Chapter 13
I wasn’t really ready to go back. I wanted my moment alone... away from the horrible way that the day had turned out. But no... he just had to come and ruin it some more. Couldn't he understand that I needed my time alone? He was just making things worst.
I walked up to the front grounds moped there for almost half-an-hour, trying to avoid my cabin-mates especially Joel for as long as possible. No one was there at the front grounds. They were all doing their assigned jobs. Since we exempt, I could afford to waste time.
I finally dragged myself back to our cabin, partially out of hunger. No one was in the cabin, and that was perfectly fine with me. They were all probably goofing off too from lack of outhouse duty. I climbed onto me bunk and was about to get a fresh pair of clothes when I saw M&M's scattered all over my bed. Ordinarily I would have cleaned them up but I noticed something that changed the rest of my day.
The M&M's were arranged to form a perfect multicolored 'I'm Sorry'.
So two seconds ago I was pissed off at him for being an ass. And now I wasn’t at all. But Joel is a really. Using chocolate I didn't get him! Was he forgiven? I didn't know. I was so confused at that point. Did he really mean to kiss me? Yet again I was brought back to the thought of the kiss.
I shook of the thoughts and decided to deal with whatever came my way. I put on a gray hoodie and slipped a pair of green shorts. I had to go and get dinner by the campfire. And I knew it was going to be really awkward. Especially after the performance I just gave, and also because Joel was going to be there.
Why am I so uptight? After all, it was only a kiss.... I grabbed a brush and tore at my hair. But a kiss is very important...
I pulled back my hair into a messy bun and left the cabin.
I walked to the back grounds, which now had a huge bonfire that had already been set up. Kerri was sitting with Cassie. I plopped myself next to Cassie and they suddenly stopped talking. It was almost too obvious that they were talking about me.
"Hey," Kerri said, too innocently.
"Hi," I replied weakly.
Within minutes, all the campers formed a circle around the warm and toasty fire. Ty brought out his guitar, and as usual, everyone sang some hearty campfire songs.
I didn't sing along this time...I felt like shit. And to top of the rest of my day, Kerri and Cassie suddenly declared that they suddenly had to go 'somewhere' to do 'something important'. They left me alone on the log, while everyone else was happily singing some songs. It was an ironic moment. Happy songs, but pathetic mood.
I rested my head on my knees and stared into the flickering flames. It was almost like they were alive and too happy. Like maybe I could steal some of their happiness and keep it for myself. Why did I have to screw everything up? It was only a kiss. It seems that I almost always made things more complicated.
I was so absorbed with the flames that I didn't notice that Joel had seated himself next to me. He patted me on the back, and I looked up.
"What do you want?" I asked, sounding way harsher than I wanted to.
"I just wanted to ask you why you were mad at me today."
"Who said I was mad at you?"
"No one... it was evident from the way you yelled at me and burst out of the shed."
"Yea... well maybe I wasn't mad at you. Anyway, even if I was, I pretty much told you why."
"So, you're already assuming that this kiss wasn't serious? Just for flirt?"I didn't say anything. "Yea, well what if it wasn't." He demanded, "What if I meant it? Would you still hate me?"
"I don't hate you."
"It seemed like you did." I simply continued to stare out into the flames.
"I don't want to get into something with you, Joel. Relationships haven't worked out for me. I'm like... a jerk magnet." I sighed. "And I just freaked after what happened in the shed because I thought something might happen after that. I really need my space."
"Then I probably shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry."
"You're fine. It's me. I should be saying sorry to you. I'm defected material. Seriously, I'm not mad at you. I guess I'm just not ready right now. And if we do get together and it doesn't go well, then we would have screwed up a friendship that might happen over the summer."
"That's okay. I can respect that."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
I smiled. So I wasn't going to have a serious relationship with him. It was just going to be me and my cabin-mates... just as friends, kicking ass and taking names. Nothing more and nothing less. No strings attached and no emotional hurt.
