that damned cigarette ↪ m.c

2.3 - maybe heaven existed after all

I wasn’t a religious person so I wasn’t ever sure what to expect what came after death. All I could make out through my half-open eyes was a bright, white light.

Maybe Heaven existed after all.

My body didn’t feel as heavy as I expected. In fact, I felt as light as a feather. It felt like I was floating. I smiled, feeling at peace. The overwhelming sense of being somewhere safe filled me and made me tingle to the core.

My fantasy of Heaven was short lived however, as a face came into my view. Their mouth was moving – his teeth gripping onto his already bright red lip as he stared at me. I wanted to wave at him but I couldn’t; my arm felt like it was holding up the Empire State building.

I could hear him now calling out to me. It felt as though I was being thrust down a tunnel back into the real world and, at the end, was the crash of everything that happened.

It wasn’t me, it was River. River who made me feel calm and peaceful. River who had made me laugh and was happy to sit in silence with me when I needed a break. River I barely got to know but couldn’t wait to be with. My chest tightened all over again as I remembered the way his body looked.

“Where is he?” My voice cracked as I spoke and I had to clear out my throat.

“Oh Natalie, I’m so glad you’re okay. You were in hysterics so they drugged you and –“

“Where is he?” Stronger this time, the tone of my voice startled him.

“There was nothing they could do.” He was looking at the ground, sadness evident on his face.

“What do you mean?” I pushed myself up off the bed, ready to go demanding to see him. They had to be able to help him. He must have just been unconscious.

“It was an overdose. Weed, alcohol and… and heroin.” Stunned, I looked up at him. My eyes were burning with fresh tears. River was stupid enough to inject heroin?

My body convulsed as a fresh wave of tears burst out of my body. His arms instantly came around me, slowing moving me back to the stupid bed I woke up on. I clung to him. My nails were digging into his arms with such force that I was sure they were drawing blood yet he didn’t even try to get me to release.

I don’t know how long we sat there. I’m sure I fell in and out of consciousness but he never made me move or left me alone. I had caught glimpses of the girls when I was conscious but crying. I heard them discussing how much I seemed to like him and a doctor explaining it was probably shock too.

Damn right it was shock, I found River’s dead body!

The same doctor tried speaking to me, telling me the police wanted to question me. He told them to screw off and let me get over my shock. I hugged him tighter.

It was fully bright outside by the time I came to and didn’t instantly cry. He was asleep, a troubled look on his face. I was embarrassed by my behaviour, in a way but all I could think about was the way River looked when I last saw him. I absentmindedly let out a cry and he jolted awake.

“Natalie, babe, it’s okay.” His voice was low and soft as if he was speaking to a scared deer. One of his arms unwrapped itself from my body as he reached for a glass of water on the table next to him. “Drink, you need it.”

Hungrily, I chugged down the whole pint of water. Licking my cracked lips, I handed it back to him, smiling. His arm came back around me and I snuggled into his chest.

“I’m so sorry Michael.” His name left my lips as a whisper and he left a kiss on my head.

“Don’t ever be sorry, Natalie. I love y… being here for you.” I nodded slightly against his chest. I didn’t want to focus on River, I was just going to focus on Michael.

Only Michael.

-&-

Michael’s p.o.v

A familiar cry woke me from my nap.

Natalie.

I had spent the last near 24 hours with my arms around her crying figure. Rosie, Nicole and the boys had all dropped in for a visit but Natalie hadn’t calmed down enough to even properly realise they were there. I knew she was in shock, even the doctor had said so but I couldn’t help the jealous that coursed through me every time she choked out River’s name in between sobs.

“Natalie, babe, it’s okay.” I spoke softly, afraid to set her off again. The doctor specifically told me to make sure she had as much water as I could get her to drink so, while she was calm, I grabbed the water the nurse left. “Drink, you need it.”

Seconds after I gave her the glass, the water was gone. She licked her lips and, if we had been in a different situation, I’m sure I’d be tempted to kiss them. I kind of was but I knew it wasn’t right to do so. I made sure to pull her back to my body after I put the glass down. I didn’t want to lose contact with her now; she already said she doesn’t forgive me.

“I’m so sorry Michael.” The way she whispered my name sent a shiver down my spine. I smiled down at her head, kissing it softly. I hoped I wasn’t overstepping my mark.

“Don’t ever be sorry, Natalie. I love y… being here for you.” Her head nodded softly against me. She didn’t notice my slip up and I let out a breath.

Why would I even nearly say that?

Natalie was a friend. Well, she wasn’t but she will be when she forgives me. She understands me and makes me laugh and I always wanted to be close to her. She was a good friend.

Fuck me in the ass;

I liked Natalie.

She didn't even forgive me for being a dick yet here I was liking her. She wouldn't like me back, look at all the things she did to me just for calling her a fuck. Which, I still believe she was. The only thing wrong with my statement was saying that was all she was because in reality, she was so much more.

I didn't often like girls, they never use to like me back so I gave up with trying. Well, I gave up properly trying. I've happily had sex with multiple girls since I was 15. 

Me and Natalie wasn't going to be a thing. I didn't want the fuss that came with liking a girl. Instead, I can just get her to forgive me and become her friend. Real friend. That way, I can still have her in my life but no relationship.

I didn't want to use Natalie, no matter how much I loved the memory of her skin against mine. We could just become friends.

I never wanted a relationship. No matter who the girl was.

I'd run before anything got serious.

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i say it a lot, but I love you guys. I can't believe this is on 3k reads! thank so so much xo

i ship Michael and Natalie a lot. is that a bad thing? idek

next chapter is up on wednsday xo