•New Perspective /Chic/ Riverdale•

~slip back~

Author's note
This one is gonna be a bit depressing, also self harm trigger warning. Yikes sorry about the fact that I didn't post for like 5 days

When I got home the razor tempted me again.

I took the blade out of it and looked at it. I heard Betty calling my name. I didn't care. I just wanted the warm blood running down my leg.

As the blade started touching my scarred skin Betty rushed and took it out of my hand as fast as she could and started crying.

"Chic... I... didn't know. Please stop. Have you done it since you got here!?"

"No I didn't. I was 8 days clean."

I mean, I am still clean. She stopped me right when I was about to start. Christ, without her I would have been dead. Which would be better.

Everything I touch, I hurt.

I hurt mom when she came, I hurt Kevin, I hurt myself.

This girl had done everything for me. There was no way in Hell, Michigan I could thank her enough.

  Betty gave me a webcam and an old laptop of hers.
  I guess she thought that maybe my sinful ways of calming myself thru what is literally selling my body worked.

  It did. I just had to find a new way of dealing with my anger and doing that again won't help me.

I tried to be as respectful as I could and told Betty I didn't want it.

I hate the fact that my relationship with her has turned from brotherly love to me telling myself "oh just try to be nice" I told her we should go to Pop's and I could just tell her about... my scars and stuff like that. She agreed and held my hand. The "spark" we had when I got here started to recover.
Even tho I loved her, I still doubted Betty a little bit. She was too nice sometimes.

She ordered her usual strawberry milkshake and I got a chocolate one because I wanted to experiment.

I took one of my usual "oooh look at me I'm so sad" sighs and started.

"It all started when I was 14. In the boys' room there were blades so we could shave off our pornstaches.
You know... fuck... I really don't like to talk about this but sometimes some scary men with black hoods on beat the boys. Sometimes to death.
When I saw my best friend, Mikey, dying, I was scarred for life. When I still used to believe in the heaven and hell bullshit because I was brainwashed I wanted to go to Hell with him. He was more than a friend. He made me realize I was... not staight... Also he had a boyfriend, Pete so there was no way he'd date me... "

Before I knew it, the table was full of tears and Betty moved next to me so she could hold my hand.

Her hands were the best description of her.

  Her hands were soft and her nails painted with a lavander polish but you could feel her scars and nails chipping off at the tips because of the digging.

She was just like me, except the opposite. Betty had a dark, angry and rebellious person inside of her but hid it in her innocent look while I was a little kid crying hidden in a fucked young adult's body.

  Someone entered the restaurant. Nicely dressed, brown hair, fairly athletic.

  Kevin Keller.

  He didn't order anything, he just rushed towards me. I guess Betty called him. He sat on the bench and very non-chalantly said:

  "I didn't want to kiss you either. You're not my type. I like boys with lo..."

  I interrupted him:

  "...ng hair and leather jackets. Me too! We could um... be friends... gay guys can be friends too... right?"

  Him and Betty chuckled at how awkward I was. Eventually, before he left Kevin invited me to a sleepover with Betty and Ronnie. I guess it could be cool so I accepted.
 
  When I got home mom told Betty to go to her room and she sat me on the couch. She just asked me a three word question.

  "Why?"

  Betty told her. The fucking tears I despised so much started making an appearance again.

  "First thing I should tell you, I'm gay. Second thing, I didn't get to do it. I'm 8 days clean. And third thing. I solved the issue."

  "It's ok if you don't want to tell me. But I do have a thing to tell you."

  "W...w...what?"

  "Me and your dad got back together"

  Her and Hal? No way. I guess I'm gonna live on the streets then.

  "Oh, ok... I'm gonna pack things up and I guess I'll go..."

  She was baffled.

  "No no no no! Not Hal! Your real dad!"

   My real dad.

  I was about to meet my dad. I couldn't believe it. Is he like my childhood dreams? Short, bald and friendly?

  I couldn't contain my words so I just hugged mom.

  Hugging has become a habit of mine. I guess Betty's habit of comforting me with her warm lovely hugs made me feel like I want to do that to other people that might feel down.

  I wasn't loved so I wanted others to have that chance.