Warnings: Suicidal intentions, panic attack, shouting, Please inform me if there are any more.
______________________
Numb…
Alone…
Help…
To be constantly reminded of your place, of what you really are, of what you never wanted to be. Every single day on end. To be constantly reminded that you’re the villain, when your intentions weren’t to hurt anybody. To be constantly reminded that people loath your existence.. I can’t do it anymore.
No more, no more, no more, no more. Stop, stop, stop, stop.
It’s gone on for far too long. I’ve stopped counting after the 40th time this day repeated its self. It doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve tried..I’ve tried and I’ve failed, over 40 times. I’ve failed. Over and over, again and again.
When will this day finally end? End. End. End.
End..
..
End..? Can I end it? Is that possible? It feels as if I’d have to die for it to end.
“Virgil, are you even listening?” Roman questions, but something inside me sets off like a rocket, just completely explodes.
“No, no..I’m not, Roman.” My vision becomes blurry as tears start to build up. “But that’s okay, because I’ve listened a million times before..I’ve heard..I’ve..” I speak slowly. “I can’t stop.”
The floor appears closer as my legs give out underneath me. I kneel on the stairs, failing not to panic. “I can’t stop, I can’t stop, I can’t stop.”
“Virgil..”
“MAKE IT STOP!” I scream, griping onto my hair.
Why won’t it stop. Why can’t I do anything. It’s pathetic how useless I am, I mean..I can’t even help myself even when I’m trying my hardest. How am I supposed to help Thomas. How am I supposed to keep him safe if I can’t even do that for myself?
Another, nightmarish scream escapes me as all my pent up feelings come loose. The numbness that previously took place of any feeling just evaporated into complete nothingness. My chest closes, my breathing becomes thin and my throat burns. My heart beats like a drum and my vision becomes disfigured as the tears escape my eyes, burning like they were made of fire. I clench my eyes shut.
“Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop,” I mutter over and over again. “No more, no more, no more, no more.”
With all the panic rushing inside me, I begin to mentally fade out. I can’t seem to focus as my body shakes violently as I have to resist to urge to vomit.
..
“Virgil…it’s….-ay”
“-ocus on…”
..
“…-t’s..happening?”
“It’s ..-alri-….”
..
“..-st breathe..”
The voices boom, my head throbbing.
..
“..Virgil..”
“…Calm down…”
..
“-t’s oka-…-iddo”
..
…Different…
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Over And Over, Again And Again. (Sanders Sides Fic)
FanficThe anxious side had a major mishap with the creative one during one of Thomas' videos. That happened again the next day, and the day after, and again. He denies to himself that this is happening, that he's somehow repeating the same, horrible day a...
