sympathy ~ e.d.

XIII

We somehow ended up falling asleep on the couch. Grayson must've slipped past us when he came back from his run.

Ethan's head is heavy on my legs but I don't really mind. I just hope he slept well. I want to look out for him. Honestly, this is probably one of the first times that I have that feeling. It feels weird. I never had someone that close to care for, to feel the need to care for.

His eyebrows furrow slightly, indicating he is waking up. He sits up, his hair messed up and his face looking confused. Why does he look so cute right now? It's like the kiss we shared yesterday shook up everything I thought I knew about him. Apparently, I do feel something for him. I mean, that kiss wouldn't have felt so right if I felt nothing for him, right?

Ethan opens his eyes and looks at me, still looking rather confused. The pieces seem to fall into place and his brows furrow. 'I'm sorry for my breakdown yesterday, Zee', he says with his quite hot morning voice. I try not to get affected by it which is rather hard.

'Ethan, don't be. I'm glad I was able to help you in some way. Now, get on a plane to New Jersey. School will just have to understand the horrible situation going on.' I smile at him.

'Thank you so much, Zera. I'm really glad you came over. I just wanted to apologize to you for that kiss yesterday, I-' he seems to really be searching for the right words while beating himself up over that.

'Ethan, really, it's fine. I don't want to add extra drama on top of your life right now. Head to New Jersey right now and if you really want to, we can talk about it after that. If you don't, I'm okay with that too. Just please, don't sweat it. I just want to keep in contact with you without it being awkward. You will be dead if these words get out, but I can tolerate you. You're actually really nice and I guess I care about you.' I smile at him and stand up from the couch I had previously been sleeping on.

I stretch myself out for a second and smile at Ethan. 'E, I'm going to head home. Good luck to the both of you', I say as I nod my head towards the hallway where Grayson must be asleep right now.

I start heading towards the door, ready to go back home. Ethan stands up after I did and follows me to the door. 'Don't you want anything to eat, Zee?' he offers. I just shake my head, indicating I'm okay.

'Then I just want to thank you out of the bottom of my heart for coming over an just being such an amazing person behind all that rock exterior.' 'And you are going to stop being cheesy, or I'll take back the part where I said I could somewhat tolerate you.' I playfully smile at him, earning a small grin from him as well.

He pulls me into a big hug and I smile while in his arms. I'm glad he's feeling somewhat better.

'And now you are flying home with Grayson.' I poke my finger into his chest with a small smile. 'Text me when you land safely. Bye.' I close the door before Ethan can stop me.

I walk through the hallway deeply sunken in thoughts. The automatic side of me takes over, taking me out of the apartment building and to my car. I somehow stop in front of it, not really processing it as well.

I didn't know I actually had a soft side. It's scary. Just like Ethan had said, he had broken through my rock exterior. He can break me whenever he would want to and that part is not comprehendable to me.

I take place in my car and my thoughts are already all over the place. Well, not all over the place, all over Ethan. I hate not being able to have a grasp on what's going on.

I think that I am feeling confused but I don't really know. I am confused whether I am feeling confused. I really should get some sleep.