Tears and Sorrows💙

.......people

I don't know why but things are getting worst I lose my boyfriend and it's all my fault I should've just kept my grades up but I just want to adjust to the move and transition life is just a mess and it's none fault but my own im just gonna have to do better and fi d another way to cope and vent bc instant isn't an option anymore everything is just slowly being taken away and it all has to be earned back.  It's gonna take a long time and I u der stand why but I don't understand why this huge deal happened bc my grades slipped and my mind wasn't on school bc of a boy I get that  but why did my insta my venting space,  my free realm,  my relaxer it all was taken bc I couldn't manage my grades. It okay though I  guess everything is done for a reason, right? I wonder why it's so wrong to be curious, find answers, rely on those answers and then just have to let it all go. Once you figure out the answer, I guess it's just a way of life, and everybody has to go through it at some point lunch, just so happens to be right now, maybe it'll get better, hopefully it does hopefully I'm able to get everything back when I'm, back on track. I may be I'll probably be dead by then. Then in that case, I wish everyone the best of life. I'm sorry mother for the disappointment I've given you I'll try my best to make it all up ik I can't go back and fix it all but I'll do my best to make guys all proud from now on.  I finally get it it's not about what I want its about what I'm told to do and now I'll do my best and I will stay in line and stay on the path created for me. Till I die and it won't be long I just have to find a way to get out of other people's sight so j can do it with out someone trying to stop me.  I wonder if Im meant to be in a mental Institute, I'm not insane or crazy, as I thought it, I just don't feel life anymore. I just don't get it, what's the point of it, its like, you breathe, eat and do everything you're not supposed to only a die in the end, so what was the worth of it all? Sure to thrill at some point but all happiness comes to an end at some point, so why not end it? Now, there's nothing left for me here. Anyway. If there is there's no point of it, it's not going to do me any good. It's whatever for now, I guess. Down the days till, I finally get the chance to just do it no hinderance needed. Well, I guess that's it for now. But will they make me delete this too?, good, maybe I can spend some more time with my friend, the Razer. I'm pretty sure he'll enjoy my company he will love seeing my tears and the red substance that I take from my body as well. Im just a waste of space , all I do is disappoint my godmother makes sense, though I really should try talking to them. I don't think it's something they would want to hear about. I just want someone to relate to my own age and apparently I can't because it's hurting the others around me. I don't ever want to do that all I am is a disappointment. And I'm sorry for that, it sucks, did I'm trying change, it's not working, it's always gonna be do better. I try so hard to do better, only to get up there full down, and it would be done all over again, and it just never changes. There's nothing left to be said, my mind is made up, trying my best to succeed until it's time for me to go.