Truly, Madly, Deeply- a Devakshi story.

They say we are over; why do I feel we never began?

Sonakshi stood in the balcony of Jatin's 25th floor apartment and looked down at the lights of Delhi. How beautiful it all looked from a distance, till one had to brave the unending traffic. This was the second time she had come to Delhi since she had left it after being thrown out of his life by Dev. Coming back unsettled her and disturbed her hard- achieved calm. The streets, the places everything reminded her of her past. In her car whenever she looked out, every other person would seem to be Dev. In the clinic, everytime she saw any tall fair man from a distance, her heart would start beating unnaturally fast till she was sure it wasn't Dev. In hotels, meetings, on TV, everywhere she felt as if he was the next face she would see. Of course she never saw him actually. But at times she didn't know what hurt her more—the fear that she might see Dev or the disappointment that she didn't see him.

Sona got acclimatized to working in Delhi again. As expected the media coverage had flooded the new clinic with patients and the entire team of doctors were stretched to the limit. Since Sona was the main consultant, she had her plate full. In the past year, since she had started working with cancer patients, she would find herself getting emotionally exhausted at the end of each day. Each patient was a tragic story and she felt involved and empathetic. Almost every evening found her in tears. She would rush home to spend time with Soha as that provided the sole solace in her life.

The Bose family were living in Jatin's apartment, while their old house was renovated for their moving in. Jatin, her childhood friend, had been a steadying influence in her life, since she had settled in Kolkata. He himself was an Oncologist and had recently shifted to Delhi from Kolkata. Since the birth of Soha, Jatin had become an integral part of the Bose family. He was himself a widower and Soha's birth had given him a new purpose in his life.

Asha, Bijoy and Jatin –all of them observed Sonakshi's increasing emotional distress. Sona seemed to be living on her nerves since she had come to Delhi. Asha noticed Sona was always lost in her thoughts and suspected that she was crying most nights.

----------

Jatin's house—Asha, Bijoy, Jatin and Sonakshi

Asha: "Sona tu yahan aake itna dukhi kyun rehti hai? Itna dari hui? Hum sab pareshan hain."

Sona: "Maa, mere liye Delhi aana easy nahi hai. Mujhe Delhi mein darr sa lagta hai. Mujhe har shaksh aisa lagta hai jaise woh Dev hoga, har waqt lagta hai jaise woh aas-paas hai. Main itni mushkil se khud ko sambhal payi hoon. Phir sabse badi baat Soha ki hai. Mujhe lagta hai mujhe Dev ko properly inform karna chahiye tha. Halaki main aayi thi Soha ko Dev se milwane par unhone toh mujhse milne se bhi inkaar kar diya. Lekin shayad maine morally aur legally bhi sahi nahi kiya. Mujhe Dev ko inform karna chahiye tha. Soha ke bare mein jananaa uska haq tha. Maa, Kya maine Dev ke saath galat kiya?"

Bijoy: (angrily jumping up)" Mujhe pata tha ki ye sab usi Dixit ki wajah se hai. Tujhe darne ki kya zaroorat hai? Tune kuch galat nahi kiya. Soha hamare ghar ki bachhi hai, uska Dixit family se kya lena-dena?"

Asha: "Tum bol kya rahe ho tumhe kuch maloom bhi hai. Soha, Sona ki akele ki beti nahin hai. Aur at least Soha ke father ko use accept ya reject karne ki choice toh honi chahiye."

Jatin: "Dekhiye aap sab ko ye samajhana chahiye ki agar Dev ne Sona ko 5 saal contact nahi kiya toh ye bahut unlikely hai ki woh ab bhi is rishte mein interested hai. Mere khayal mein Sona ki legal position itni weak nahin hai."

Sona: "Par Baba Dev ne mujhe divorce toh nahin diya hai na?"

Bijoy: "Dekh Sona woh rishta khatm ho chukka hai. Uske bare mein koi bhi romantic khayal rakhne ki zaroorat nahi hai. Tu kya hamari humiliation ko bhool chuki hai? Tujhe ab use khud hi use divorce de dena chahiye. At least teri life aage move on karegi."

