Beautiful Sin |Narry|

1

Harry
From where I'm sitting on the stage, while Pastor William reviews over the Old Testament, I can see Mr. Horan seated in the crowd with a unfamiliar face, a boy, which I'm assuming is his son, sitting right next to him.

He doesn't want to be here, you could tell right off the bat. His position on the chair is slumped, his face holds betrayal, his arms crossed above his chest just scream, I was forced to come here.

I remember being like him, dreading to come to church. I wouldn't even want to be at close proximity to one, but as always I was forced to come by my mom. I know the pain of not being understood.

"In our church we believe in miracles! We believe that if we pray and receive God's presence you can get cured of cancer! Of any sickness that is not from God! Believe that our fleshly desires will not get the best of us! We believe that Satan cannot win over us!" Pastor William preaches, receiving yells of agreement from the crowd, but Mr. Horan's sons' face stays the same, uninterested.

"One of our own pastors is a miracle. Fighting against the spirit of homosexuality from the age of 15 to 19, Pastor Harry struggled and struggled, but now that struggle has worn off as he is now in God's path, teaching others of our saviors glory." My face flushes red as he tells half of my testimony to the church. My testimony is always used as an example, but can it be even more of a coincidence that he used me as an example when he is actually present?

"Pastor Harry, would you like to come and share a bit of your experience?" I look at William and smile while standing and walking over to him. I honestly don't want to share right now. Mr. Horan's son is going to think this is a homophobic church.

Grabbing the mic from William's hand, I greet the crowd receiving some replies. "Before I start, I want to say that this is not a homophobic church. Here at Glory Church, we accept everyone as they are and try to lead them down the right path." I say into the microphone, looking towards Mr. Horan's sons' way, somewhat apologizing.

His face now holds a mixture of confusion and realization. I gulp, intimidated by his cold stare. "I had always known that I was gay from the age of ten, but I never fully admitted it to myself until I was fifteen. I had my first boyfriend and I was in love. I hated church, never wanted to be close to one because deep down I knew that my attraction to men was a sin. I was always forced to come to church by my mom, but I would always end up leaving home before we had to go or I just wouldn't go. Until I was eighteen, I finally listened to my mom and came to church for a full service. A service that I will never forget. I realized then and there that I was living a lie. I was lying to myself about being gay, but half of me really didn't want to believe that because I had a boyfriend and I loved him, more than I ever loved anyone. I began to come to church continuously, but I would still see my boyfriend on the side. I talked about this with Ernie, you all know him as Pastor Enrique, and he helped and talked to me. He made me understand why I was doing this to myself. He told me I had to break things with Shawn, my boyfriend at the time. At first I didn't want to because I loved him, how could I have let go of someone I loved?" I dramatically ask the crowd and they murmur soft agreements. This topic makes everyone feel uncomfortable, literally.

I look over at Mr. Horan's son to see him softly arguing with Mr. Horan and I know it's my fault. "But, eventually it had to be done, I broke up with him and immediately I moved into the Church's training center, Glories Housing, and began my path to being a pastor."  I rush to the end of my testimony not wanting to extend it any longer. I already caused too much trouble.

Claps and cheers echo throughout the room as I make my way back to my seat. I look up once I've sat down and the seat right next to Mr. Horan is empty, guilt immediately spreads throughout me. I caused him to leave. I shouldn't have agreed to tell my testimony. Being gay is already hard enough and it's even harder being in a church where a pastor is talking about how he was gay and now isn't, geez, I would of left as well.

As William continues to preach, I stand up quietly exiting the service room making my way to the restroom. I run a hand over my face.

If that would have been me, I would have never spoken to my father again, but then again I feel bad because that was me, I was that gay boy that his mom did not understand, but now I'm that pastor that makes that gay boy feel bad about himself.

I push the door to the restroom open and sigh. I walk in front of the mirror and look at myself, who have I become? A hypocrite. I shake my head, no I'm a child of God. That's what I've become.

I hear the door of the restroom open and quickly I pretend to wash my hands. "Oh, it's the 'I was gay now I'm not pastor'." I look up and through the mirror and I can see Mr. Horan's son leaning on the wall behind me.

I close the faucet and rub my wet hands on my jeans. "It's Pastor Harry, or just Harry." I correct him, turning around as I lean against the sink.

He smirks at me and raises one of his brows, "Pastor Harry or just Harry." He repeats and I nod gently, "Well Pastor Harry, wanna know what really pissed me off from your 'testimony'." He grits out, putting air quotes around the word testimony.

"Enlighten me." I smile at him and he looks taken back, but he gains control of himself quickly. He looks flustered, hurt. His face is red and his brunette hair is messy as if he were pulling at it. His bright blue eyes are bloodshot and watery, it sends a sting right to my heart. He's cute. Internally I freeze, shocked, what? No, Jesus please forgive me for having such thoughts.

"How can you say that you were gay?" I cock my head to the side, "Because I was." I simply reply and that angers him.

"I don't think you really were gay, I think you're a liar. How can you just one day not be gay? Can you tell me your secret because if you have one please share." He hardly yells as tears well in his eyes, he's hurt.

"God, god is my secret." I whisper, not having the confidence I had minutes ago, the aroma in this restroom just took a 360 turn.

I hear him sniffle and I make eye contact with him just as a tear slips out of his eye, "Bullshit." And with that he leaves me standing in the restroom by myself with an aching heart.

I turn around and turn on the faucet, wetting my face with my hands. What am I going to do now? How can I help Mr. Horan when his son already hates me?

A/N- This is the first chapter of my new story, "Beautiful Sin." I hope it was good, I tried and I really love the idea of the route I have in store for this book. If you liked this chapter please feel free to share your thoughts with me in the comments below and don't forget to give it a vote! 

-Des
Published/ 03. 08. 18