Therapy (Jalex)

Session 5

Patient: Alexander William Gaskarth

Notes: still not eating much, lashes out

-Dr. Bassam Barakat

-

The wind battered my loose t-shirt against my now scrawny frame. My appetite, along with my emotions, never really returned. My torn, beat up Converse padded against the scratchy pavement as I strolled towards Dr. Barakat's office. Mom and Dad finally had returned to work, so I had to go to therapy alone.

My earphones blasted Green Day, and the guitar riffs melded with the howling of the wind. How appropriate. Boulevard of Broken Dreams was playing, with the wind as the backup vocals. Was that not appropriate? I almost even smiled.

Through the glass doors I went, and into the pristine waiting room. Hilary was waiting there, as usual. Today, she was wearing a low-cut red blouse that really accentuated her curves, a short black pencil skirt that barely covered her, and red pumps to elongate her already long legs. Her dark brown hair was perfectly curled, and her brown eyes glowed under her long, mascara lathered lashes. My eyes widened at the sight, and I ducked into a chair, far away from her.

Hilary was nowhere near my type, and I didn't really like her, but she looked unbelievably sexy. It was like she dressed to seduce, not to impress. I avoided her catlike eyes, but I didn't go unnoticed. The waiting room was empty, after all.

"Hey, Alex," she purred, a smile sliding onto her cherry red lips. "Nice to see you again."

"N-Nice to see you, too," I stuttered, at a loss for words. "You look really good." I cringed at my awkward compliment. Even around people I didn't like, I was still stupid. She laughed and leaned over slightly, showing more of her cleavage. I looked down at my lap and blushed.

"Thanks, honey," she cooed, "I'm going to a party later, so I decided to go a little more today."

"A party? Cool..." Ah, the social life I was never going to have.

"Yeah, one of my sorority sisters' boyfriend is having it."

I was taken aback. She didn't look like she was in college. She didn't look like the student type at all. She looked more like the slut by day, stripper by night type.

Well, I thought, You learn something new every day.

"Thank you," gushed the same red headed girl from last time as she burst through the corridor door. Dr. Barakat trailed behind her, nodding.

"No problem. See you next week." The doctor's eyes scanned the room and he saw me. "Ah, Alex! Come inside."

Before I knew it, I was sitting in the chair again, confessing my feelings.

"This sounds so depressing, but I don't know how people can be so happy!" I exclaimed, thinking of Jack. "Some people are just so damn cheerful, and I can't understand why. Are they really so lucky?"

"Some people just have a more positive outlook on life," Dr. Barakat replied. "They just think that bad things bring good things, and that's what keeps them motivated. Some just don't care."

"Yeah, well it's kind of hard not to care when your brother dies," I muttered, my voice catching.

When your brother dies.

He really was dead, wasn't he? This entire time, I was denying everything, trying to shut it off. But now I had just blurted it out loud. He was gone.

"Excuse me," I whispered. I bolted out of the room and locked myself in a stall in the bathroom. My heart started to rip in two, and I screamed in frustration. Tears were already streaming down my face, and I pounded the wall.

"I didn't want this to happen!" I shrieked. "I never wanted this! You took this away from me, Tom, you've done this! I fucking hate you! Things were supposed to be better!"

I punched the wall again before sliding to the ground, shouting and sobbing to get rid of the pain in my chest.

"You don't know what it feels like, Tom," I whispered. "You don't know what it feels like to know you're not the best, to know that I'll never see you again. The pain is excruciating to know that any chance I had with you is gone now. Because you ruined this. I don't understand why. Why couldn't this turn out better? You... I hate you. I hate you for not making this better, for ruining any chance I ever had to live a happy life. You don't understand. You never will, will you? You can't since you're gone."