Truly, Madly, Deeply- a Devakshi story.

Kuch farz abhi bhi hain, kuch karz abhi bhi hain

And so met Sona and Dev, again, after years. She noticed he looked older and his eyes had lost the innocence she had so loved; He looked calculatingly at her, not wanting to make this easy at all. He noticed that her expressive eyes no longer sparkled with liveliness but they looked dark , still pools of gentle sympathy. And in that infinitesimal moment, something shifted , something unfurled deep inside Sona, her rehearsed lines forgotten, she looked deep into his eyes and smiled , ever so slightly, but with genuine warmth and said "Hello"

Dev was thrown off balance, unprepared as he was for a civil greeting and a smile. He did not allow his surprise to reflect on his face and continued to watch her impassively.

Sona felt a little dismayed at the lack of reaction, and looked around at the noisy people around:- Hum kahin alag baatein kar sakte hain?

Dev was about to say something when one of men in his party came up to Sonakshi, looked at her up and down and put out his hand and said," So Dev has been saving the best for the last. But I think I have met you somewhere, Ms....? "

Without bothering to answer him, Dev brusquely said , "Chalo" and walked off the group. Outside in the patio, he brusquely asked her," Kya kahna hai, kaho."

Sona-" Aise? khade hue? Hum kahin baith nahi sakte? " She walked and sat down on a nearby chair, forcing him to follow her.

Sona: " Kaise hain aap?"

Dev: "Tum yahan meri khair khabar poochne nahin aai ho, na hi mujhe tumhe ye batane ki zaroorat hai. Aur jab paanch saalon se koi khair nahi toh ab kis baat ki .........Woh baat karo jis ke liye aai ho"

Sona: " Toh paanch saalon ki history ko repeat kar ke kuch naya toh milne wala nahi. Ye thik hai ki hum aaj ikkthhe nahi hain par saath baith kar civilly baat karna kya impossible hai?"

Dev: " Theek hai toh tum karo baat-- civility se. "

Sona : " Thank you. Baithiye na please. "

Dev: " Tumhare paas 15 minute hain, phir mujhe wapas apni party mein jaana hai."

Sona : " Par maine toh aapse appointment liya tha, chutti le kar aapse milne aayi hoon. Sabhi kuch aapki sharton par. 15 minutes se jyada bhi lag sakte hain na?"

Dev: " Agar tum mujhe guilty feel karane ki koshish kar rahi toh ye jaan lo ki ab mujhe kisi baat se guilt nahi lagti."

Sona : " If it is true that is the best thing because guilt is what causes most diseases. Aise bhi agar aap ko yaad ho toh main aapko guilty feel nahi karwati thi. Aap ke life main guilt trip ke aur bhi bahut karan the."

Dev (looking at her with anger): " Of course, your specialty was not guilt but lack of trust ,wasn't it?"

Sona looked down at her hands and said, "Yes you are right , my biggest problem was always lack of trust."

Dev: looking hard at her, " Did you say that ironically?"

Sona: looking straight at him, " No I meant it. I agree with you. I did not trust you enough. That was definitely my fault. "

Dev watched her disbelievingly, robbed of words.

Sona sighed," If today we cannot look back and understand what went wrong, then we haven't grown up, Dev. After all galtiyon se seekhna hi toh zindagi hai na. Aur apni galtiyon ke liye mujhe dukh hai sharmindagi hai. Jaise shayad aapko bhi ho." She watched him taken aback, undecided what to say.

Dev: with some bluster, trying to cover up his surprise." Mujhe nahi lagta maine koi galtiyan ki hain."

Sona, was amused at his cover up, smiled at him, " Sach ?" looking deep into his eyes and saw that he reddened and looked away from her scrutiny.

Dev swallowed, feeling an insane desire to kneel down by her and put his head in her lap and cry. He felt desperately tired of the burden of sadness he had been carrying so long. He had prepared for this meeting preparing to meet arguments and recriminations and accusations with his own brilliant arguments; but he did not know what to say when she accepted her guilt and looked at him with a sympathetic smile.

Sona herself had not planned on this but when, she looked at the impassive man in front of her, and knew deep inside that facade , he perhaps hurt more than her. She herself felt shocked at her own reluctance to hurt him or be unkind. Instinctively, she wanted to reach out.

Sona: " Achha apni na sahi, meri galti hi ginwa dijiye. Usme toh aapne Ph D kar li hogi abhi tak, right? "

She smiled at him, her large eyes animated. He breathed deeply , looked away and controlled his own expression, trying to tell himself not to be charmed by her, not understanding her and trying to summon up anger against her.

Sona: "Toh kya main ye samjhoon ki meri galtiyan aap bhool chuke hain? Ya phir itni zyada hain ki abhi bhi gin rahein hain?"

Dev just lost it then. He bent down and caught her by her arms and shook her angrily, " Tumhe har cheez mazaak lag rahi hai? Kyun? Kaun si aisi khushi tumhe mil gayi hai ki har cheez pe tumhe hansi aa rahi hai? You made my life hell. Dont you dare celebrate my hell!!"

Sona looked at his eyes, and was reminded of Soha's eyes, the same honey brown eyeballs, the same petulant anger, wanting reassurance. She well knew how to defuse Soha's anger. She covered his hands where they held her arm, with her own hands and said, " Same hell , my friend, same hell. That is where I lived too."

Then walking up to the dark edge of the patio, she looked out upon the dark lawn and said, " Dev, we can either choose to live in that hell or find a new address. At the very least we can help ourselves be free of that hell, right? But I know you will never share your feelings with anyone. "

Very close behind her, Dev spoke, " I cannot believe you actually came here to say all this to me. What made you change your mind? This is not for real, is it? "

Justthen several of Dev's friends came up complaining that they were missing thehost and started ushering him inside thebar. She started to turn away dejectedly, when she saw Dev's face, wanting to say something to her andclearly unwilling to finish this conversation and let her go away. She nodded to him imperceptibly that shewould wait for him to return.