Surpassing myself

Cause and effect

I said I would write this and here it is. Maybe in the way you expect, maybe not.

I'll try not to generalise here but I don't want this to be all first person writing.

So.

Picture this.
A person on holidays. Not a celebrity, just the type of person you'd bump into at the local supermarket. Now imagine this person sitting,  having everything set out for them, their family around them and fairly nice summer weather to add on. You'd think they'd be happy right? They have good reason to.

But let's say that is person is actually quite depressed despite being in a relaxed environment away from most troubles in life. Why?

Let's propose that they were sitting down maybe reading a novel whilst sipping a cup of tea. For a second the sound of the wind is louder, people voices become like faint radio static and this person can no longer focus on the words in their book. They phase out and find themselves randomly thinking about completely unrelated topics.

A sudden melancholy sensation rushes over them and in a split second they go from being calm and listless to anxious, depressed and restless.

And the worst thing of all is that they might not even understand why themselves.

You've probably heard of the cause and effect theory which is far more fact than fiction as many know.

In this instance the instillation of depression could due to anything. For people such as myself, it starts with a single thought then it branches out into doubts and then self depreciation etc and it eventually builds up until it becomes this snowball of depression rolling down a mountain face, building up mass until it hits something and gets destroyed, until someone or something stops it.

Now I'm going to take a bit of a turn with the 'effect' portion of cause and effect.

Take me for instance.
My history of bullying has played a massive role in how my mind configures, sorts and identifies things.
Honestly it's messed me up a little but in reality we tend to share that issue.

So if bullying was the cause, the effect is my future choices and opportunities that are influenced by the way bullying has lead me to perceive things.

It's all complicated but at the same time...
Incredibly simple.

The complex portion being the fact that since no two people are fully alike in every aspect, no one can fully say "I understand you".

We can however say "I can relate or connect in some forms."

For us to say we understand another fully is actually to some degree, selfish.

We're saying we have felt their pain (literally), we have encountered the same things and processed them in our minds the same way in the same order and circumstance.

We haven't obviously.

We may feel sorrow and empathy for this person but no one really ever knows the truth because no one can read minds.

Damn, when you think about it, mind reading would be horrific. Especially if the person doing the mind reading could selectively pick out what they wanted to find but got a whole ton of information at once.

Okay sorry for that.

Anyway, since we can't fully understand everyone, I believe many of us need to come to terms with the fact that we can't always get the exact result we want. We can't force someone to feel or act a certain way just because we think it's right or suitable based purely on what we know as individuals.

We can however, listen to the other people who go through such things. Have faith and trust what they're saying is true and if it isn't well they're the only one at fault, you were the better person for believing in them initially.

Someone said to me once "this is me this is just the way I work, if you don't like it too bad."

Thing is, this person also made a contradictory remark earlier in saying "you can't work everything out your own way just because you're you and have your own issues and views, we're different and we have to learn to accommodate for one another ."

You see what I'm getting at?

The second point I believe and agree with, with all my heart.

We aren't all the same.

Sometimes we can relate.

Other times... not so much.

But we can spare the time in our day for the greater good.

Spare some time to listen, properly.

Forgetting our own views and just purely absorbing the other persons perspective from what they explain and illustrate. We need to try and see through their eyes rather than our own.

I think it's quite sad that with issues like bullying, many people perceive the victim's trials through their own views rather than the actual victims'.

I mean if it's their issue, all the more reason to value what they perceive right?

Even if they're wrong, still listen!

If you never gave them a chance to at least share their view, you'd just assume things and that leads no where progressive and it actually makes the other person feel belittled, disrespected and hurt, deeply.

Imagine if we all did this for each-other.

Stopped trying to make things work the way we think it's should operate and really consider the overall best solution. If the persons outlook seems wrong under universal value and moral (NOT JUST YOUR OWN) then by all means console this person. BUT DO IT OUT OF LOVE AND KINDNESS.

If it's out of anger and judgement than the person will realize this and reject it thus creating more issues.

I know many people who suffer from rejection struggle with grasping this. I've witnessed it firsthand.

It's sad.
Heartbreaking even.

I wish I could make the rejected see that they are valued. They are respected... so that the few of them that feel they need to force respect out of others stop

Before they really get hurt and
hurt others just as much.

So yea. There I present to you my messy train of thought that links bullying with universal respective concepts and the cause and effect theory.

Told you my mind is a labyrinth.