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Jesus, today was full of events.
What a Monday.
In 5th hour my phone started blowing up with texts about Alice supposedly cheating on me with Rose.
I asked the teacher if I could 'Silence' my phone.
She agreed.
What I really did was respond to all the messages.
It seemed that 1/3 people that blew up my phone actually took Alice's side.
Jason didn't because a girl took a video of Rose and Alice by a wall talking.
That's no proof.
Alice has a face that she makes when she sees someone she loves in an intimate way.
When I watched that video, Alice was talking to Rose with a worried look on her face.
Alice has a lot of problems, and Rose is a friend.
Also, Haley was right by them.
I trust Alice, Rose, and Haley.
Even though I don't know Rose very well, I trust all three of them to tell me if something was wrong.
I just hope I'm not wrong.
I love Alice.
Later today, I was looking into Transgender options.
Top surgery, Binding, bottom surgery, what sex would be like (stop judging me), and how everything would be placed.
I was also considering telling my Mom that I might have gender dysphoria. I'm chicken though.
I do want to have her take me to a doctor and find out for sure if I have dysphoria.
For binding, because I haven't come out yet, I don't have a real binder, so I was looking for ways to bind without one.
No real luck besides the sports bra method I've been using.
I've been stuffing/packing here and there too (stuffing/Packing: Putting socks in your underwear to resemble male bulge).
I only wanted to know what it would look like, how it would feel, and really, if it felt right.
I'm not sure if it does or doesn't.
I want to wait to do bottom surgery until doctors/scientists figure out a more efficient way to do it.
There are a lot of risks.
I'd also need a hysterectomy (removal of Uterus).
For top surgery, I don't want scarring, so I was looking into Peri-Areolar surgery or Key hole surgery.
It's just around the nipple area instead of a double incision, which is most common. Peri-Areolar and Keyhole surgery's are for people with smaller breasts. And because I'm not fully developed, I might be able to get away with keyhole and if not, Peri. Hopefully.
I should probably do some Testosterone and hormone blocker research. I'll do it tomorrow, I'll update about it.
I wish we could just be born into the correct body for sure. No questioning. No expense.
Night~
