The Mating Games

chapter 27- Demons hide in our cracks

"Summer, I don't want to wear that," are the words I really didn't want to hear right now. I just wanted this day to be over but I was almost at breaking point. Theo is the one to blame, if he hadn't told Sophie I was going shopping with April then she wouldn't have invited herself along and I would be sane. But that's not how life goes; life is more like trying to reach the top of the stairs only to find out that when you get to the top, there's a ladder to climb, and I was facing that ladder.

"Sophie, you need to wear a jumper because it's cold and you don't want to be sick; just put it on," I sighed. It wasn't even midday but I was ready for a nap, not that I had the luxury and Sophie was trying my patience. It might have been manageable if April had the maturity of an adult and not a child but alas, luck was not on my side.

"SUMMMMMER, I wanna go," April moaned from the couch, throwing her arms in the air and heaving a massive sigh. I'm going to go crazy.

"Put on the jumper or you can't go," Sophie narrowed her eyes at me but I wasn't budging, this is the last straw or I was going to crack. The little girl shifted from foot to foot, still not moving. "Fine, you can stay here and wait for Theo to come home. April lets go, I want to make sure we have enough time to go get some lingerie," I moved to put on my shoes and grabbed my purse on the way. I wasn't going to be the push over anymore and it was time for Sophie to learn that I was the adult and she is the child in the situation, not the other way round. It was not long after April and I had made our way out to the car when the small figure bounded out the door with her jumper firmly wrapped around her waist and a massive pout on her lips.

"I'm ready!" Game set and match.

/

"I'm tireeeeeed," Sophie moaned for the tenth time in the last five minutes. Count to ten, deep breath in and out through the nose.

"I know but we have to make one last stop okay?" I tried to satiate her but she pulls at the bag over my shoulder.

"I want to go!" My patience wears thin and I spin on my heels, pulling her hand free.

"Sophie, if you don't stop complaining I can't promise what will happen when I tell Theo," I warn her, ready to just leave her in town. She bites her bottom lip and tears gather in her eyes but she blinks them away. April nudges me softly and wraps an arm around the child.

"Why don't you go to the store and we'll go back to the car and get you," I nod my head, shaking off my anger and walk away. I don't mean to be so short with her it's just my nerves have been wearing thin as of late. The store isn't far away and I can't help but revel in the quiet as I make my way through the aisle. There isn't much I need but my embarrassment peaks as I hit the women's section. I know I shouldn't feel this way but my hands start to sweat, I look around to see who's watching me, who's judging me. The pregnancy test sits between the lube and condoms, how fucking ironic; bit late for those now I think bitterly and grab the first one I see, shoving it into the basket.

Leaving the store feels like I have a secret, like I have to hide my life from the world. What would people think, what assumptions would they make? The gnawing dread pools deep in my body, weighing me down like cinderblocks; how do I tell people? Theo pops into my head, what will he think, well I'm sure it won't be that much of a surprise since he was the one to fuck me in the woods. Just thinking of that night makes me want to cringe or cry, I can't decide. It was like being trapped in a nightmare, only when I woke up I didn't have the comfort of knowing it was just a dream and my life was still the same as yesterday. A baby was not in the plan for me, not yet at least; I feel like a puppet being pulled around. The voices of the world pushing me to press fast forward on my life; what is meant to be will be. And I leave it at that.