Jatin: "Main bhi agree karta hoon. Sona agar tu uske saath reh nahi rahi toh divorce kyun nahi leti? Ek clean break kar. Tabhi tu sahi maayne mein aage barh payegi. Aise bhi legally mothers have more rights."

Sona: " Maa tum bhi yehi feel karti ho?"

Asha: " Sona mujhe lagta hai ki tujhe ek baar Dev se milna chahiye. Tujhe apne questions ke answer khud hi mil jayenge. "

Bijoy: "Sona, Main tumhe ek ultimatum de raha hoon. Ya toh tum ye divorce ki proceedings start karo, ya phir hum sab wapis Kolkata chalte hain kyunki tum is pressure ko le nahi paa rahi ho. Dekh beta tu bahut bade kaam kar rahi hai, tera waqt, tera attention, teri energy sab kuch bahut keemati hai, tu usko Dixit se darr kar fizool mat zayaa kar. Zindagi mein aage badh, ek zinda lash ki tarah is mare hue rishte ko leke mat phir."

Jatin's home( the same night)

Jatin: "Sona mujhe lagta hai ki tujhe divorce ke baare mein sochna chahiye."

Sona was quiet, looking out at the night. She knew that Jatin was right, but even though her married life had lasted only 6 months, while she had been separated for nearly five years, the finality of a divorce felt too much to handle. Not that she thought there was a chance of going back to him, or that she even wanted to, but the fact that divorce would rip off the band aid off all her wounded memories once more , seemed too disruptive.

Sona-" Jatin, I am so busy with Soha, my patients and traveling, where do I find the energy and the time to fight a divorce. And who knows he might not even agree for a mutual consent divorce. What if he decides to fight me ? How messed up it would be for Soha?

Sona started crying, burying her face in her hands and Jatin got up and hugged her and tried to stop her tears.

Jatin-" Sona, Sona don't cry. The most important thing is Soha's future and we must ensure that she is happy and stable. The first step towards is that your status should be clear. And I think we are assuming too much. I think if Dev hasn't contacted you for 5 years, he wouldn't want to have much to do with you. Most probably he is also busy and has moved on. Who knows he might actually be happy to be free? The first thing is to contact him and ask him for a divorce and work towards parting with mutual consent ."

Jatin: (now attempting to make her laugh) "And then you remember our promise that if we don't find anyone we want to marry by the time we are 33, we will marry each other. That's only one year away. So you better hurry up and find someone or you will be stuck with me. Which reminds me I better go on a speed dating spree before I get stuck with you"

Sona laughed through her tears, at Jatin, who always made her smile even in the middle of a crisis.

Later in bed, she lay still looking out at the Delhi night sky, reminded of several such nights under the same sky with Dev, looking up at his eyes, sometimes alight with laughter, sometimes darkened with passion, or soft with newly discovered love, sometimes flashing with impatience and anger, but never impersonal and always focussed on her. A lifetime of memories packed in a year, as if it was known that was all she would get at the end, just his memories. She exhausted herself going through her memory rolodex and slept. Sometimes in the night she woke and with sudden clarity realized that she slept deeply and peacefully, unlike other days, because she was under the same sky as Dev. He was there, out there, somewhere near, the closest she had been to him for years.

Soha was only 4 years old and a bright and chirpy little girl. Surrounded by the love of so many adults, she was a wise and independent kid. Sona admitted the child to a school and realised that even here her legal status needed clarification. Moreover, Soha learning about fathers from her friends, had started asking uncomfortable questions.

Her entire family was in favor of a formal divorce for their own personal reasons. Bijoy of course wanted his daughter to be free of the Dixits completely so she could start her life afresh with Jatin( he hoped). But Asha, the wise mother that she was, wanted Sona and Dev to meet once, and wanted to initiate a conversation under whatever pretext. Therefore egged on by her parents and Jatin, Sona decided to call up Dev. She called up Dev's office and got Tina.

-------------

Next-- In which Tina shows up!