Look at me - Asanoya

chapter 5

>> Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
And there's nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart <<

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Asahi have run nearly all the way from work to the local college.
Nishinoya was already there, anxiously waiting on the corner of the stairway that lead to the entrance of the college, but when he saw the older guy; he sighted a little and make a change in his behavior. Asahi felt like it was just a play to look confident, happy and everything he was when they were teammates.
- I thought you changed your mind and you won't come – he acted all enthusiastic, as he launched on the way to his home.
- I feel how much do you think about my promises... You don't trust me- the spiker commented bitterly, more because of the feeling that Nishinoya is lying with his behavior.
- I trust you! More than anything! – The libero answered too fast, he didn't think it thought, so when he realized what he said, he tried to correct it - You are our ace... Everybody trusts you.
Asahi's eyebrows went upwards as he looked confused on Noya
- You still refer to me as the ace? Your best friend was the ace on your last year...
- Yeah, Tanaka was great... that's true. But after you... all of you left it wasn't the same.
- Oh, I thought it was good, the black haired, extremely tall first year seemed as a good potential for wing spiker, and you got a new libero on the bench ...
Nishinoya suddenly stopped walking.
- Wait. How do you know about this stuff?
- Actually, I was on the few of your first games before I got a job here – he said scratching his neck nervously.
- You were there??? - Nishinoya never felt like he was doing the right thing not telling the tall guy about coming to Chiba, but he definitely did. Asahi didn't want to meet him.
- You were so close to me and you never... -he asked with widening eyes.
He can't get himself to walk anymore, not when Asahi was there. Asahi, for who he wanted to come in this hell of the city. Asahi, who couldn't even been bothered to tell him that he was so close, just so he didn't need to meet him. He always knew that the spiker doesn't like him the same way. He was extremely attractive, strong, and big, but in the same time kind, overprotective and cute... Nishinoya once saw a girl from his class confess to him. There was not even a chance for a loud, skinny, small and childish boy like him, but he thought they are friends....
- I didn't want to disturb you... I thought if I meet you it would affect your game, and then after it you all seemed so happy, and busy with each other, I felt myself like I would be intruding with my presence.
- You are an idiot! – Nishinoya felt himself at the very edge of crying – I always waited for you to show up, but you never did... But I never really thought that you choose not to see us, not to see me...
- Nishinoya, look... - but the youngest one never let Asahi to finish.
- Why are you even there?? You just pity me, right? Just because Ryuu called you once, you... - his voice started to tremble – You don't have to act like you like me...
- Nishinoya – Asahi have reached to touch his shoulder.
For Nishinoya it was to sudden, he knows what fast movements in his way usually meant to him.
- I am sorry, please don't hit me – he huddled himself together.
A few moments passed in deadly silence, both of them frozen in movement realizing what have just happened.
-Oh my god, Asahi! I am so sorry! – Nishinoya blurted out as the other one slowly let his hand fall beside of him.
- I would never hurt you – he responded still shocked.
- I know, I just... I ... I don't know, it was just a reflex – the libero grabbed his hand, he was desperate to convince him.
- I know, I should have thought before I do anything...
- God, please... Asahi-san, please, don't be angry, I am so stupid! I didn't mean it like this.
- I know. It's alright – Asahi forced a smile in his face, he felt nauseous, what did they do to his Nishinoya to make him this scared? He felt like he could kill someone, if he stayed in front of him and he would be sure he was the one responsible.
- I will touch you - he said with low voice as he gently stroke Nishinoya's chin, and then whispered to him with his most convincing voice – I am really sorry to scare you. And the games.... I actually thought about it a lot, what I should do back then, but I know you. You would hate me if I would be a cause of your distraction, if you lost because of it. Forget this, now this is just a past I may made a mistake, but now there is nothing to do...
- I could never hate you- he mumbled, but the panic have definitely loosen his grip around his chest.
- You actually did it, after the lost against Dateko - Asahi smiled a bit, he was over it, and this was just some story from the past that can't affect his life anymore.
- I didn't... I never... I... - Noya started to stutter.
- Doesn't matter, I have outlived worse things, and after all, you were right – the older one let it go with a small smile – Do you still like soda flavored ice cream? I saw a small shop in my way here, and I thought I will treat you...
- Uh? – The libero was surprised by the sudden change, but he adapted quite fast, happy that they don't need to talk about uncomfortable and hard things – I like? NO! I love it!
Asahi was happy to see the excitement of his former underclassman, and he paid attention to not talk about hard or painful stuffs, just small talk, or having fun. He didn't ask anything about the past, or how he gets in this situation, not even about why he went to college across the nation, away from his friends and family, nor why he didn't tell him about it, he thought they were friends...
And he was especially careful not to touch him, even when he walked so close to him that the felt tingles on his arm. He refused the urge to gently touch his back as he let him go first in the shop, didn't touch his shoulder when he grinned up to him like a satisfied toddler while receiving the ice cream.
When the awkwardness of Noya's freak out settled down it was a really good time, they had fun, Nishinoya was all loud and full of energy, while Asahi walked next to him, with a gentle smile, sometimes blushing a little when the libero said something flattering. It was nearly like in the old days.
- We are here – Nishinoya seemed a little disappointed when they finally arrived to his door, but then smiled on the older - Thank you for walking with me.
- I will come tomorrow too – he responded with a small smile – if you want me...
- Asahi... this is a turn-out for you, isn't it?
- No, not really. It just another way than the one I used till now – actually this another way took him 35 minutes more, and was in exact opposite direction, but it doesn't matter.
- Than okay, I don't want to be a drag on you – he seemed a little worried, but happy.
- I wouldn't do it if you were...
- Thank you, for everything, and I am sorry we didn't meet before...
Asahi looked like he was going to ask something, but he rather don't. There will be time...
- Good bye Nishinoya – he smiled on him once more before he left.
The libero stepped in the house with a huge sight. He enjoyed being with Asahi, he felt so happy... But he didn't want to ruin this friendship too, but today at the beginning he nearly did it because of his stupid reflexes. He saw how Asahi avoided every touch, how he pulled away his arm when Nishinoya get to close to him. The knot in his stomach have raised every time the older boy stepped away a little to give Nishinoya place, and he knew it was all because of his stupid reaction.