Therapy (Jalex)

Session 10

Patient: Alexander William Gaskarth

Notes: more hallucinations...?

-Dr. Bassam Barakat

-

Sing me to sleep,

I'll see you in my dreams,

Waiting to say,

I miss you, I'm so sorry.

Because I still wasn't that ready to sing yet, I wrote down the lyrics in my notebook and recorded myself picking to the tune of my song. I would sing when I was ready, and that wasn't now.

I felt like acoustic wasn't enough for this song, it was too gentle, too unlike Tom, so I pulled out my Gibson from the garage and plugged it in to my amp. No one was home; Mom and Dad were off to couples' therapy again, so I could play guitar as loud as I wished.

The crackling sound of the guitar plugging in startled me a little, but it was a good startle, since I haven't plugged my guitar in for so long. Just for the hell of it, I played a loud riff, and the sound echoed throughout the empty house.

As I hummed the song in my head, I played the chords I had planned for the song. The distortion was turned up a little, but not too much, and I heard nothing else besides my guitar.

I miss you, I'm so sorry.

The final chord rung out, bouncing off my room's walls. I sighed. Playing an electric gave me a high nothing else could. There was nothing like playing real loud and hearing the echoes of your own masterpiece.

"I hope you're liking my song so far, Tom," I said aloud, unplugging my guitar and setting it back against my wall, not wanting to take it back down to the garage.

Bzzt, bzzt.

I turned around, slightly confused. Someone texted me? I had no friends, though. But despite my utter confusion, I checked anyways. It was probably Mom telling me to buy milk or something.

Unknown Number: Hi Alex! It's Jack :)

"Of course," I sighed, shaking my head. "Right." I added him to my contacts, and just so I wasn't being rude, I fired a quick reply.

Alex: Hey, sup?

I set my phone down on the table so I could clear up my workspace, and almost immediately, my phone buzzed again.

Jack: Nothing, hbu? Wanna hang out again? We don't have to get ice cream :)

I smiled a little, but not only because of the text. In my past life, back when I had friends and a social status, I remember that I loved it when people answered texts quickly. Just a small thing I used to love reminded me of happiness.

A little shot of a dopamine was released into my brain, and that actually felt good. The warm, fuzzy feeling I haven't felt in a while. For someone who hadn't felt that in forever, it was a sort of high. And like any other high, I started to crave it. I had to have it again.

The other day when I hung out with Jack, he made me forget how bad I felt for a few minutes. Now, he presented me with another little thing I loved. If he made me feel a little better two times, maybe he could elevate me more.

Alex: Yeah, sounds fun :-)

Just maybe.