Forgetting Mark Tuan [Got7 Fanfiction] Book II: Inlove with Mark Tuan

Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

Lauren

I pouted when Jackson didnt reply in any of my text messages. Is he busy or what? He's never like this with me before.

I shook my head trying to erase all the things that's been running on my mind. Jackson is not reply and here I am thinking that he already has someone.

We are inside the conference room trying to fix some details about the upcoming concert. It was two days before Cynthia Eonnie's birthday that's why the concert is really special.

We're just discussing the flow of the concert and the amount of time that we have to do practicing. I have no problem with that because we really do have to practice because we cant let our fans down.

"Excuse me..." Cynthia Eonnie said and walked out from the room.

We looked at each other then glanced at the staff who's listing down our request.

"Can we sing Spring Day for our encore?" I asked.

JYP PD-nim put his hands on his chin and his forehead creased. It was obvious that e doesnt like the idea that we will sing other group's song for our encore.

"Why?" He asked raising his brows.

"A gift for Cynthia Eonnie. She wants it, please." Reene Eonnie said.

It was unusual for Reene Eonnie to ask a request that's why JYP PD-nim finds it hard to reject her.

All of us clapped when he sighed in defeat and cant do anything but to nod his head in agreement. That will be great! I smiled because I am too excited. I just hope that Eonnie will be happy.

After the meeting all of us went back to our own business. Cynthia Eonnie didnt leave the conference room because the manager said that they have to talk to her that's why we went out first.

I decided to just go to the rooftop. I sighed as I took my final step and looked at view from here. It's not that good because all I can see is houses and some resto's but I still like it here especially with the wind hitting my face.

Everything seems like a dream to me.

I am a fangirl. I am an Ahgase and my bias is the L.A gangster Mark Tuan. My main ship is 2jae but my heart also goes for MarkSon. I am a fangirl who will choose saving money for an album than to eat a proper food. Yep, that's me.

After that.

I sighed and smiled as I tried to remember what comes after being a fangirl.

I am Trance's Lauren. Everyone's eyes are on us. I became a part of a girlgroup full of talented and beautiful girls. We had our ups and downs together. They love me and I love all of them too.

I became a girl that I didnt know. I didnt recognize myself when im with him. Maybe because that's what I am born for. To be crazily inlove with someone like Mark Tuan.

To be a fool for a man who cant even see me because he's too busy chasing the woman that she desires.

I've gone through a lot. A lot but all of that is just because of him. He's my source of happiness and strength but also the roots of my misery, tears and sadness.

I'd be lying if I say that Mark didnt really love me. It was a short period of time but I know that what he showed to me was genuine. He did love me but it's not enough for him to stay with me.

I bit my lower lip when I felt a tear run down in my eyes. My heart ached a bit because of thinking too much.

"Why are you crying over him again?" I whispered all to myself.

I shut my eyes closed and clenched my fist trying to stop all the pain from coming back because I am afraid that the feelings that I have for him is still here. I am afraid that it's still lingering inside this little thing in my chest.

I wonder what will happen to us if we didnt break up. Will he still love me the same? Will we be okay or will he break up with me because he'll realized that he doesnt love me like that?

Those thoughts are killing me. The what ifs are bugging me right at this moment trying to analyze some thing that has happened and what could have beens.

Im stupid. I am craving for Jackson's presence just awhile ago and now here I am thinking about the failed relationship that I have with Mark.

"Maybe because I am not good enough." I said.

I wiped my tears once again. Now, the bitterness is eating all of me once again and it feels so horrible to feel that kind of feeling again. I thought you were gone? Why are you pestering me again?

This is what I want. This is what I told him to do. I constantly told him to fix things up with Cynthia Eonnie and when he did, I am here very dissapointed.

I bit my lower lip trying to stop myself from thinking about him. That's not nice and coming her is not a nice idea because it makes me think about all the things that we've done together.

I covered my face with both of my palms trying to calm myself. I fixed my hair and looked at my reflection using my phone just to make sure that my eyes are not swollen.

While I was walking in the hallway. My heart beats faster and my hands started to shake a little because of Jackson walking towards me. Not because of his mere presence bur because of the thoughts that I have just awhile ago.

"Lauren..."

He tried to hold my arms but I put it inside my pocket and smiled at her as if I didnt know what he's trying to do.

He shrugged it off but I saw how he smiled looking so dissapointed because of what I've done. It just doesnt feel right to be with him today.

Maybe because it's the guilt talking to me. Who am I to be with someone as good as Jackson while I am thinking about my past lover?

"Are you okay, Lauren?" He asked worriedly.

I nod my head and looked away because I dont feel like smiling. I cant even bring myself to talk to him right now.

Where's the contentment and happiness that I felt days ago when im with Jackson? Why is it short-lived and my love for Mark just can die down?

If only I can choose who to love. If only I have the chance to pour my feelings to someone that can love me just the way I love him. If only loving someone who doesnt loves you back doesnt hurt but no... pain in love is inevitable. There's no escape when it comes to broken hearts and tearing eyes.

I admire Cynthia Eonnie. I admire her but as I've said, I dont want to be like her. I dont want to prioritize someone before myself not because I am selfish but because I want to know my self-worth. I want to value myself first before giving myself to others, before loving them.

"Im excited for your concert." Jackson excitedly said.

I looked at him and just shrugged my shoulders not really sure how to respond with that.

Maybe this day is not my day. Maybe I am just having a change of mood. It will change later or tomorrow. I cant let Jackson down. I should try my best to finally forget.