Truly, Madly, Deeply- a Devakshi story.

Reaching the land of the white flag

Sona felt nervous because Dev stared hard at her. In the night it had been far easier to face him.  but now in the cold light of the day, she felt awkward. All the morning she had practiced the conversation down to a pat. But now every statement seemed either needy or bitchy, either too soft or too brutal, either too much Sona or too less Sona. 

Ugh, she thought, what do I say? Dev watched her, surprised, because she had such an air of purposiveness and matter of factness in all the videos he had watched of her, but here she seemed ill-at ease, slightly fearful and flustered. She had always been a fearless, confident girl and never short of conversation, In fact he had fallen for her gregarious and outgoing personality, which had been a contrast to his own. Dev was intrigued by the changes in Sonakshi. He found she looked confident but there was an aloofness, a shuttering down, which was'nt there in the Sona he knew. There was a way she held herself away when speaking with anyone, as if increasing the personal space between people. He wondered what had happened to her and a strange tender sadness twisted inside of him. It looked like the past five years had'nt been as kind to her too. He again wondered why she wanted to meet him.

Dev: " Jatin seems a good guy."

Sona: surprised, "Jatin? Yes he is a good guy. We are living with him in Delhi right now." Dev was listening to the cadences of her voice closely and the casual and factual way in which she said this confirmed what Jatin had indicated that there was nothing romantic between the two of them.

Dev : "Kaho kya baat karni hai.

Sona: looked straight at him, bit her lip and then squaring her shoulder said, "Main aapse divorce ke baare mein baat karne aayi thi. "

Dev was'nt completely shocked as he was expecting something of this sort; still to hear her say those words, finally stripped bare the wound he had been desperately trying to hide under the proverbial band aid. He felt angry and his jaw tightened. He felt sad, really huge waves of hopeless sadness washed over him as he sat there. But outwardly, he didn't change his expression at all. He looked at her bowed head and looked at her fingers twisting the saree fringe.

Dev(thinking) Why do you want a divorce, Sona? Yesterday,I would have thought because you want to marry Jatin; but today I know its not true. Hell, I look at you and I know there isn't any man in your life, there hasn't been anyone since me. Then why is it that you need to put a final wrench in our relationship? Why does it matter to you to legally separate when we have been really separated since years?

Dev: "Theek hai. Toh karo baat. Divorce ke baare mein." He could feel anger and sadness bubbling away in him while a red anger seeped through his being. The desire to hurt her back and to save himself from heartbreak took over.

Sona: sweat breaking out on her forehead, stammering a bit "main actually baat toh yeh karne aayi thi par.."

Dev cut her off rudely- "Main toh aapko bahut pehle hi expect kar raha tha.. par Dr Bose aapne toh 5 saal laga diye. Kyun? Aap ne mujhe chhod ke jaane ka decision toh paanch minute mein le liya tha. Phir aapko itne saal kyun lag gaye apne divorce ke decision mein? Achha aisa hoga ki tumhare Baba ne kaha hoga ki beta ab divorce de do? Ohhh I can see it by your expressions, ki aisa hi hua tha. Toh tumhare Baba ko kaise yaad aa gayi ki unki beti ka bhi ek rishta hai? Bhale hi todne ke waqt hi tumko rishta yaad aaya, par tha toh woh pyar ka rishta. Ya usko bhi tumhare Baba ne define kar diya, ki meri perfect beti ko ek imperfect aadmi se pyar ho bhi kaise sakta hai?Toh woh pyar ka nahi zabardasti ka rishta tha. Kyun Dr Bose, maine kuch galat kaha?"

Sona: eyes flashing in anger " Aap aise nahi bol sakte Dev. Mere Baba ke baare mein aapko bolne ka koi haq nahi hai. "

Dev: " Kyun nahi bol sakta? Meri shaadi ko jisne bhi toda, uske baare mein bolne ka mujhe pura pura haq hai, phir chahe woh tumhare gharwale ho ya mere."