I Loved You First || danisnotonfire

seventeen - Lost

trigger warning

At 6 in the morning, I had snuck out of the house and went to the bookstore, and now at 8 AM I sit between two book cases with my earbuds in my ears as I read. 

I don't know what time it is when I finish the book I'm reading, but all I know that my iPhone and iPod are dead and I don't quite know how to get back home. I grab the books I wanted to buy with me and sit them at the counter. The woman at the counter scans them and I pay.

"Um do you know what time it is? My phone died," I ask her.

She checks her own phone, "11:37."

I say thank you and walk out of the store and start to wander around the streets, hoping I'll see something to identify where I am. It seems like a bad place though, with dark alleys and dark buildings with broken windows. I want to get out of here quickly. 

After a few more minutes of walking, I start to panic. What if I can't find my way home? What if something happens to me here? I start to frighten myself with these thoughts as I pick up the pace of walking, and begin to sing a song in my head to distract myself. 

I looked awfully childish, so maybe that'd prevent anything too bad. But on the other hand, most people go for the innocent ones, so that makes me quite fucked. I take the bow out of my hair and unclip my Rainbow Dash necklace that PJ gave to me and shove them in my bag. 

I nervously pull down the sleeves of my sweater as I look around. It seems I've gotten somewhere worse. With abandoned cars, smokers, and possible drug dealers, I try to walk faster and go unnoticed. But it's quite hard with my colorful shoes and sweater. 

"Hey girl!" Someone shouts, I turn my head and point to myself. "Yeah you, what's your name?"

"Uh, Fiona," I mumble. The person who called me nods. 

"You lost?" They ask. I identify them as a girl.

I nod. The girl stands up and walks down the steps to her house from her friends and over to me. 

"Need to use my phone?" She asks. I nod again and she hands me her iPhone, which is cracked. I carefully slide my hand over the screen and dial Dan's number into the phone.

He picks up on the third ring, "Who's this?"

"It's Fiona."

"Where the hell are you?" 

I roll my eyes, "Good morning to you too, Dan," I mutter. "Yeah, that's the problem. I don't exactly know."

Dan sighs, "What do you mean you don't know? By the way, it's 12:11, not exactly morning anymore."

"I mean I don't know Dan, what the hell else could it mean? I just called to tell you I'm lost. I may just find a bus stop and get off at a place I know and walk home, okay?" I say, running my hand through my hair.

"Okay, ugh, why did you sneak out anyway?" Dan questions.

I shrug, "Bookstore. Got some things. Bye Dan." 

I hang up and hand the phone back to the girl. She puts it in her back pocket.

"Thanks," I say, smiling. She nods.

"There's a bus stop 'bout a mile from here," the girl tells me before turning around and walking away.

I nod to myself and continue to walk, "Keep straight until the third turn, then turn right!" The girl shouts behind me. 

I shove my hands in my pocket as I remember what she told me. I look and see the first turn and walk past it, sighing as now I know I'm about to be home. 

My stomach growls, and I decide to get something to eat before I continue. There's a McDonald's farther up ahead, so I run to it and grab chicken nuggets, fries, and a frappe and continue on.

I'm about to turn the third corner, when I'm stopped. A burly, heavily stubbled man with scraggy messed up hair stands before me.

He takes my hand and drags me, and I scream for someone, I scream for Dan, I scream for Phil, hoping that they'll hear and come to my rescue. They don't. My stomach is aching now and I regret McDonald's as my food choice, but I hope I throw up on the guys face.

I try to calm down, taking deep breaths as I'm pushed inside a black car and pushed in the back seat. I imagine good things, favorite singers, and home as he gets on top of me and tries to take off my shirt. I scream again, and he pins my arms down. 

"That hurts," I whine.

"It's supposed to," he mutters.

And that's when the tears come, I scream and sob as my shirt is over my head, and he unbuttons my jeans. I should have never snuck out the house oh my gosh he's going to rape me and kill me and I'm horrified. I try to calm myself again and I try to think of what to do. His jeans are off and he's just about to unhook my bra when I get the idea to kick him in his privates and run while pulling my jeans back up and putting my shirt back on.  And crying, there's a lot of crying. 

I see the bus stop, and the guy sitting in the car, gladly not running after me. I'm not worth it. Thank God I'm not worth it. 

I sit and wait for the bus, wiping my eyes while I try to calm down my breathing. The bus pulls up and I give money and sit in the back, as far from people as possible.

As I thought, I realize something meaning I'm close to home. I stop the bus and get off, running to the house and I start knocking on the door, and I begin sobbing again. 

I sob because I'm happy I'm home, because I know I might not have came home at all, or came home a little more broken. Phil opens the door and I cry harder wrapping my arms around him. Phil holds me tight and I continue to cry. I hear Dan's foot steps and I ignore him just then, and I pull myself from Phil.

+

Two hours later, I sit in my warm pyjamas with popcorn and hot chocolate, with Phil and Dan watching me. I glance at the both of them.

"What?" I ask, narrowing my eyebrows at their staring. 

"What happened?" Dan questions. 

I didn't want to mention it. I shake my head, "Something horrible. Really really horrible." 

The silence is back, and I'm happy no one asks anything more. After I finish my hot chocolate, I tell everyone good night, and go back to my room for bed. 

+

At 1 the next morning, I walk to Phil's room and knock on his door. I open it, and Phil groans and puts a pillow over his face. 

"Sorry," I whisper. "I wanted someone to talk to. Wanted to tell you what happened." 

Phil sits up and makes room for me, and I sit on top of the blankets as I explain everything. Phil clutches onto the sheets in anger when I get to the point of why I was crying, and I have to calm him down. 

"I'm fine, Phil, I'm fine," I reassure, and as I repeat it, I fall asleep. 

okay, so i'm sorry that this chapter is so sad but i tried writing a fluffy one and i suck with fluff so yeah...sorry. but yeah, i think you'll hate me for the next chapter or two. sorry again. but anyway, this chapter has rape in it. i'm sorry if that is triggering, but i told you at the beggining. so recently one of my best friends were raped, and i just yeah...i'm writing a rant about it on my story "Updates And Other Stuff" so if you want to read it...then yeah. see you in the next slightly not as triggering chapter.