She De Man

Starlee's story

*September*
I'm holding KL and trying to rock him back to sleep when my phone starts going off. I quickly grab it and answer it. I see Cody standing in the door way so I tell the person to hold on for one second. I stand up and walk over to him.
"Can you rock him?" I quietly whisper to him. He nods his head then kisses my forehead before grabbing our son.
"Hello? Hey, Coach Pat! Im doing good. Well it is 2 in the morning here in Australia. Oh no sir. I was actually rocking my son to sleep. Sure, what is it? Really? Are you sure I'd be the best for it? No it's fine. I can fly over. Okay see you then."
I look at Cody and see the questioning look he has on his face.
"That was my old softball coach. He's now the principal at the high school and he wants me to come talk about suicide." I tell him.
Cody says, "How long?"
I laugh and say, "Just a couple days. Plus it gives mom and dad a chance to see KL."
I watch him stand up and put KL back down into his crib. He walks over to me and pulls me close to him.
"I know. I just..." He quietly says to me.
I smile and kiss him and whisper, "We will be fine, Code. Then we will be back home before you know it honey."
He nods and we head back to bed.

*Couple days later at Lipan High School*
I walk down the halls to the gym where Coach Pat told me to go. I stop real quick and see the monument they made for the boys we lost my senior year which included Brandon. A lot of the boy's rodeo awards and other sports awards were in there. I keep going to the gym before I'm late. I crack the door as I watch the video that was playing of my high school years.

I was a cross country, track, cheerleader and softball player in high school. Plus I rodeoed all year long. I smile as I see the video from my senior year and I see the picture of Brandon spinning me around when the softball team had won state. Then I see pictures from all the times I've won a world championship or even a big rodeo.

As Welcome to the Jungle starts playing I can't help but smile because that was my softball walk out song. I hear Coach Pat call my name to come out. I walk out and wave at everyone. I hug him and take the microphone from him.

"Hey y'all. If you don't know me I'm Starlee Hedeman Crossett. So your probably wondering why Coach Pat well excuse me Mr. Patterson asked me to come here to talk about suicide especially after watching that video and seeing all my championships. I have a story that isn't the easiest to tell. Sure I've had a good life but I went through things that a young person shouldn't go through. I'm a two time suicide attempt survivor. I graduated high school two years early; I was dating Brandon Crossett when we graduated. I had been dating him since we were sophomores in high school. The Christmas of our senior year Brandon proposed to me. We got married the day after graduation. We then went on a two week vacation and spent one week at the beach and the other in Australia. We came back and Brandon left for his military training. I actually found out a month later that I was pregnant. Then the week before Brandon and his buddies were to come back to Morgan Mill their plane malfunctioned and killed almost everyone on it. I remember the front door bell ringing and answering it and I knew something bad had happened. They informed me that Brandon was killed in training. Now if you didn't know I've always had bad anxiety so I was on anxiety medicine but my doctors had lowered my dosage because of being pregnant. So two weeks after Brandon and the other guys came back and we had their funerals I decided that I couldn't make it without him. I took all of my anxiety pills and overdosed on them. Brandon's mom, Ms. Dana, said she had a weird feeling that she needed to get to me. She got there and called 911. When I woke up they informed my that I had lost my child and nearly lost my own life. I had a rodeo scholarship to Western Texas College for that coming fall and when I woke up my rodeo Coach and his wife were sitting in the waiting room for me. Coach Rhodes informed me that even if I wasn't ready to ride they still wanted me and I could be the manager for the rodeo team. Well me being a Hedeman and as stubborn as I am, I made sure I could ride that year and actually went to the college finals and was in the top 5 that year. I remember staying at Coach R's house all the time. His family became and still are my family. When I'm out in West Texas that's where I usually stay. I baby sat their kids my two years at WTC.
Then the most funniest thing happened, I spent the summer after losing Brandon and the baby in Australia with one of my god-fathers and a family I'm super close too. I met a young man down there that at the time I didn't know would later on in life have a big impact on me. When I finished my two years at WTC, I moved on to the University of Tennessee because I was given the chance to be a cheerleader for them and to be on their rodeo team. I graduated with a degree in Agriculture Education. While at UT my junior year, I was finally eligible to compete on the professional rodeo circuit and so I did. My rookie year, I won rookie of the year and I was the first ever rookie to win a national championship. I won 5 championships back to back for the each rough stock event and All around and one of those years I also won a championship from Championship Bull Riding. 
So it sounds like my life was getting better right? Well at that time yes. I was dating a cowboy from out West and his best friend informed me that he was about to propose to me. I knew he wasn't the one for me so I snuck out one night with my stuff packed and ran. Three months later, I did get married for a second time and this is where my story takes a turn. He started abusing me because I was a better bull rider than him. It started out just to be verbal then it turned into him hitting me where no one could see it. I remember him slapping me and bruising my face. Well I started to wear heavier make up because of that. I forgot about the bruise one night when I stayed at Jared Farley's house. I remember taking my make up off and getting ready for bed when Pete Farley walked in there and saw my face. He told me that I needed to get out of that marriage before he killed me. I didn't listen to him and I should have. A year and a half into our marriage I found out I was pregnant. I was 8 months along when he got the bright idea that the baby wasn't his. We got into a fight and he started hitting me. He actually raped me that night. I remember waking up on the floor in my own blood hours after he did that. I left and headed back home to Texas. My mother's family owns some land in Weatherford and on the land we had a place that we would hang out. I went there because I knew no one would be there. I remember sending out a group message thanking everyone for always being there and for loving me through it all. That I would miss them. That caused everyone to go frantic. Jared Farley knew instantly where to look for me. When Pete and him got there I had the gun in my hand trying to decided where to shot myself. I remember Jared talking to me and Pete grabbing the gun from me. I passed out right after that. When I woke up I had Jared on one side of me and Jesse Byrne on the other. Pete was standing at the end of the bed and his exact words to me were that he told me that Derek would kill me and that he tried. I ended up having a broken nose, a busted lip, broken ribs on my left side, a broken wrist, and cracked knuckles.
After my divorce and spending time in Canada with the Byrne family I went to Australia and stayed with the Farley family.
Now don't get me wrong from time to time I still get those feelings but I know better now. I know I have people who love me. I have an amazing boyfriend which happens to be that guy I met the year after I lost Brandon. We just had a baby 4 and a half months ago. Yes, we fight but we love each other at the end of the day. I'm happy with my life but I do still struggle.
All I'm asking is if your feeling that way or know someone that is tell an adult. I'm in and out of the Morgan Mill area and if I'm home come talk to me. If Coach Pat is okay with it I'm going to hang out for a bit so stop by and talk if you need to. Thank y'all for listening to my story."
As I said this I see newer pictures on the screen including one of KL, Cody, and I. I can't help but to smile and know I'm in a much better place now.