THE DOG HUNTERS (completed)

27 - THE NIGHT BEFORE

Despite being placed on the ass end of their terrible humor, I wanted to hunt with them, or no, I really didn't, but that meal was still shining in my gut, and the idea of getting more like it over took any other inclinations.

Lulu put his head down and appeared to instantly fall asleep.

Tinto nodded approvingly, and said to me, "So here's the thing. I'll take first watch, and that means, depending, it's like usually around three-thirty or four in the morning. You can handle things from then."

I definitely figured I could. I hadn't slept through the night in nearly fifteen years. Even less when I was under the little clock,where it's not about sleep so much as naps. I nodded.

"Well that's good. You should try to get some rest. We have breakfast at five, and start off at five-thirty sharp. Gotta get to where we can hunt that first wave of walkers, you know what I mean? You sleep in,or are slow getting up, you're gone cause we're gone."

I nodded.

Tinto, who didn't appear to engage much with commas or periods or the like once he got started (I've put them in just so his words don't seem like so much gibberish) was saying, "I don't sleep much. I go and I go and I go, and then there's a point where I'm just gone for a couple of days, with some facilitation. That's one of the things that drives Lulubelle so nuts, cause he likes to have everything plotted out and organized and then, I couldn't tell you on any sort of definite scale or whatever, I just drop off. Throws it all up in the air for him. Fucking little bean-counting bunny. Yeah, so I was in the Marines and I got shot up see? I've got this constant pain in my back and I've got a morphine pump which sometimes I think gets me high, and sometimes I don't think it works, and then other times I don't even know what pain is – you know? Means that if your eyes are open I'm going to be talking to you. It means I'm going to be checking everything out, and I'm ready for anything and I will fuckup anything that fucks with this camp, except for the police – fuckif I can do much about that, except they'll be pretty cool with you as long as you treat them like the studs they are, and just move on.That's one of the reasons we've got this down to a science, just being able to pack up and skedaddle..."

It was no lie, as long as my eyes were open he kept on like that. He also showed me how to use the sling shot. "Hold it just so, and it'll scare the piss out of them. You shoot it and there's like nobang or anything so they won't think of anything except fucking you up unless you hit them good, like in the face, so if it gets weird, wake Lulubelle up and give it to him. He's trained and deadly. He only looks like a frail faggot – that's a collection of sticks nota queer. I bet you thought we were queer. Queer warriors. Sorry to disappoint you honey bunny. Lulubelle'll sleep through anything unless you squeeze the little bastard right here..."

When I absolutely couldn't take any more of this I closed my eyes and dug into the Army blankets they'd hooked me up with. Tinto kept talking and then must have realized I'd turned the light out. He became so quiet I thought he'd left. I opened my eyes and he was staring at me with what appeared to be gleeful interest. "You thought I'd gone into some sort of zen bullshit quiet warrior place huh? Well..."

I quickly shut my eyes again.

...This is the part where I bet you're maybe expecting me to tell you something along the lines of, And I slept more soundly that night than I ever did before kind of bullshit. Wouldn't that have been nice. It also would have been nice if Tinto had explained why they hunted dogs, or why he'd brought me into it.

No, just another night of terrible sleeping for me. Well, really not sleeping, and the whole thing made worse because the last thing I wanted was for Tinto to think that I wasn't asleep and start assaulting me with me with his nonsense. Add to this, at some point I started having to pee really bad, and again, I didn't want to move or otherwise give myself away. It would have been deadly since I'm sure there were protocols for peeing they intentionally hadn't shared with me just to further fuck with my life, and I didn't want to disrespect my meal ticket and current protection by pissing on myself or their camp, and I certainly didn't want to engage Tinto, who I was sure was just staring at me in that same deranged joyful way of his, wanting me to look at him so he could start in.

 So I lay there in total discomfort and waited and tried not to think about anything.