sympathy ~ e.d.

I

I stare out the window and sigh. I probably should be paying attention. But the autumn weather looks so pretty outside. The trees are softly rustling in the wind, the sun is shining most of the times, except for when the light was blocked by clouds. I want to be outside too, feel the wind in my hair and the sun on my skin. I'll have to wait a few more hours until I can.

Until then, I am locked in these classrooms. I'll either have to actually pay attention or pretend I am. I choose the latter and start doodling some random sketches in my notebook instead of taking notes. In the corner of my eye I see the teacher making wild arm movements so I look up again. I think she was just really frustrated by another dumb question, seeing there's just some simple math on the whiteboard in the front of the classroom. I pick up my pen to draw another small doodle of yet another leaf on my not-so-white-anymore page.

I feel a soft tap on my arm and my head quickly turns to the right. 'Psst, do you understand this problem?' the girl next to me asks. I recognize her, she's a part of the popular girls. I can't recall her name at the moment, though. I put on a fake smile and look at her. 'I'm sorry, I zoned out for a bit, which question?' She smiles back politely and shows me the problem she doesn't understand.

'Um, you're supposed to take the square root of that first, so you'll have the x standing on its own. Then you can solve it easier', I tell her while pointing at some numbers. She looks rather confused at first but after a few seconds of thinking, her face relaxes again.

'Ohh, I get it. Thanks, Zera.' The girl goes back to her work. I already finished it, I think I'll go and work so I'll be ahead. Doing more now means less work later. 

I look at my book and start working ahead a bit. The math problems aren't hard at all, and I quickly find myself bored once again. 'Des', I hear someone whisper from behind me. Now I remember, her name is Desiree. But she doesn't like it, so she gets called Des by everyone. She turns around and starts talking to her friends sitting behind her.  

Their conversation starts in a whisper but they quickly start talking louder and louder, until I can hear every little thing they discuss. Theoretically, I could join their conversation, but I know I won't. I also think they wouldn't be too thrilled if I would join their shallow conversation about the party last weekend. Apparently, there had been a lot of hot guys and it sucked one of them had a boyfriend already, who wasn't nearly as hot as the guys they had met there. 

The teacher calls their names and Desiree rolls her eyes and pretends to work again. In the meanwhile, I attempt to do some math, which is rather hard, considering the conversations are continued once again. 

The bell finally rings, excusing me from this lesson. I quickly gather my books and get out of the classroom. I walk through the clouded halls and make my way to my locker. I open it and switch some of my books out while getting bumped into a few times. 

After slamming it shut and wrestling my way through the many teenagers, I finally make it outside. I close my eyes for a slight second, taking in the nice rays and the somewhat calm atmosphere out here due to the lack of a crowd.

A few other people are sitting outside, just some other friend groups. It's usually the smokers who are out here to smoke a cigarette until they get told off by teachers for smoking on the school terrain. I don't mind; the lesser people, the more calmness and quiet for me. 

I sit down on a bench and take out my lunch. I packed myself some leftover pasta I cooked for dinner a few days ago. I had sprinkled some cheese over it so I wouldn't have to eat dry pasta. I grab a fork from my bag and take a bite from my creation. The cheese didn't really work, the pasta still is rather tasteless and dry. It's not ideal, but I had forgotten to do some proper groceries last night, and I'm paying the price for that now. 

I look over at some birds flying together in the sky. They seem to be really happy it has just turned into fall. I am simply okay with it. The temperature is going down somewhat, meaning I can wear sweaters sometime soon. I should buy some more, though. You can never have enough sweaters. And the only ones I own are from a few years back. Whenever I have time, I should think of that.

My mind is wandering all over the place, but mostly thinking about school. It seems to be the only thing in my life I have control over, so I'll do the best I possibly can do in it. I hear a soft rustle in front of me. A few leaves in front of me are being picked up by the wind and twirl over the ground, making a rustling noise. 

Today is just another mediocre day.