At dinner Sawyer struggled to chew the food in his mouth but somehow it felt as though it had been turned into straw. He chewed and chewed and struggled to swallow anything, then looking up hopelessly he caught his mums eye, "leave it love" she said sighing. Gratefully escaping to the seclusion of his room he threw himself onto his bed, switched on his tv and tried to comprehend what was on it, but his mind was in turmoil so he gave up and switched it back off. He replayed in his head the bit where he rudely demanded that Biro take him back to the pond and had then strode away, leaving the only friend he had ever made in his life abandoned and probably hating his guts by now. He buried his head in his hands, he felt sick, his gut ached, and his own throat felt like it was trying to strangle him. A knock on his door and before he could speak Finn walked uninvited into his room, "sup big bruv?" he said. Finn never asked him how he was and had never behaved this way with him before. His younger brother was concerned, that much was evident by the tone of his voice and even the fact that he was here in his room with him. He felt as though his emotions were going to betray him, so, standing up, he heatedly said, "Im ok Finn, was there something that you wanted?" Finn said nothing, he walked over to him and put his arms around him and leaned his head in til their foreheads were touching. To Sawyers absolute horror he lost control and let out a great anguished sob as the floodgates of his tears opened. His brother hugged him tightly to him, and it felt suddenly like Finn was the older one. "What is it? what is it Sawyer? you've got to tell me, you're scaring me!" Sawyer felt mortified, not even being able to stop this embarrassing sobbing let alone give an explantion. His throat was constricting again, "I,m sorry Finn, I c~can't, I'm s~sorry" Finn gently pushed his brother back onto his bed. "Okay okay, it's alright. Sawyer, this will stay between me and you okay. I expect you to tell me what is happening with you, and soon, you can trust me, I love you, don't forget that!" With that he left the room leaving him alone with his swirling thoughts.
Finn felt really anxious about Sawyer, and guilty, somehow he had gotton complacent and was now remembering that old adage *familiarity breeds comtempt*. He had sort of forgotten that he loved him, and long ago stopped taking enough notice to see that he might be struggling. Even worse when he was out and about with his mates and they saw him over near the pond on his own. He would laugh with them when they made remarks like "look there's your weird brother by the pond as usual, you know he's away with the fairy's! what does he do over there all the time?" He would say something like, I dunno he's too weird for me, I just leave him alone". And siding with his mates like that would preserve his street cred, and Sawyer would never know what he was saying, so what did it matter? no harm done!. Now he felt like a heel. Suppose his brother topped himself or something, you read about it all the time. This was a wake up call. He was going to have to be a proper brother. Sawyer might be older than him, but something was frightening him and he needed to know he had someone to lean on. It was time to right some wrongs, and in the morning he was going to stick to his brother like shit to a blanket. He would find out where he went and even if there was someone he met, someone who was maybe bullying him or somehow upsetting him. Then he was going to stand with him and they would tackle the problem together. He felt better now, he had a plan and he would make sure that it worked.
Later that same evening Sawyer crept downstairs to get himself a drink. "Not joining us Sawyer?" asked his dad. "No! i'm going to bed, I don't feel very well" His dad laid his hand on his forehead. "Go on up then son" he softly said, "he does fel a bit warm" he told his wife. "I'll come up shortly and see if you need anything". After about half an hour his dad knocked on the door and Saywer told him to come in. "Whats going on with you old son, this is not like you at all. Normally nothing bothers you and you sail along without a care in the world" Sawyer struggled to keep his composure, he didn't want to break down in front of his father, but he could see the irony of it. He was always scared and anxious but he had covered it up so well that nobody even really looked at him anymore. "Well i hope you feel better in the morning soldier" his dad said, and finally Sawyer was able to crawl into his bed and shut the whole cruel world out and sleep. Except that tired as he was he couldn't sleep. So much had happened today. First finally meeting up with Biro again, but instead of laying the whole thing to rest it had complicated it much more. Then his decision to stop this whole thing dead in it's tracks, then his brother invading his room, and his isolation, and reaching out to him. He gave up trying to go to sleep. He had never felt this miserable in all of his life. It was time to man up, he decided. He was going to have to face his fears, and be brave enough to handle the consequences. Because if he carried on like this for much longer something was going to have to give, and it would end up with him doing something really stupid. In the morning he was going to get up early, and he was going to follow his heart, and live his own life instead of the life that he felt everyone else wanted him to live. It was amazing how different he suddenly felt now that he had made a decision. Almost straight away he fell asleep and didn't stir until the morning. The much later morning than he had intended.
He woke up feeling really refreshed and still determined to go ahead with his new resolve. He was too anxious still to tackle eating anything, so he just had a quick drink, pulled on his hoodie and left the house. His mum and dad had already left for work and Finn had left for school so there was nobody left to ask awkward questions. Finn quietly crept down the stairs and slipped out of the house behind him, also wearing a hoodie and hoping nobody spotted him, as this was the first time that he had ever played truent from school, and he was sure to be in a lot of trouble for it. Keeping a good distance behind Sawyer and grateful that his brother had slept so late, because by now all of his mates would already already be at school, so they at least wouldn't spot him as he slipped silently along behind him. He had guessed he would head for that damn pond again, and sure enough it looked like he was. What was it with that place? a pond in the middle of nowhere, and how could it have anything to do with whatever trouble his brother had gotten himself into. Sawyer plodded along, he was on a mission now, and his head was so full of anticipation that he had no idea that he was being followed. He felt sure that if Biro was there he would see him, but he was scared that after yesterday he would never even return to the pond again. Suddenly he spotted him. Something in him snapped and he just ran towards him. An astonished Finn saw his brother suddenly break into a run with his arms outstretched as he neared the pond, and for a moment he thought he was going to jump right into the pond. And then he vanished into thin air!.
YOU ARE READING
Lonely Boy(by dyjonn)
FantasyEverybody see's Sawyer as a committed loner but it's the last thing he really wants to be
