Farewell : Until We Meet Again

6/ first days.

This weekend flew by way too quickly for my liking. I was spending most of the time in my room, curled up in my bed, dreading the first day of school. I was feeling tired but couldn't get any sleep whatsoever. Headaches tormented me and my body felt drained and weak.

But I must say that I was a bit productive too. In fact I fought my way out of my sheets to unbox my clothes and transported them into my 'wardrobe'. Technically it wasn't really a wardrobe since the room for my clothes was actually almost as big as my former bedroom itself. I found the room so useless 'cause the amount of clothing in my possession was not even nearly doing its job of filling it up. How a pathetic and worthless human being like me, achieved to have a room this big in a mansion this big, was out of my mind.

I took care of my books after and tried to bring back in some kind of order. The messy self I am defines that with piling the books that didn't fit in the book shelf in different places in my room. That attempt resulted in many Leaning Towers of Pisa, threatening to collapse any second. During that process however my toes were the real suckers because they had to endure book after book landing on them.

Yesterday Sofía actually came into my room and had asked me, if I wanted to go to the mall with her and her friend. My first reaction was surprise and even...excitement when I heard that question but I soon noticed how weird vibes radiated off of her. Her voice seemed slightly strained and her smile definitely not as sincere as it should have been if she really had wanted me to come. That's when I politely declined, giving her a fake smile and fed her with a made-up excuse. I'd asked myself if she saw through my lie but she didn't question it and left the room instantly. The moment I was alone again my smile vanished and bitterness welled up in my chest.

I kind of had the gut feeling that somebody ordered her to ask me if I wanted to tag along. Therefore she didn't actually act out of her own free will. But the hope that my trust issues were getting the better of me prevailed, which caused me to stir from the spot I was glued on the bed, aiming quietly for the door handle. There were faint footsteps, probably from Sofía, going down the stairs. I walked down the hallway and stopped when I heard words coming from downstairs.

"She said no. I told you she wouldn't want to come, mamá!"

The voice was hushed and something in Spanish followed which I didn't quite get. But that didn't matter anyway. Because Sofía's true intentions were enough. And they surprisingly hurt like a bitch.

I walked back to my room that day, feeling heavily deflated and miserable. My assumption turned out to be true. Just like it always does. The fact that I am very good at reading most people never lets me persevere long in a state of cluelessness. If I am honest, I would have liked it better to have not found out about Luciana's pity that made her stoop so low. This just proved to me like the countless times before how cruel human beings are. Every time I put a tiny bit of faith in them and try -I really, really do -to socialize with others, of course they have to twist my heart and rip it out to throw it away with just a blink of an eye. Because that's the only place worthless thrash like me belongs.

I didn't leave my room since that incident. I didn't show up to dinner too ashamed. Nico was the only one, who had knocked on my door to ask if I was hungry. That action really touched my heart because I wasn't expecting it. I didn't expect someone to care.

I told him I wasn't hungry which wasn't even a lie. I lost my appetite weeks ago. But the nurses in the hospital controlled my eating pattern just like everything else. The day we arrived I didn't show up at any of the meals either. I was emotionally too exhausted. I didn't remember the last thing I ate. But I for some reason didn't care.