Over And Over, Again And Again. (Sanders Sides Fic)

Snakes and Ropes

This part is quite….panicky. I mean..not like the previous parts weren’t, but I think this one’s the most..disturbing? Is that the right word for it? I don’t know, but either way, I promise things will get better after this part. Maybe even some fluff? I don’t know. I’ve yet to write it.

Warnings: Suicidal intentions, screaming/shouting, panic attack, Swearing? Please inform me if you spot any more.

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A new kind of emptiness enters the darker side. He’s not..numb, but he doesn’t actually feel anything either. He doesn’t know what it is.

What’s the point? He’ll say that damn code number to the logical side, but he’ll probably just discover the same exact things as yesterday. They could keep him and the prince separate, but they’ll find a way a way to each other. He could try living through this, in hopes that one day this will all end, or he could just end it himself, right now. If it’ll let him. Whatever “it” is.

The darker side gets up from his spot on the ground and heads to the kitchen. He doesn’t even try to fight it and simply lets his body drag him out. The boy has yet to eat or drink since this whole thing started, but it doesn’t matter, ‘cause nothing’s going to happen anyway.

He finds the prince asleep at the table, blah blah blah, the prince shoots up, he jumps back. “My apologies, Virgil,” blah blah, then the darker side walks back to his room. He scrolls through Tumblr, not bothering to read anything. He’s read it a million times before, no need to do it again. The music only gives him a headache, the same damn songs over and over again. He takes the headphones off and chucks his phone at the wall in frustration. Not like it matters, it’ll be back tomorrow anyway.

Thomas later summons the boy and he lets his body take control, does the whole argument thing and restarts. He doesn’t see the point on doing that damn code word thing with Logan, he doesn’t see how he can find anything new. How will the logical side know what they’ve already discussed? How will he know what they’ve already figured out? So, he continues on with the nightmare. Day, after day, after day, until finally, when he wakes to face another one of these horrid days..his emotion comes rushing back, hitting him straight on like a train.

The boy lays flat on the floor, sprawled out. The heavy urge to get up and go find princey weighs down on him, only loading on more as the time passes, but..he can’t seem to go. He just lays there, in a puddle of thoughts and feelings.

It’s time to end this.

He manages to get up and head to the kitchen, ignoring princey even though the urge to focus on him is strong, only growing stronger as he disobeys it. The anxious side heads straight for the drawers, pulling a certain one open and taking one of it’s sharp contents out.

“Virgil..what are you doing?” The prince questions carefully, inching forward ever so slowly.

“Let me do this, Roman, ple-ase. It’s all I ask, all I’ll ever ask..I won’t be your way anymore, so you don’t have pretend anymore…please..” His voice is weak and tears begin to well up in his eyes. He grips the knife in his hand and begins to lift it up to his chest.

“Virgil, stop! Now!” The prince continues forward. Trying not to panic.

“Please let, let me ha-ve this. Just, just this one th-thing.”

“No..no, Virgil. Put it down. You could have anything else, I won’t stop you, but not this.” The prince speaks, his words covered in fear as the other holds the knife tighter.

Why would he do this? Stop, no..he can’t-

“N-no.”

The prince takes another careful step closer and the anxious one steps back, bumping against the counter. “Roman, please. Ju-st go. I, I know yours sup-posed to be the, the hero, but if y-you really want to do the right th-ing..let me do this.” The anxious side’s voice turns raspy. He’s afraid, but this has to be done. Though, he can’t do it in front of the prince.