Secret Feelings// On Hold

Michigan

Trigger Warning

I stared down at the toilet bowl and ran my hands over my lips. Before turning away from the bathroom stall. I wasn't going to do this in the school bathroom. I wasn't going to do this again, period. The last time was the last time.

I had never wanted to turn to throwing up. I was doing a two day fast last week and I was doing so well with just water and crackers. Yes, I was hungry as hell but I was really stinking good at not eating anything. Then I came home from practice and mom had dinner on the table. I had made up every excuse in the book to get out of it but she had basically forced me to eat. Every minute I had sad down with the food in my stomach was a minute I had dreaded. Finally, she got up to clear the table and I sprinted to the bathroom.

Disgust was nowhere near what I had felt after the entire thing happened and I had vowed to never do it again. I'll just have to be better at making excuses to avoid dinner.

The bathroom stall opened and Maddie walked in and she looked at me in confusion.

"Did you fall in?" She asked and I rolled my eyes at her before washing my hands.

"Anyways, Merida is throwing a fit and is asking for the entire cheer squad to meet her in the small gym before lunch is over." She told me before walking to the sink and checking her reflection. She ran her hands through her hair and smiled at herself and I turned off the faucet and walked away from the mirrors to dry my hands.

Maddie has the ability to look in the mirror and just smile at what stares back at her. Because there's nothing bad staring back at her. She's the perfect blonde I'm striving for.

"Do you know what for?" I asked.

"Probably the whole drama with Amber."  She turned to face me and I nodded. Grabbing my bag from the

[•]

"Kate?" Dad knocked on my door and I replied for him to come in.

"What are you up to?" He asked and I pressed pause on the episode of Gossip Girl I was on.

"Netflix," I shrugged and he nudged his head towards the door.

"Wanna go get ice cream and go to the dog park with me? Last chance before returning to school on Tuesday."

Ice cream sounded delicious. But I knew better.

"I'm dieting remember?" I asked and he let out an exaggerated sigh.

"Okay, frozen yogurt,"

"They're not really that different, calories are calories." I smiled at him but I got up from bed anyways.

"When did you become obsessed with healthy eating? You use to eat like it was nobody's business." He frowned and I avoided eye contact.

"I don't want to do that anymore. I want a healthy and beautiful body." I muttered as I slipped on my shoes.

"Kate, you are the most beautiful woman in the world." He said and I gave him a small smile.