The Mute Mate

XXXIII

Isaac, Caroline, David, Molina, and I were sitting at dinner eating baked beef mac and cheese for dinner. My eyes kept drifting back towards the dining room doorway, waiting for Ke'aysha to come down and have dinner with us. She couldn't avoid us the whole time because she lived with us. She couldn't avoid me. 

I was too distracted to eat properly. I left my half-empty bowl of mac and cheese in front of me and sat back in my chair, now unable to take my eyes away from the door, unsettled by the way Ke'aysha was avoiding me. 

I shook my head, trying to give her her space and not think about it. I tried to go in for another bite of my dinner while making conversation throughout the table. "I visited the middle school today," I spoke. 

Molina was quick to respond, wanting to fill the silence across the table, "How was it?"

I shrugged, "There was this little girl who came up to me after everything. Her name is Callie Lumberson." Molina nodded, almost finished her own dinner and her own thoughts. I decided to skip over all the sugar coating what I was getting at and turned to Caroline and David, "You two have always talked about having kids, right?" Caroline had come to me time and time again with her problems in the marital bed and how she wanted kids so bad. It was unclear who was having the problems, but the mention of kids around Caroline would either light her eyes up in interest or withdraw her into her own thoughts and desires she couldn't seem to make happen. 

Caroline shot up at the mention of kids in her direction. David seemed less enthusiastic about the topic, but I could still see his interest peaking. "What about her? Is something wrong?" 

I finally gave up trying to eat and simply put my fork down and put my shoulders on the table to rest the top of my body on the table, "The school investigated and found out she's being neglected and malnourished by her parental units."

Caroline gasped, "How old is she?" 

"6th grade, no older than 12 I imagine but she doesn't look like her age," I admitted to her. "I don't want to push this decision on you, but the school finally intervened and she's staying the night with a faculty member. I was wondering if you think about taking her before she was put into the adoption system." 

David was gazing over at Caroline, watching her excitement building up as I spoke. I knew she had been wanting a child, but I feel like things had gotten worse since we'd last spoke about it. Caroline was too energetic for things not to be. 

I continued, not able to comprehend the struggle they went through, "I was going to give y'all a moment to think about taking-"

"No! We want to meet her." There was a smile in her eyes that brought joy to my own heart. 

I was taken back a bit but still was happy for her and her growing anticipation. "Isaac, can you hand her the number?" Isaac fished out the slip of paper Dave gave him with the faculty's number on it and handed it to the couple. 

Caroline sat excitedly with David as they looked at the paper as if it was a check. They muttered to each other and stood up from the table, "Excuse us," They walked out of the dining area, hand in hand and giddiness in their faces. 

I allowed a little smile to poke through, knowing they were elated as such. Maybe I was doing someone some good. I could eat a little better than before. I turned to Molina who was also smiling from the exchange. "Have you seen Ke'aysha today?" 

She brought her eyes up to meet mine and thought for a moment, "No, not today. Has she been in her room all day?" 

I decided to talk about what happened today with this bundle of people I call my family, "Well, she was out with me, but I kind of made her angry and I left because I was late for the high school visit. I figured she came back to the house and is just being mad at me." 

Isaac put his fork down and turned to me, "Is that why you were out of it? If you would've told me that, I would have just rescheduled the whole thing, dude."

I shrugged, "I didn't think it was that big of a deal. I just had too much to think about and needed to deal with it later. I didn't think it would've been like this." 

I saw Molina roll her eyes at me, "You're such an idiot sometimes." I sighed and crossed my arms, sitting back in my pain, waiting for her to lecture me on what I did wrong, "Why'd you let her walk away mad? She's festered on it for hours and now she's probably made reasons that weren't there in the first place."

"Well, when you're upset you want alone time. Why is she any different?" I defended myself. 

"Stop trying to generalize how women work. You won't ever understand them otherwise." Molina scolded. She waved over for a kitchen cook to her and gave her instructions, "Please prepare another bowl of mac and cheese and bring it here immediately." 

"Yes, Princess." The worker went back into the kitchen to prepare the request. 

I decided to simply give in and let her boss me around on what to do. "So, what am I doing next?" 

The worker came back in with a small bowl of mac and cheese with a spoon sticking out served with it. "Thank you." Molina took the bowl from her and placed it in front of me, "You're gonna take that food and you're going to go up to her room and offer it to her. Don't push her though. At least just feed her first." 

I nodded and stood up, noticing it was getting late anyway and time for me to start relaxing to get to bed. I didn't argue with Molina, simply took the bowl and went upstairs like she told me to. I shook my head, a little disappointed in myself for trying to generalize everything about women I guess. Was I this oblivious to her cues that she was this pissed with me? That I left her for too long and let her simmer in her anger. I guess I was stupid. 

I went to her door and took a deep breath, putting aside my pride and instincts. I rasped on the door, "Hey, Ke'aysha. Princess. It's me." I waited for a response from the other side of the door, kind of upset when I didn't get one and was sadden by the fact that she didn't want to talk to me that much. I simply spoke through the door, saying what I needed to say whether she wanted to hear it or not, "Listen. I'm sorry, okay? You were right about me being a jerk and a killer. I'm not going to make any excuses anymore about my behavior. I want you to teach me about speaking through anger instead of just acting upon it. I never liked being an impulsive killer anyway."

There was still no movement or sounds behind the door. I dismissed it as was sleeping. I hope she was sleeping well. I had the urge to walk in, but I remembered Molina warning me to not push on her so I simply placed the bowl of mac and cheese outside and told her, just in case she was listening, "I'm leaving some dinner outside your door in case you get hungry. It's beef mac and cheese. Just for you." 

I thought I heard movement behind the door and it made my heart jump, even if I had imagined it. Maybe she was waiting for me to leave so I simply put the bowl down and said my farewell, "Good night, Princess." 

I walked away from the door and headed towards my own room. I was getting excited at the thought of her coming back over in the middle of the night like she did last night. I had the best sleep last night and I was hoping she did too. 

Even though I changed and got into my bed and was anticipating her waking me up in the middle of the night for cuddles, there was still something gnawing at me as I laid in bed. Something simply wasn't right. Maybe because I knew she wasn't coming to my bed tonight. I had to fix why she was mad at me first.