Therapy (Jalex)

Session 21

Patient: Alexander William Gaskarth

Notes: coming to terms? has fully accepted his sexuality and now talks about it openly.

-Dr. Bassam Barakat

-

"Mmm, Jack," I murmured, inhaling his scent through my nose. He smelt of sweat, sex, and fading cologne, but it wasn't that gross to me. He was Jack. I loved Jack's smell no matter what. Whatever he smelled like, it smelled like home.

As creepy as it sounded, it did. Jack was my sanctuary. Whenever I was around him, I felt at home. He soothed my pain and released my worries. He was my drug.

"I love you," I whispered, opening my eyes. We were still in the same bedroom in the same house, and Jack was sprawled naked on the bed. I pressed my lips to his forehead and peeled my own clothes-less body from the bed and dressed. My phone was miraculously still in my pocket-I was almost certain that someone would've stolen it-and I pulled it out to check the time.

4:37 am.

My head throbbed, and my hand clasped around a plastic bag in my pocket. Right. Vertigo. It must have worn off by now, and this was probably the after effect. My vision was slow and blurry, and my limbs felt weak, but maybe that was from Jack. Who knew?

Maybe some fresh air will clear my head, I thought, my hand resting on the cool brass doorknob. The door opened with a slight squeak, to which Jack stirred a little. I applied pressure downwards to the knob so it wouldn't make noise and closed the door gently behind my back. I glanced down the stairs. The partiers were all collapsed around various places in the house. They were all probably too hammered to go home.

I tread stealthily down the stairs, trying not to wake the people around my feet. When I had gotten downstairs, I saw that I wasn't the only one awake. A tanned, muscular guy was thrusting into a petite blonde on the kitchen table, the girl moaning softly. All the blood rushed to my face, but it was funny. She was making little kitten noises and he was grunting like a ferocious beast, which amused me.

"Missionary, huh?" I remarked, leaning against the doorframe. The dude turned around, his eyes drunken, confused, but angry. I winked cheekily and slipped outside before they could say anything.

It was pretty chilly early morning. The dead leaves on the ground scratched the cement as they were manipulated by the wind. My rubber soles padded the ground softly. The sky was completely dark, and only the soft glow of a streetlight lit my path.

I walk a lonely road, I hummed to myself, the only one that I have ever known.

The soles of my shoes scuffed the pavement as I walked, and the occasional rustle of the dead leaves on the ground startled me. Even at my age, I was still scared and paranoid of the dark. I was afraid that I would see a ghoul or I would be raped, or both.

I ended up at the park. My hands clenched around the rusting chains of the swing, and I began to swing slowly and aimlessly in the dark. I got lost in the silence, coming up with scenarios of performing in a band that would never happen. I let my mind wander by itself as I stared at the wood chips on the playground floor.

Crunch, crunch.

My heart leapt in its cage. I looked up to see a short girl with wavy chestnut hair stumbling towards me. When she came into my line of sight, the streetlight caught the emerald color of her eyes, but the white around it was tinged red.

"Lisa...?" How on Earth did Lisa find me? Why was she stumbling around at four in the morning? From her bloodshot eyes and her unnatural gait, I knew she was completely intoxicated.

"Alex!" she squealed, rushing over to me. "I found you!" My eyes enlarged and I tried to escape her grip, but she would let go. I squeaked in protest, not knowing what to do.

"Lisa, what are you doing out here?" I asked. She glanced up at me with her big green eyes and smiled widely.

"You know I live in this neighborhood," she drawled, giggling. "My friends and I found my parents' beer stash and my sister's weed, so I'm a leeetle loopy. I saw ya walking down my street... and I wanted to talk... to you."

I scratched my head awkwardly, not knowing what to say. What are you supposed to say to a drunk/high ex girlfriend who potentially could have stalked you?

"Uh... What do you want to talk about?" I asked slowly. Her breath hitched, and her mouth opened, but the words were delayed. Her green eyes shone.

"I love you!" Lisa exclaimed. "I always have!"

I was taken aback. We broke up a very long time ago, and it was just a middle school thing. I never thought she actually still had feelings for me. I never had any for her.

"Don't you love me?" Lisa whimpered, looking up at me when I had hesitated. "Don't you love me? Tell me you do."

"Err... I'm dating someone else," I muttered, avoiding her bloodshot eyes. "I'm sorry."

"No!" Lisa cried, burying her face in my chest. "We were so good together."

"Lisa, that was in the past, and I've moved on now," I explained to her. I really hoped that she was really drunk and high so she wouldn't remember this tomorrow.

"Well I haven't," she stated, getting off my lap. "Let me convince you that you still love me, Aleeeeeex."

Before I could say a word, Lisa had slipped off her clothes, standing before me in her lacy underwear. She wrapped her arms around me and started to kiss my neck, but I wasn't going to let this turn into Hilary.

I stood up from the swing, pushing her off of me. Lisa stumbled back with a surprised look, her eyes doe-like. Her rosy mouth pouted, and I sighed.

"I'm sorry, I'm in love with someone else," I said, sticking my hands in my pockets and walking back to the house the party was in.

Jack was still asleep on the bed, so I climbed in beside him and cuddled him. He stirred a little, but didn't fully wake up. Smiling, I planted a soft kiss on his neck.

"I love you," I whispered.