[COMPLETED. 1ST FANFIC] BEST RANKED #1 - kimjongdae
~I thought it was going to be another hard fall but it didn't happen. Somehow, he caught me in his arms. Am I dreaming?
My arms instinctively hooked around his neck, but a second later, every part...
"Doctor, how's she?" Johnny approached the physician when he stepped out of the room.
"She still needs to be monitored, her condition isn't looking very good. She's having a relapse," the doctor answered in a low tone.
"Relapse? From her anxiety disorder?" Johnny frowned when he received the unpleasant news.
"Yes. I thought she didn't need therapy anymore. A year ago, she was getting along well. Did something happen that made her feel this vexatious? There has to be a reason for the sudden relapse."
Johnny pondered over the events that happened to Hana lately. A year ago she'd still be dating Jongdae, but ever since they broke off, it wasn't very pleasant for her. She had struggled with her overloading work stress all these while and she had been stubbornly wishing that she would have another chance with Jongdae.
Johnny knew very well that it was impossible. In fact, he was blaming himself for his grave mistake of matching them together from the start. He was well aware that Jongdae didn't like her.
'Please, just try to date her for a month...? She's recovering so quickly thanks to you. You made it possible! At least stay with her until she's well enough to take care of herself...'
The words he said to convince Jongdae replayed in his head. Now, he couldn't stop blaming himself for such a naive idea. He meant well for Hana because he cared for her way too much.
"...Well?" The doctor prompted him. The doctor's voice brought him back to reality and his eyes trailed back to him.
"Yeah, she's probably facing many hardships now."
"Just make sure that she doesn't miss her therapies, at least in the following month. She really needs it." The doctor advised and Johnny nodded obediently.
As soon as the doctor left, Johnny opened the door to her room. Peering inside, he easily found Hana laying in bed, looking lifeless.
Her eyes crawled towards the door to see who came for a visit.
"Why are you still here," Her voice was weak but cold.
"I'm your guardian, so I'm staying," Johnny responded casually, unconcerned with the coldness in her voice.
"I don't need you. Leave."
"You know I don't change my mind."
"And you know that I always mean what I say. Leave." She shot daggers at him as she demanded.
"Hana, I've never been sorrier for leaving your side all these while. I'm not leaving no matter what you say." Johnny looked at her tenderly.
Guilt and sympathy were written all over his face.
"I don't need anyone's pity!" She raised her voice slightly.
Keeping silent, he leaned over and tugged her under the blankets gently.
Hana eyed him carefully as he helped to set up everything in the room comfortably. He turned on the humidifier, adjusting the air conditioner to ensure it wasn't too cold, closed the day curtains so that the sun wasn't scorching through the windows.
"Oppa...Why are you always so nice to me?" She couldn't help but ask.
He turned back around to face her before speaking.
"I care about you. I want you to get well. I want you to be happy."
"I'm fine, and I'm happy." She informed, but her voice was trembling.
"I still care about you," he continued.
"You're always here for me when nobody wanted me... even when I tried to push you away." She mentioned with guilt clear in her voice.
"I know you never meant to push me away. Everyone needs someone to understand them, isn't it? I'm always glad to be here for you." He slowly returned to sit beside her bed.
"You're always so nice to me. You always help me when I ask you to. You never get angry at me for anything I do... You've never said no." As she listed, she began to feel sorrier.
"...Why?" she asked.
Johnny wore a warm smile.
"You know why, Hana. But I'm not expecting anything, so don't think too much... You should rest now."
"I know that Jongdae oppa doesn't love me. He never did," she bitterly admitted.
"H-how did you know? He told you?!"
"I'm not blind, Johnny. I only...choose to see what I want. I thought I could still fight for anything I had in my power." Her eyes started to sting with tears.
"Why Hana..."
"The day Jongdae was hurt and sent to the dorm, you called me over to see him? Did you know what he said to me when he was half conscious?" She let out a bitter laugh.
"I was kneeling close to him, I was shedding tears for him. My heart hurt to see him like that...But... he stroked my head and called me Minzi. He apologized for making her worried, and he told her not to cry."
The tears finally stroked down her cheeks helplessly and she didn't bother to wipe them away.
"You know what's more pathetic? I still wished so hard for him to love me even if it was just for a second," she muttered in disbelief.
"I've always want to give up on Jongdae oppa, but I don't know how... My heart is hurting but I don't know who to tell. It's aching so bad and I don't know how to stop feeling this way..." She cried a bit harder.
Johnny clenched his fists tight, avoiding her gaze. He was feeling remorseful for the mistake he had done from start. He shouldn't have put them together. The pain she was feeling right now could have been long redeemed, and much less painful, had he not foolishly believed that they both could work out as time progressed.
"I'm sorry, Hana."
"It's not your fault, don't apologize. In fact, because of that night, I really, really came to my senses. It's too tiring to chase after someone who wouldn't bat an eyelid for you. It feels too lonely. I don't wanna do it anymore. I'm too tired."
"Hana..."
"Oppa," She called out to Johnny.
"You'll be here for me, right? You won't say no...right?" Her voice was a little shaky, for fear that Johnny could be another person who'd leave her side.
He lit a small smile and reached out to stroke her forehead.
"Of course, Hana. I'm always here for you." He reassured her.
"If that's so...help me get over that guy already, for real." She begged.
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A/N: I'm writing this chapter because I feel the need to have a closure (somewhat) for every character in this book. Hope you enjoyed :D
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<<Song of the Day: Days Without You - Davichi>>
~Break-ups are like this. Acting like you're okay, then breaking down in just one moment. I came across a photo of you smiling with someone else. It made me miss you and hate you till I can't take it anymore. Maybe you feel too bad, maybe you pity me for loving you so much. I want to be doing well when you ask, but each minute, each second is such a mess without you. ~
