for better or for worse // mitchel cave (completed)

part XXXIV

*mitchel's pov*

"mitchel, we need to go. it's 3 am, the club is closing and you're high off your ass," the condescending voice of christian stated to me. i rolled my eyes, making a face towards the red headed model seated on my lap.

"he's no fun," i pouted towards the girl, aubrey or something i believe. she nodded her head and rocked herself on my lap, leaning in to press another kiss on my lips.

i happily kissed her back, the mixture of weed and dangerous pills having me completely content. i was living my best life, there was a busty red head model on my lap, i had no obligations and as far as i was concerned, i was happy.

clinton was standing beside christian and scoffed. "dude, you're no fun. stop being a prick and let's go please."

christian tugged on my arm and shot the girl a look. "leave please, if you have any sense of respect for yourself," he spit. the girl glared at him and looked back at me. "are your friends always so fucking lame?"

i laughed at her comment. "he's just mad cause he can't get any and i can," i reply, a devilish smirk playing at my lips.

"mitchel, if you think you can drown lara out like this, you're wrong. it's a waste of time. random girls aren't going to help," clinton spoke softly. christian nodded his head along with clinton's words. "he's right."

i rolled my eyes. "look at you, christian the saint. a week ago you were basically sobbing on my shoulder about alexa. now you seem like you're on cloud 9 since laralyn and i broke up. i don't know what the hell you cope with, but not all of us can just turn their emotions off," i fired back.

he clenched his jaw and shot a glare at the red head. "fucking leave now." i didn't want to say he looked scary, but he definitely didn't have the usual compassionate look in his eyes.

something about it made her crawl off of my lap and give me an apologetic grin. "i'll text you? maybe we can hang out next week."

i smiled at the reminder that now i could have multiple friends with benefits again and i nodded. "absolutely."

christian went to open his mouth at this exchange but she strode off before he could snarl at her, and now we were left staring awkwardly at each other. "get up, jesse and pat are already outside."

i stood up and pushed past him, trying to find the exit through the maze of fluorescent lights and the heavy feeling in my head. guess what, the breakup between laralyn and i hurt like a bitch. but i wasn't exactly drowning in drugs, i mean i still used them while dating her even. i was more drowning myself in girls, which wasn't a bad thing.

i heard lara went back to texas to live her life, and now i wanted to enjoy mine as single. being single wasn't the bad thing, contrary to popular belief. being heartbroken was.

i'm not gonna pretend it doesn't hurt. it hurts immensely, the pain seems to be devouring me sometimes. but i couldn't sit and mope and act like a mess. i was going to try to get through it.

i finally felt the cold night air hit my face and i let out a breath i didn't know i was holding in. i stood still for a moment, relishing in the gift of being alone. no one would really actually leave me alone anymore.

it felt like they were smothering me because they were too scared to see what would happen if i was left alone. i wasn't sure what would happen either. these past few nights i've had a different girl in my bed 24/7.

sounds fun right? but it wasn't. as much as i tried, none of the girls perfume could smell quite as sweet as laralyn's, none of the girls bodies could curve into mine in a way that had me convinced we were made for each other. none of the girls could murmur cute little things in their sleep the way lara did, none of the girls could have that gorgeous laugh that rang out like hers.

none of them were her. and i felt bad, because it wasn't their job to be laralyn. it wasn't their job to try to fill the petite shoes of a woman that couldn't be ever replaced. most of them were looking for fun, rarely ever for anything serious.

but what i was looking for? i was looking for the sweet embrace of lara's short arms wrapping around my waist when i woke her up. i was looking for the way she would snort when i made her laugh too hard. i was looking for the way the sun shone in her caramel colored eyes, how they looked so normal when you just glanced at the deep brown rings but when the light hit them, you could see a cascade of hidden colors set in her wondrous eyes. i was looking for the way she liked to try to make me always happy, and damn it, i was looking for the way she made me feel.

because not one single soul on this earth besides her could come even close to sparking the emotion inside me that she did. i would rather be hurt and bleeding by the way she explored another guy's mouth than free and alone with no wounds from her actions. i would rather hear the hurricane in her voice when she was angry, than hear the silence that followed me around when she wasn't even with me anymore.

i bit my lip, water flooding my eyes. fuck. i did what i promised i wouldn't do. i thought about it too long. i didn't distract myself for a few minutes and now i was alone on the sidewalk outside of a club, crying.

i cursed under my breath when i heard footsteps behind me and turned around to see clinton, christian, jesse, and pat all walking towards me. i let out an annoyed huff and prayed to God that they wouldn't notice the liquid drying on my cheeks.

"mitch-"

"what? what the hell do you losers want? for me to admit it sucks? for me to finally tell you i don't know how i'm going to get on without her. for me to spill my fucking guts so we can all hug it out, and then tomorrow morning when i wake up beside a empty cold spot in my bed, it suddenly won't hurt as much anymore? because i won't fucking do it. as much as you like to believe you're helping, you're not. i would rather fuck every girl in los angeles, let me taste a million different lip glosses on a million different lips, before i try to listen to your so called help. let me cope the way i want to cope. i'm not doing coke, i'm not being violent, i'm doing the only thing i know how to do. distract myself with other people. maybe it's wrong, maybe it will hurt other people, but i'm hurting worse than anyone in this God forsaken town, and the less i think about it, the better."

maybe it was too cruel to spit all those terrible words out at them. i wasn't sure. but by the way they looked at me when i turned around and left, i had a feeling they would leave me alone for a while. for better or for worse.

________

i'm so punny haha get it like "for better or for worse" and that's the book name lol. why am i making jokes when this was such a sad chapter lmfao. probably cause i control everything the characters do and i already know everything that's gonna happen soooo. leave me a vote PLEASE please and a comment on how you feel abt the chapter!! 💗💗