Happy Accidents

Chapter 15 Apologies

Chapter 15 Apologies.

            To say I haven’t been depressed these last couple of days would be a lie. I was depressed, the smallest things would make me cry and I couldn’t get a hold on my emotions.

            It felt like my heart had been ripped out. Chad left me, he really left me. I kept telling myself this but it never fully seemed real.

            I was in this huge house all by myself and nobody to talk to. I had no friends anymore, and after only two days I was very lonely.

            The morning after our breakup Chad had came by and picked up all of his things. He left me a car and said if there were any emergencies to give him a call. But he was contradicting himself because just the day before he said that he wouldn’t be able to be here for me for at least the next five months, and then after that he didn’t want anything to do with us.

            I lie down on the couch and put my hands on my belly. “Sorry baby, I really thought Daddy was going to be here for us but I guess not. It’s just me and you! But that’s okay; I’m going to be the best Mommy I can.” I said basically to myself. I had started talking to the baby since I had no one else to occupy my time.

            As if to reassure me the baby kicked my tummy. The baby hadn’t been kicking as much I assume it’s because its getting harder for the little one to move in my tummy. It’s just getting so big I swear every day I wake up and my stomach as popped out another inch.

            I turned on the TV and started watch 16 and pregnant. I had become addicted to the show the minute I got pregnant but thanks to Chad and mine’s fight last night I had missed the latest episode. But thanks to MTV constantly replaying there shows I get to see it today!

            I could hear my phone ringing in the distance but it was to much of a struggle to get to it on the kitchen counter so I let it go to voicemail. If the person really wanted to talk to me they would leave a message and I would get back to them later. It’s just to hard for a pregnant girl to get off of the couch. I silently chuckled to myself.

            Two hours later and I was in the kitchen fixing me some food. I swear I ate like every two hours. It was becoming just a tad ridiculous.

            I picked up my phone and noticed I had three missed calls, and seven texts. I started with the text first.

            They were all from Chad and I really didn’t want to read them but I wasn’t that kind of person to ignore things like this.

            The first one was him apologizing a million times. The second one was more apologies and along with the next three. The sixth one was him worrying about me not picking up the phone and the last one said something that made my heart flutter.

            Mandy, I’m so sorry for everything I did the other day I don’t know what was going through my mind at the time but I don’t want to leave you. I want to be in our child’s life and as soon as I’m off tour I’m coming home to you and the baby to make this right.

           

            Although that last text was sweet I still wasn’t ready to forgive him. I know it was childish but I had spent the last two days lying around crying over him.

            Chad, I’m not ready to accept your apology just yet. You really hurt me and its going to take me a while to forgive you. I just, I think it hurts more because I new in the beginning you would do this to me but you were so sweet and each day that I spent with you I shoved that thought farther and farther into the back of my mind until I was sure you weren’t going to leave me. But you did and it hurts, it hurts like nothing I have ever felt before. I won’t keep you out of the baby’s life but as of right now I don’t want to get back together with you. I just need some time.

 

            It took no time for him to respond to my very lengthy text.

            Ok, I understand that completely. But I can’t say that I like it. I do love you Mandy more than anything on this planet. And I love that baby just as much! I will give you your time but I can’t say that I won’t fight for your love in return every step of the way.

 

            I jus don’t know how much I can trust a rockstar on tour. I mean you could have a different girl every night and I wouldn’t know a thing about it.

 

            Well that’s a low blow, Mandy you have to know that I would never cheat on you. EVER!! I love you to much for that and I could barely take seeing you upset the other day. I don’t want to ever experience that again so I promise you with all my heart I will never hurt you again.

 

            Okay Chad, but I’m still not forgiving you. I’ll talk to you some other time bye.

 

            I love you Mandy, Bye.

 

            I didn’t respond to that last text because at the moment I didn’t want to get his hopes up because I didn’t know if I would take him back. I loved him yes but that doesn’t mean that just because he apologized that I would go running back into his arms. He has to prove that he wants me back and that he’ll never let me go.

            The baby and I can not take it if Daddy is going to love us one moment then hate us the next. I won’t put up with it, I’ll walk the minute he starts pulling that crap.