for better or for worse // mitchel cave (completed)

part XXXIII

*laralyn's pov, two days later*

she was almost unrecognizable. her hair that was somewhat knotted from the lingering hours spent lazing in bed, her red brimmed eyes from the deception of her tears, the swollen face that attempted to make up for the emptiness of her heart.  the worn out pajamas that adorned her body, unable to even take a shower because of how distraught she was.

the she in this situation was rather, well, me. i couldn't even stand to stare at my bitter reflection for too long. my head is an infinite maze and trap of torture that i will never be able to flee. i have nowhere to go.

i would do anything to be free from this labyrinth of suffering. where pain and hope intermingle, memories touch and destroy, bullying and belittling happen often. i am my own worst enemy. happiness and peace of mind seem to be an unattainable goal that i've given up on.

sounds harsh, right? well clearly, you wouldn't understand if you had never been in love. if you have never dedicated your soul to another human being. if you had never given a piece of your heart to another person.

if you had never had the best thing in your life shattered. if your heart had never been ruined. and the worst part of all it is, it was all my fault. mitchel did nothing wrong.

he did the right thing by ending it with me. and i could tell a little part of him didn't want to, but i also could tell every other part of him knew he had to. i wish he would call or text or anything.

i had sent him a few texts but i could take hints pretty easy and i could tell after the 5th text, he had no intention on texting me back. so i deleted his number and unfollowed him on everything.

it was not to be rude, but it was more of a healing process. if i constantly saw his contact as a reminder, or constantly saw his posts on social media, my heart couldn't move on. moving on was what he deserved, and though i knew i deserved every bit of pain i was feeling, it didn't mean i wanted it to consume me forever.

i felt truly alone. i had no one in los angeles anymore. which is why i was going to texas again. not forever, or at least i don't think so. i wanted to take a few days back at my hometown, maybe go see my parents or my aunt or something.

i needed a distraction and the happy feel of la only came as a painful reminder of the way this city used to feel like it belonged to me and mitchel. i was supposed to fly out in 2 hours and now i was sitting here in the bathroom, trying to muster the courage to make myself look even slightly presentable.

i picked up my hair straightener and started running the heat through my messy hair, hoping to salvage any kind of beauty into my appearance. as i worked on my appearance, my mind wandered again.

losing a best friend honestly hurt almost as much as losing mitchel. jessie had never been like this back in texas. well at least, never to me. and after the party she told me that she was playing on her phone and looked up and saw me and said she would never speak a word of it to mitchel.

i can't believe i was dumb enough to actually believe her for a second. i thought this was all going to blow over but now it absolutely destroyed my life. i finished straightening my hair and shuffled to my bedroom, throwing on a large shirt and some shorts, and deciding it was good enough.

yeah, i looked like trash, but i had no one to impress right? as far as i was concerned, the farther i could get away from california, the better. i glanced at the clock and kicked myself into overdrive.

missing my flight was the absolute last thing i needed. i finally managed to throw my necessary belongings into a bag and stepped out into the wavering heat of la. i used to love the heat of the city, but the perpetually sunshiney town just pissed me off.

i felt like a zombie as i rode silently in my uber and went through the airport procedures. my mind was empty yet too full at the same time. everything about this city seemed to make me miserable.

a permanent move back to texas was seeming better and better. of course, it's just human nature to have a little bit of hope though. moving back to texas would virtually eliminate the chance of mitchel and i ever getting back together, not that it would probably ever happen anyway.

i put my head in my hands, closing my eyes and trying desperately to get this beautiful braided boy out of my mind. but i couldn't. he was in every part of me, he was my other half.

it was crazy to think about the fact that 4 months ago we were just figuring out how in love we were, and now my life seemed over because of how in love i was with him.

my flight started boarding and the 30 second distraction of me getting on the plane seemed like a necessary relief. my legs carried me onto the plane and into the seat and i threw my bag into the overhead compartment, yawning as i tried to get comfy as i went through my instagram.

the plane hadn't even fully boarded yet so i could still be on my social media and i was mindlessly scrolling through until my throat tightened. i had unfortunately forgotten to unfollow several fan pages and that was a huge mistake, considering they had just posted a video of mitchel making out with a girl that was definitely not me.

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oh okay so that happened. now comes the process of recovering from the breakup 👀 every comment makes me so happy, and of course votes also!! see u on the next update 🌹