His Perfect Imperfections / boyxboy

His Perfect Imperfections / Chapter 11

He stared at me with the most bizarre expression possible. We stood, opposite to each other, frozen. It felt like a million years before he finally spoke up. "Uh, Alex?" His voice was so distant, though that might have just been me. Slowly he crept along the carpet closer to me. "What happened?"

I pulled away from him, covering myself as best I could. "I just... I got mugged."

"What?" He didn't look like he fell for that. "Alex, what did they take?"

"Everything, but Trevor still has my backpack so I'll get it from him tomorrow. Don't tell mom and dad, okay?" I looked up into his grassy green eyes, hoping that he'd recognize the desperation and just agree to it without any further conflict.

Guess lady luck wasn't on my side.

"What the hell happened, Alex?" Suddenly his voice dropped a few octaves. There was clear seriousness in that tone, one that compelled me to break down. I'd love to tell him everything, but then I risked everything too. Either way, though, I was probably going to lose.

"Um," I grabbed my arm, feeling a bit chilly.

"Go put some clothes on." He pointed off into the hallway. "Then tell me what happened to you."

I nodded, my head down and walking a walk of shame to my bedroom. Once I was clothed, no longer freezing, I returned to the living room where he was sitting on the couch, waiting. His hands were folded together in his lap and his brows furrowed like he was contemplating something serious. Instead of sitting right beside him, I opted to sit as far from him as I possibly could. We continued to stare at each other for a while longer while I figured out exactly what to say.

He shifted forward, getting a drink of coffee, then relaxing back into the cushions of the couch. "So... what happened?"

I flinched. I didn't want to do this. This was seriously the last thing I wanted to do after all that has happened. Even if I did confide in him I hadn't a clue how this would turn out. Despite being my big brother, he'd never talked to me before. Like, really talked to me. Not that there was a huge age gap, either, he was twenty-five. Despite even living in the same house our entire lives we were practically estranged.

"What do you think of... gay people?"

My eyes shut when I asked. It dawned on me that I didn't actually want to see his reaction. I didn't want to hear it either. He sighed, I heard that then he asked, "are you gay?"

This wasn't how I wanted to do this. Scratch that. I didn't ever want to do this. I began to laugh, my mind going crazy. "U-um... I... I'm really... you know..."

"Alex, it's okay if you are."

I looked up at him. He was smiling. Actually smiling. "Huh?"

"If you like guys, that's fine. It's none of my business anyway." He scooted further down the couch to get closer to me, by the chair near the kitchen. "So... did you get into a fight with a boyfriend or something?"

"Y-yeah..." I pinched myself. Guess this wasn't a dream. "He... He kicked me out of the truck and I had to walk back without clothes-"

"Woah, what?" I stopped. Was he upset now? Why? What happened? "What do you mean he kicked you out? Were you having sex in a truck?"

I froze. "Uh-"

"Alex, please tell me you understand what protection is." I shook my head. "Good grief. You've never used a condom before?" I shook my head again. "And why are you having sex in a truck?"

"He... wanted to."

"You wanted to have sex in a truck?"

"No, he did."

He frowned, pausing. "This is consensual sex, right?" I didn't answer. "Alex. You're not being forced, right?"

"He... um..." I reached for my phone, realizing then that Trevor also had that, and ran back to my room for my laptop. When I got back I could see the worry in my brother's eyes as I handed him the computer with an open tab of the chat forum. "I'm LittleNinja."

He read it. While he did, I watched his expression. The further he got the more aggravated he got. Suddenly he put it to the side. "You think I don't like you?"

"Huh?"

"In the third post, you said 'my brother thinks I'm a loser' when have I ever said that to you?" I paused. "And you think mom and dad don't like you? Alex, why didn't you talk to us about this?" Again, I was silent. "And this guy... he raped you?"

"He was nice in the beginning." I defended. Why I'm not sure. "But then he..."

"You're breaking up with him."

"Huh?"

"That isn't an option, by the way, you're getting rid of him."

"But he-"

"He hurt you. He gave you all those bruises, didn't he? I'm fine with you dating a guy, but not if he's going to hurt you like this. That's not love."

"I can't..."

"You're not serious, are you? You know that he raped you and you know that he's a bad person. Why are you refusing?"

"Because he's scary!"

He opened his mouth, then caught himself. "Goddammit, Alex."

"If I leave him, I'll be alone again and I can't-"

"Break up with him or I'm telling mom and dad about all of this."

"No! Please don't!"

"I'm doing this to help you, mom and dad won't care that you like guys. But you can't let him hurt you!"

I'm stuck, I realized. He meant well, I knew that, but it forced me further into a hole I'd dug for myself. I was so far down I couldn't even see the top anymore. Not only that, but I was getting buried alive.