Beautiful Sin |Narry|

15

Harry
"Stop acting like an ass. It's not going to help the situation." Is the first thing Jack tells me when he walks his way into the living room. I give him a confused look before standing from the couch.

"What? What do you think the situation is? What did Niall tell you?" Jack doesn't look as mad as he was before, but that doesn't mean he's calmed down. He's still upset. He rolls his eyes at me. "Who's the girl you are going on a date with?" He ignores my questions, sitting on the couch opposite of me. I sigh and sit back down.

"Ernie set me up with this girl named Sarah without my knowing." I sign and Jack looks at me with no emotion on his face. He knows so much on how Ernie always tries to set me up on dates that he doesn't even look surprised. I don't explain myself further because I know Jack understands. He always figures things out without me knowing.

"You and N-I-A-L-L kissed, huh?" My eyes go wide and I look around quickly to see if Niall's around and good thing he's not. This is what I mean, he always finds out.

"What? Did Niall tell you that?" I panic and again Jack rolls his eyes at me. "Do you think  I'm really that stupid? The way you acted when he came into the kitchen, I could just tell, you froze, you were being weird. Then, Niall freaks out when you said you wanted to go on the date. Who wouldn't figure out that something happened between you two? I knew something happened. I didn't know if it was a kiss or not, but you just confirmed that." He smirks at me and it's my turn to roll my eyes, here he goes. I run a hand over my face. I don't know what to say to even explain myself. I can't tell him that I regretted the kiss because I didn't, but if I tell him I liked it, I don't know. I don't want to mess with his head.

"Harry, I get that you're confused and that you're having a mental battle with yourself, but you don't have to go through it alone. I'm your brother, I love you and I'd do anything to help you. You may think I won't know what you're struggling with, but I do. Well, I think I do. Either way, you're not alone. No one is ever truly alone. Let me help you." He tells me sympathetically and I bow my head, shaking it. I don't want anyone's help. I don't want to bring people into my crazy world. I rather struggle with my problems then have others struggle with them. It's not even their problems to struggle with in the first place.

"Thank you Jack, but it's okay. I rather deal with this alone." I look up at him and he shakes his head. I know deep down he wants to argue with me and get it in my head that I don't have to do this alone, but I just need space. I love my brother, but I don't want his help right now. I don't want anyone's help.

He frowns at me after a minute and stands up, "I have to get going 'cause Cole is going to need his car back soon. But, I told Niall about our past, mostly yours." He signs and shrugs as my eyes go wide.

"What? Why did you do that? I could have done it myself when I was ready!" I don't sign, but instead I yell out of frustration. Why did he have to go and do that? That was something I was suppose to do for myself for when I was ready and I'm no where near ready. Jack shakes his head, "No you wouldn't have Harry. You act like I haven't known you all my life. I have and I know you would stray away from having that type of conversation with him for as long as you could. I'm leaving, I don't want to argue with you. Call me when you're okay." He finishes, walking his way towards the door, opening and slamming it as he exits.

I let a groan escape my throat as I walk towards the stairs. I have to talk to him sooner or later.  Even if he doesn't want to talk to me, I have to, I want to. I need this, I haven't heard his voice in two days and the only time I heard it was when he yelled at me. That makes me feel like complete shit.

I was always ashamed, I still am, of my feelings towards men, but I finally let myself be vulnerable and slip under the touch of another boy after four years and now that same boy is making me feel lost, alone, and embarrassed. I yearn for him, but all he does is distance himself from me. I want him to hug me, to kiss me, to talk to me, to just be with me. But, he won't do that and it's hurting me and I know I'm hurting him too, but can we just have a break? Can we just take a pause and forget what's happening on the outside world and just worry about what's going on in our hearts? Is that too much to ask?

"Niall? Can I come in?" I ask in a soft whisper as I gently knock on his door. I wait in the hallway, but there's no answer. "Niall?" I ask again, but this time I push the door open to find Niall sitting on his bed, looking down at his lap. He was ignoring me.

His head snaps up as the door creaks, his cheeks are wet, his eyes are red.  I frown at him and Niall roughly wipes his eyes as he takes in a deep breath of air. "I'm trying so hard to not be mad at you,-" He whispers, his voice is raspy, dry, you can just hear the hurt, "-I really am, but I can't. I know what you went through and I don't ever want to put you through that again, but what about me?"

"Nia-" "Let me finish." He cuts me off as he stands up from his bed, walking closer to me.

"What about me, Harry? What about my feelings and what I'm going through? I'm not going to be here forever. I don't want to be dramatic, but I'm not. You make me so mad. You make me want to yell and just leave you alone to figure this all out on your own, but I'm not that kind of person. I acknowledge how my actions may affect you, but all I get in return is you denying me and going on a date with some girl you don't even know! That's what I get, a fucking slap in the face." Tears fall down his face and he's now so close that I can see the other round of tears welling in his eyes.  I reach my arms out to his face, gently petting the tears away with my thumb.. Niall looks so defeated.  He leans his face into the palm of my hand as he looks up at me, his chin begins to shake and he covers his eyes with his hand, his body shaking.

"Niall." I frown and pull him into my chest as he sobs into it. His body continues to shake. I rub his back, but it doesn't seem to calm him down. This is really hurting him. I didn't think it was hurting him so bad. He can barely keep his composure. He's a mess and I've caused this. I've made him feel this way and I don't know if I'd ever be able to forgive myself.

"Don't g-go on the date." He pushes me away, breathing heavily. "That's all I'm asking."

I croak my head to the side, my chest tightening. He's asking me for something that I don't know if I can do. Yes, I don't want to go on the date, but how can I get out of it? It's probably easier then what I'm making it out to be, but I really dont know. All I do know in this moment is that I don't ever want to see Niall like this. It makes me feel so disgusted in myself.

"I'll cancel it." I rush out without thinking, but I don't regret it. If not going on the date makes Niall happy, I'm going to cancel it.

My rushed words make Niall sob even more as he walks quickly to me embracing me. He sobs into my neck, giving it a small peck, "Thank you so much."

Goosebumps spread all over my skin at the feeling of his lips on me. I pull away slightly, Niall's arms are still wrapped around my neck as I look into his eyes. "Niall, I'm going to try to keep you happy.  I don't ever want to hurt you, but please try to understand that there are things that I'm still trying to figure out. Right now, I'm going to cancel this date, but maybe there'll be something in the future that you won't like, but if that happens I need you to promise not to ignore me. You're the only one, besides my brother, who truly understands me. I can't lose you." I whisper, my lips so close to his, I look into his eyes and there are still tears present.

"Please." I whisper once more, tightening my embrace around his hips. Niall looks me in the eyes, then down to my lips, before pressing his lips firmly against mine. It's not a make out, instead it's a pure, blissful peck. It's the one thing I've been craving. His kiss makes me feel strong, something that I haven't felt in awhile and I don't ever want to stop feeling it.

"I promise."

A/N- I know this is not a long chapter, but I felt like I needed to post something for you guys. Narry is back, but for how long? This book is no where close to being done, so be prepared for a long journey. Was this chapter good? What are your predictions on to what is going to happen the next chapter? Let me know! Don't forget to vote and comment. I love you all! By the way, it's 12 am here in Los Angeles which means I technically see Harry live in a few hours! I'll tell you how it goes the next chapter! Till then.

-Des
Published// 06.13.18