Tears and Sorrows💙

the life story

This is the story of my life it's sad but true I've never had the chance to just be my self without having the consequences behind my actions and there not terrible things like some random badass teenager I'm actually a really smart and somewhat recent person I'm not great but I'm not some disrespectful kid I happen to love my family very much but ever since my dad got picked up for defending himself against some wanna be thug ass nigga yet he ends up locked up with no sentence I don't get how you can just locked someone away in the maximum security prison with other criminals who have probably done way worst things and could hurt you ten times worst then what he did to someone else out of self defense I personally think it's out of discrimination but I can't say for sure not I have nothing against any race I don't mind and in fact I learn different things about different cultures so I can see things from everyone's perspective yet I still don't see why they discriminate it doesn't add up to me things just started going down hill I sit in trees a lot more now to calm my nerves and think and I just dont understand my purpose I life anymore it amazes me how your life can change so much within just 2 seconds I could've been there but I wasn't I should have been there but I wasn't and it all the my fault I should have just stayed but I was so selfish that it's my fault he's dead it's my fault my dad is in jail I'm all to blame for it I hide behind a smile and pretend to be happy I vent to my dad whenever I can talk to him I talk to him every chance I get because he was my best friend in the family he was my go to person but now I'm all alone in this stupid and oh so very dark world and no one can an change my perspective I've seen it all and I hide and forever it a pretend to be some happy bitch that everyone can walk over but I'm soft on the inside and im honestly the softest that a person can an get I have been abused and never told anyone I'm good at hiding and it sucks that I can't let it out I'm the shoulder that everyone leans on and goes to to let out all there problems but don't worry I'll be out of everyone's life pretty soon I'm done with life it's just my time to die but goodbye and thanks for listening your the only one I can count on the love I have for someone is so great that it just destroys me on the inside and I can't do anything to stop it.....it all comes back to me and I get the pain, the sorrow, the guilt the love that I crave I can't have it and it's just not meant for me i guess I've done everything to please you but I fail its just my fate I guess I just wasn't meant to be happy I've tried so hard to just stay quiet I'm tried to bite my tongue I've tried to live without showing a single sign of disrespect but when I do it all just takes my kindness for weakness and just takes over and swallows me whole and I don't understand why I was never meant to be happy it's just not for me I am to die alone in the dark and rot in hell forever for all my wrongs that I've tried to right I'm just done and im ready to give up I just don't know what to do anymore I don't wanna leave my family with the burden if dealing with me after I die but I'm just so tempted to cut and just let go of all my problems I'm ready to go I have nothing to live for everyone's life will be better off without me and I'm done with everything everyone is better off without me the only light in my life is my boyfriend and even sometimes he can't deal with me and my insecurities because I question his love for me so much to the point where in my mind I just feel like I'm just a bet that he made with his friends that he could have me if he wants me and I feel like a toy but ik he does love me and I do know that he really truly cares no matter what I think the way things are going I'll be leaving pretty soon I'll be miserable forever and I'll never experience what real life is like fuck everything he'll use and abuse me it will never end it's never gonna stop it will never end I'm so sick of hoping and waiting for someone to understand the pain and to just hear me out but I know better no one will care I'm and irrelevant piece of shit I'm just a waste or space it's just my time to go