Prologue-
"where are we going... please tell me Alex sir" I asked trying to look strong
"it's surprise, you will definitely like it" Alex answer with his evil grin now I am really scared after looking his evil grin
"sir I don't want to come with you...
We are setting on the couch cuddling each other, I am setting on Alex's lap. We are in silent but comfortable one. I feel content. In TV animation movie is running but I know no one is watching. Both of us is our own thought.
I: Alex's I want to ask you something?
A: hmm..
I: When you started loving me?
A: When I first time show you when you come with Shanu maa in our house.
I: Wooww... from that time
A: Yes, from that time I became protective toward you. I wanted you all of you for me only. That's why I never let you befriended with anyone from our neighbour. But I couldn't stop you to make friends in school after Eli maa made me understand I can't be with you every time & you need another friend also to whom you can rely on for spending your school days happily. I didn't get when I become more and more possessive toward you. I really try to not interfere your life and distract myself. But whenever I got a glance at you and saw you sad or you called me for help I could not help but come running for you.
He sighed and tightened his hold on remembering something.
I: You remember? Had you said that time few months before of leaving Manali?
A: What?
I don't know what to say? What if he becomes angry after listening to it? I became nervous and start fidgeting my finger. Alex held my chin and arch his eyebrow indicating me to go on. I bit my lower lip to stop speaking. Alex released my lower lip from the torture of my teeth. But how can I give him the title of a saint who save my lower lip because the next moment he was chewing my lips but it felt so good? He left my lips, but his stare makes me blush.
A: Are you going to speak are can I continue my 'work'?
I: umm, wo..woo..
A: I am listening.
I: Al-Alex, you had said that time, you had been lusting me. But from when?
Alex stiffed after listening to it. I know, I ruined our moment. But surprising Alex exhaled and answered me.
A: When I hit my puberty and I lost my virginity with Sarah it only increased.
I do not what happened to me but after listening later part I became furious. I started crying and start hitting Alex's chest.
A: hey-hey, relax what happened? Shh..
I: You didn't love me, you just lusted me. Even now you don't love me. I hate you. I am not your first. You cheated me. I hate you. I want to go to my home. I hate you. Leave me, go to your Sarah...
I snapped & wiggled to release me from his hold, thankfully he loosen his hold & I rushed to our bedroom. I threw myself into bed and started crying. Alex came into the room and caressed my head.
A: You love me.
As soon as his word register in my head I stopped crying and turn to head in his direction. He is smiling and made me sit on the bed in Indian style and held my hand and I kept seeing him shockingly. Am I in love with him? I was seeing him like my answer would show on his face. He sighed and cupped my face.
A: Ok... I will ask you five questions and you will answer me honestly/
I nodded absentmindedly.
A: When you see me sweating with pain expression when I was having my nightmare, do you feel to take away my pain, heal my wound and protect me. And do you feel it is the worst scene for you seeing me in pain, in agony?
I nodded.
A: How you feel when I touch you? Do you crave for me like I do for you?
I nodded.
A: Do you care for me? Do you trust me to that extent when I will ask you to jump off a cliff then will you jump from there without giving a second thought?
I nodded.
A: Will you feel jealous when I will leave you in a party and will give more importance to my another lady client? Will you beat anyone if someone bad mouthed me?
I nodded again. Alex asked all these without hesitation, without breaking eye contact. He sighed and shook his head like asking himself whether he should ask it or not?
I: And fifth question?
A: After knowing our secret marriage when your family member accuse me of destroying your life or file a case against me saying I have manipulated you or forcefully married you, will yo-you le-leave me for them? Or will you stand for me?
I: Umm..wo..
I really don't know what will I do? Did Alex forcefully tie me in this relationship? Answer is YES. But did he destroy my life. Then Answer is NO. But whom I will choose if in future I have to choose from in these two? I know I have accepted Alex as my husband but can I high my voice against my family for Alex. But this is not for only for Alex now. I have to think about my baby also...
Alex's voice made me land on my thought land.
A: I got my answer, You don't need to take the stress. Relax and go to sleep. You don't love me. It's just pregnancy mood swing.
Alex made me lay on the bed and went out after switching off the light. I know he is hurt, it is shown all over his face. But do I really love him? I trust him more than anyone, I care for him a lot, I can't see him in pain even for a fraction of a second. I can't share him with anyone, I can't hear if anyone badmouth him. But is it love. I am very confused cause I have all these feeling a few years back also. If I am in love that means I was in love back that time also. Because I still remember I have cried day and night four month to go back my Alex. I had pleaded everyone to let me go cause I knew I have done wrong to leave him all along when he needed me the most. Even I tried to escape at night from my house but maa caught me. Maa handled me carefully and ensure me, she will herself go with me to meet Alex. When we went there, their house was locked and house and household item were destroyed. We came to know Alex had left Manali and no one had any clue where he had gone. We went back Katihar and for Eli maa and to make her dream true, I started working harder so that one day I would find out who was behind our destruction. Who was the reason for the downfall of not only one family but many? I know Alex has still not found out about that b@stard because he still murmurs like 'stop stop' in his dream.
With all these thought running in my mind I slept off.
