She De Man

Remembrance

*A month later*
I walk into Ms. Wilson's flower shop and look around. I look at a bouquet of sunflowers and play with the petals. I slowly keep walking through the shop and stop every once in a while to touch some of the flowers. I finally make it to the back of the store.
Ms. Wilson smiles at me and says, "Starlee, how are you today?"
I kinda smile and say, "I'm okay Ms. Wilson. I just came to get my usual flowers."
She looks at the calendar and says, "Your a week early sweetheart."
I nod and say, "I won't be here next week so Jem and I were going to go ahead and go out to the gravesite."
She nods her head and says, "Give me one second to get your lilies and your iris and rose mix."
I nod and wait on her to get my flowers. She comes back to the front carrying both bouquets. She hands them to me.
I look at her and ask, "How much Ms. Wilson?"
She shakes her head and says, "You know I don't require you to pay. Brandon was a hero to this town and that little girl of yours would have been an angel just like her momma is. Starlee you help out here far too much and you don't let me pay you for helping out up here. It's my way of paying you."
I smile and say, "Thank you. You know I love helping out here. It allows me to stay connected with people in the town."
She says, "I know and they love seeing you here. Now go and see your two loves. I'll see you next time you work."

*At the graveyard*
I pull up outside the graveyard and slowly take a breath. I place a kiss on my finger tips and place my fingers on Brandon's dog tags. I get out of my jeep and grab the bouquets. I make my way to the gravesite and take a seat in between the two graves. I can feels the tears running down my face as I wrap my arms around my legs. I look at Dixie Rose's grave and whisper, "Oh how I love you sweet girl. I wish you were here with me now. You'd be the most beautiful little girl I know. You'd probably be giving all of your uncles a run for their money, too. Which would be funny to see especially with your Uncle Pete because he needs a good kick in the butt sometimes. I love you my little angel. I miss you more than you'll ever know baby girl."
I place the white lilies on her tombstone.

I look at Brandon's tombstone and whisper, "Oh god, Bran, how I wish you were here now. I need you more than ever. Everything is just crazy sweetheart. I'm to the point I'm not sure what's going on anymore. I need your advise now more than ever; then again if you were here I wouldn't need this advice because we'd be together and I wouldn't be in this situation. I kissed Cody Heffernan to make him shut up last month. This was after he kissed me a few months ago. He's in a relationship and I'm doing stupid crap like this. I made a promise to him years ago that I would come to the Australian Finals when he knew he pretty much was going to be champion. The only issue is that it's a couple days before CBR's finals. I could skip my finals but you know how dad is on stuff like that. He would not be a happy camper with me which he's not right now. I'm just not sure what to do, dad and Lane are aggravated with me because of the PBR stock contracting stuff. I still won't sign my name on the line and because I won't do it then Trevor won't do it. It's more Lane mad at me than dad. Dad just won't sign the line until all us kids sign it. I just don't agree with the terms their wanting. They want me to ride for the PBR well let me rephrase that one of my dear sweet God-fathers wants me to ride for the PBR so he's trying to work it into the deal. Dad and Lane seem to forget when I get the chance I run and hide. There's no telling where I'll end up by running and hiding if I sign this deal or even if I'll get a chance. I don't want to ride for the PBR and now to stock contract for them I'm being told I pretty much have to if I want my bulls to see their lights. I mean I have three bulls that have been bull of the year for PRCA and just this past year we were awarded Stock Contractor of the Year. I know how good some of my bulls are but I know how I feel about the PBR. I just don't know what to do about it. Now I have to add on PRCA wanting to strip my titles from me after that big fight I got into in the beginning of the year. They've already suspended me from riding and now I'm being told I may not hold any titles from them. I would be loosing 20 titles that I worked my butt off for. I need some type of advise honey."

I sit there for another 10 minutes staring off into the horizon with tears running down my face. I feel someone wrap their arms around me and I look up to see Jemmer. I start crying even more and whisper, "I miss them both Jem. How I long to feel your brother's touch and to hear and see my sweet girl running around. They say it's suppose to get easier but damn it it hasn't. It's been 10 years and I still miss him. "
Jem whispers, "I know Star I know. I miss his jokes and the way he would explain things to me so I'd understand. I hated how quiet the house got after he left. I hate how much we miss him. Star, he'd want you to move on though. I know your scared and I think that's a lot of the reason why you won't date because you miss him. I think my brother wasn't your soulmate; I think your soulmate is still out there. Bran's our guardian angel and wouldn't let anything happen to either of us."
I nod my head and we sit there for a few more minutes.
Jemmer looks at me and says, "Are you sure you want to leave and not be here next week?"
I say, "Yeah. I need to go missing for a bit. There's so much going on in my life right now I just need to take a break."
Jemmer says, "Okay. Mom and dad are just worried because they know how hard next week is for you. Plus you haven't been to the house in a couple months so their starting to miss you."
I kinda smile and say, "Tell them when I get back I want to have lunch or dinner or hell maybe both with them one day. I'll be in Australia so I'll be okay."
Jemmer says, "Are you staying at the house or are you going to Kempsey?"
I tell her, "I'm staying at the house for a little bit then I'm going to Kempsey to see everyone. Pete keeps pestering me saying I need to come home and check on my cattle."
Jemmer laughs and says, "He would tell you something like that. Which reminds me Trevor came into the store the other day and made a remark that I have to ask you about."
I raise my eyebrow at her and say, "Oh god what it is?"
She starts laughing and says, "I assume you and Heffernan are okay now? His comment was you two were always talking now. That it's worse than you and Pete."
I laugh and say, "I talk to him as much as I do Pete. So about once a day I talk to him. We're okay. We talked last month when he was here for a PBR event. Him and a couple guys came and got on some practice bulls."
Jem grins and says, "Good. I've hated that you two haven't been on speaking terms. It's a little weird when I'm in Singleton and I hear you two still aren't talking to each other. You two have been inseparable for years and then all of a sudden you two aren't talking to each other and your not seeing each other."
I shrug and say, "Yeah I know. We're gonna be okay though. He knows I put up some walls that we are going to have to work on taking back down."
Jem nods and says, "Okay. Let's go grab lunch and you can tell me all about what type of trouble you've gotten into lately. I know you have because your always getting in trouble."