Beautiful Sin |Narry|

16

A/N- Josh Lucas as Pastor Enrique Dock! He's meant to look old ya'll :)

Harry
"I cancelled it. It's done." I say tossing my phone onto the top of Niall's drawers. I want the phone as far away from me as possible. I don't want to see what Ernie has to say.

I look at Niall, who's laying on the bed, smiling at me. A smile so wide and pure that it makes my heart skip a beat. "I feel bad for that Sarah girl, but I'm so glad you aren't going. The thought of it was making me go insane."

I walk myself closer to the bed as I gently place myself next to Niall, not too close, but not too far away. Just enough to feel his body heat radiating next to me. "I know, it was making us both go insane." I confirm and look at Niall from the corner of my eye, smiling shyly.

"I'm a bit scared of what Ernie is going to say or think about me cancelling the date, but you being here makes it so much easier for me. I think if you weren't ever to come into my life, I would have gone on the date and forced myself to like her." I mumble my words, not proud of them. I can't believe I would dig myself into that deep of a hole just to please others.

"Well,-" Niall starts, scooting closer to me, leaning his head onto my shoulder, "I'm glad I'm able to stop you from making a mistake like that, but at the same time, Harry, you have to start listening to what's in here." He sighs, pointing to my heart before giving it a small pat.

I take in a deep breath of air and shake my head, slouching more into the bed instead of just sitting on it. Niall moves with me. Once I'm finally settled in a good laying position, Niall begins to cuddle himself on my chest while one of his arms wraps around my waist and the other stays in between our close bodies, I swear, my breathing stops.

"Relax. This is normal." Niall tries to comfort me as he begins to run his hand up and down my chest. I guess he sensed my reaction to our close position. I let out a weary breath, letting my body relax. This is normal, I just have to think that way.

"Yeah, I know?" I try to sound sure, but fail.

"I can't wait until this doesn't bother you anymore. Where I can just hug you and you won't get all weird and tense and just hug me back." Niall confesses into my chest and I look over at my hand that is spread across the bed, not daring to touch Niall.

I frown, "I'm sorry, I'm trying, but I just haven't done this in a while." I explain myself, feeling dumb. I can't even touch Niall without being weird and I want him to stay with me? What if he thinks I'm leading him on, just for my pleasures?

"I like you." I whisper as my hand finally makes it's way to Niall's back, softly holding it. "I really do and I don't want you thinking that I'm just playing with your feelings because I'm not. But, I just can't help my reactions to these type of interactions. Everything that I've tried so hard to get rid of, I mean, I really tried to get rid of all of my feelings and urges that led me towards men and I guess it's just made it harder to feel them again. I really wish I could just go back and be how I was, who I always been. But, it's not that easy. I'm trying, I really am. I just need you to understand that I may do things that may anger or frustrate you, but just remember I still like you, that I'm just trying to figure something out and maybe the outcome in that moment isn't a nice one. I would never try to purposely make you mad or anything. It's just hard." I confess, looking up at the ceiling, my heart beating like crazy. I'm not just confessing to Niall, but also to myself. I've never admitted to my wrong doings out loud and doing that now feels liberating. I've just opened a new door that should have been open much long ago.

I don't know why I've held back from doing so for so long. I guess I was, and still am ashamed of what I did. I don't know why I did it. I just knew that I wanted to get along with my mom. I wanted those relationships my friends had with their moms with mine, but even today, we still don't get along. I did it for nothing, my mom still hates me. I'm suffering for nothing. "I'm sorry." My voice croaks out as a tear slips out of the side of my eye. I didn't think I would cry over my mom again, but it still affects me. "Harry," Niall whispers as he brings the hand that was wrapped around my waist to my eye, wiping away at my stray tear. "It's okay, I understand. This is on me to, I have to be more understanding. I'm just used to having the boy I like not be afraid to cuddle or kiss me." His words hurt me more then they should. I'm different than all the other boys he's liked and I don't know if that's a good thing.