Memories (Jadesy)

Chapter 4

"Wh-what do you mean? It's me. Jesy" I said feeling panic rising in my chest. Jade shook her head sadly. "If it helps, I haven't recognised anybody coming to visit me. I just don't know" She said looking down. I ran out of the room. If I had felt sad and terrible before, this was much worse. Norma Thirlwall looked at me sorrowingly. "I'm sorry Jesy. When she woke up she didn't even remember her last name"She said patting my back. "How?" Was all I could say. "I spoke to the doctors. In the accident she had a really bad concussion. They managed to save her life, but not her memory. Only the emotional information went lost. That means she still knows how to read or ride a bike et cetera, but she doesn't remember anything" She continued. "Not even... You?" I dared to ask. A tear escaped Norma's eye. "No, not even me" she sighed. "There's still a little bit of hope. During further stages of her recovery she might start to remember things again. And we can help her by telling her things from the past. But if she doesn't remember in three weeks... Then it's not gonna happen" She said. She looked depressed. "Mrs Thirlwall I'm so sorry" I said. And I meant it. "It's not your fault darling" She said in a friendly but sad tone.  "I will help you" I said after a while" Norma looked up suprised. "You will?" she asked. I nodded. "I promise"  And I would stick to my promise. "The day Jade was discharged from the hospital I came by as soon as possible. Perrie had come with me, she was just as desperate to see Jade as I was. "Do you reckon she'll recognise us?" Perrie whispered as we stood in front of her house."I don't think so, even do I want to believe she will" I sighed. We were let in by Jade's older brother Karl. We saw her sit in the living room.  She looked so... normal again.  Her hair was brushed, she wore normal clothes. She even had a bow in her hair. For a brief moment I even forgot anything happenend, that it was just a regular visit again. Untill she spoke, with that same old familiar voice, but the words she spoke were different. "Hi, you were...Jesy. Right?" She asked in a way too optimistic tone. Dissapointment hit me in the face. I could've known, but I just really wanted her to be back to normal. Jade's face fell as she started getting nervous. "I'm sorry, d-did I get it wrong? I..."She started apologising. Luckily Perrie got my back. She faked a smile and took the word. "Don't worry darling, you got it right, I'm Perrie" She said reaching out her hand. "Oh yeah, you came by in the hospital too"Jade said relieved shaking Perrie's hand. I forced myself to smile as well.  "Yes, sooooo we brought a bunch of pictures from stuff we've done together before. Would you like to see them?" I asked. "Sure" Jade chirped as we sat down. "Hey that's me!" she ssaid eagerly pointing at herself in one of the pictures. "And that's you Jesy, and here's Perrie and... who's that again?" She asked pointing at Leigh-Anne. "That's Leigh, she's another one of your friends" Perrie calmly explained. It hurt having to tell her everything over again.  But we kept on doing it. Sometimes Leigh-Anne joined us, but mostly it was just the two of us visting Jade trying to remind her of her past. After two weeks Perrie had given up, convinced that Jade was gone for good. But I kept going, even though it was too late according to the doctors. I don't know what kept me going, somehow I kept on finding new strength to try it again. I guess I was desperate to make her remember. Sometimes I caught Norma looking at me with a sad face, even she had surrendered. I was pretty sure everyone thought I was slowly losing my mind too. But I refused to give up, and I stubbornly came back, every single day, with new stories of things we did together as kids, with new pictures from trips and picknicks. Even music we used to sing along to on the radio. Untill one day, that she finally broke my spirit. "Hi Jade" I said as I came in. "Hey Jesy"  Jade said happily as she let me in. "Look what I brought"I said as I held up a DVD box. "It's the Lion King. We can watch it together." I said. "Actually, I think I'll pass"Jade said dismissingly. "What do you mean" I asked carefully. "I'm just not that into Disney movies, they're predictable."She shrugged. She did it. She finally broke me. The realisation dawned on me that she wasn't going to come back. I had officially lost Jade. "You know what, I'm done" I spat harshly and ran away. I stormed trough my house into my room and slammed the door shut. I threw myself on my bed and started crying my eyes out.  I sobbed uncontrllably  as I let all of the emotions in. All of the dissapointment, all of the sadness, the anger,guilt and frustration that I had cropped up for almost a month broke out and waves of emotions rolled over me like a tsunami, drowning me one by one. "Jesy, are you okay honey?" My mum came in worried. "Go away" I said with my voice muffled in a pillow. "Jesy what happened?" she asked. "I realised Jade is gone" I said cynically. "Jesy , you did what you could, thanks to you she isn't dead..." My mum started. "Well I'm starting to think it would be better if she was "I snapped. My mum gasped, clearly shocked with what I just said. "Jessica! Jade is your best friend-" "No!" I cut her off. "My best friend is Jade Thirlwall, a girl who's crazy about bows, biscuits and Disney, a girl who can make me laugh no matter the situation, a girl who's had a pet beetle because her parents didn't allow her a real pet, a girl who is crazy but in a good way! That girl out there may have her body, but that is not Jade!" I screamed. "I'm sorry Jesy, I know it's hard for you, but-" "No, you don't know, you don't know anything! Ever since this whole thing happened you've been acting like you know all about it but you don't! You can't possibly imagine what it does to me! Get out!" I screamed with tears streaming down my face. My mum opened her mouth to say something, but then wisely left and closed the door. I cried and cried and the pain kept dragging me lower and lower. I noticed a frame on my noghtstand. I took it in my hands. It was a picture of me and Jade that time we went to France together. We looked so insanely happy. It was unfair, she just left and took all of that happiness from me. In a moment of pure anger in threw the frame across the room with all of my force. It hit the wall with a loud bang and the glass broke. Regret filled my chest as I scooted over to the frame.I took out the picture, not caring about the glass shards cutting my hands, and I held it close to my chest. After an excruciatingly long time, the crying finally stopped, and so did the pain. I felt empty inside, but it felt even worse than the sadness. I even longed to cry again just to feel something again, but I was completely empty inside, emotionless. The silence weighed heavy, crushing me. Is this what dying feels like? I thought. My mum came in. I turned away from her. She sat down on my bed, putting her hand on my shoulder. "Jesy, I'm sorry that it didn't work." She whispered, and I knew she meant it. "She doesn't like Disney movies anymore mum" I said, tearing up again at the feeling of my mothers touch. My mother didn't answer. She just pulled me in a hug, Expressing her love for me without words. A tiny spark of comfort came back from the warmth of my mothers embrace. I felt calmer again, the raging storm in my head that had been torturing me for weeks finally came to a rest. I guess I just had to accept that Jade was gone, and that i couldn't have saved her.

Author's note
Pfffffff this was a sad chapter. Hopefully the next one will be happier. See you soon!