Under Control/Joshler

11.

A/N trigger warning
It's been a week so far and Josh and Tyler are taking a break. Josh is currently staying at a hotel down town and Tyler's alone in their apartment. Josh always messages him, but never gets any response. He sends Jenna or Brendon or the sweet old lady who lives downstairs to go round occasionally to check on him.

~~~

Tyler's pov:
I've spent the past few days feeling sorry for myself. I won't lie, I really do miss Josh. I miss him and his hugs.

I've not moved from the couch since he left. I've not even exercised. Instead, my fat ass has been sat down, shovelling all the fucking food in my face like the loser I am.

Look at all the empty wrappers and scraped tubs. Do you feel any better about yourself?

Cautiously, I set down the spoon and I stare at all the tubs and cans that surround me. You can't even see the table because it's covered in rubbish from my sorrowful binge.

I wonder how many calories that are brewing in your stomach and spreading to your thighs and your arms.

My eyes wander down to my stomach and legs. I grab and tease at the fat. I'm honestly a mess. Why have I done this? I rush to my feet and I quick dispose of my tracks and I thoroughly clean the table to hide my remains of what I've done to myself.

I drag my feet to the bathroom and I stand in front of the mirror. I examine my face closely and I'm not surprised with what I see. My eyes have dark circles under them, and my skin isn't too good either. I step back and I pull off my shirt. I feel guilty after eating all the food because I can see that it's gone straight to my stomach. I pull out the scales from under the sink and I hesitantly step on it. My heart speeds quickly when the numbers change and flip. I stare at the number that appears on the scale. That's not right. I undress fully, maybe my clothes add a bit of weight? Or maybe it's all the food you ate. I step up again and the numbers only change slightly.

Unsatisfied
Angry
Disappointed

My eyes glance to the toilet whilst I'm pulling my clothes back on. Do it. No. I'll just go out to the gym. Punish yourself. That's too far. You deserve it. I can go to the gym and burn it. Do it!

I throw myself in-front of the toilet whilst I have an internal war with myself. Think of all the calories that you've ate like an animal. I close my eyes. Lean over. Take a deep breath. I remember what I've read and I slowly push two fingers to the back of my throat. Three attempts and I'm heaving and exerting out everything from the past few days. The sound of my stomach unloading echoes through the bathroom and probably the whole apartment.

My reflection in the mirror looks a lot different to what it did 10 minutes ago. My cheeks are swollen and my dark circles have become deeper. One last time I pull out the scale. -3 pounds. I sigh in relief.

Satisfied
Euphoric
Pleased

A/N updating twice in 10 hours who am i sh00k
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