Look at me - Asanoya

chapter 10

>>You showed me feelings I've never felt before
We're making enemies, knocking on the devil's door
But how can you expect me not to eat,
When the forbidden fruit tastes so sweet?

So let's be sinners to be saints
And let's be winners by mistake
The world may disapprove
But my world is only you
And if we're sinners then it feels like heaven to me  <<

Asahi was staring at the ceiling of the little room, counting the calm voice that come from the younger boy as he adorably snored next to him. With every sound the sense of guilt only grow in the former ace, thinking about a moment when this innocent and kind person will wake up and realize what he done to him, how he let himself lost control. 

He knew his limits, and now he was absolutely aware of the fact that he should have gone home right after they left the bar, but Nishinoya... oh fuck, Nishinoya was holding his hand and wanted him to stay, and he looked so cute and pleading... It was just too big of a temptation; he couldn't leave a night like this end. On the other hand, he never planed or wanted those things to happen like they had. He wanted the small libero, but he wanted him when he would be sober not just horny and drunk, and the way that both of them could remember, although this way Nishinoya would never willing to do anything with someone like him, he was perfect, and Asahi was just... just Asahi, a coward, too small for his big body, someone who won't achieve anything in his life.
He still had a chance to leave when they were sitting on the floor in the living room, playing never have I ever. It was Nishinoya's idea and damn, he was so good in it, he just always knew what to say so Asahi had to drink a shot.

Never have I ever been the Ace of the team!
Never have I ever had beard ... been the tallest in my class... been accused that I am older than I really am... known how to jump serve...
- I should go home – Asahi mumbled when he started to feel dizzy, the alcohol had left a burning sensation in his chest.
- NOOO! Please! I need you to stay, I want you to stay! It would make me so happy! I would cry if you leave – the libero begged with the cutest puppy eyes he managed to use.
His cheeks were slightly red from the booze and there were a strange shine in his eyes, but still, these were the arguments that aimed the older boy's heart. Did he know that Asahi couldn't say no to this?
- Fine, I will stay, but just a little...

After this Nishinoya have changed the game a little, the questions escalated slowly into more and more personal ones, he didn't care if he needed to drink to.
"Never have I ever wanted to kiss the guy who is sitting next to me right now". They both drink. When did Nishinoya sat in his lap? And this was the last memory he could recall.

- Damn it! – A frustrated word escaped his mouth before he could think about it.
A small body moved next to him.
- Hmm...? – A sleepy question like sound came from it.
- Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up – the spiker apologized.
The deep, little rusty voice had got to Nishinoya's mind through the half asleep state he was in.
His eyes popped open as he widely stared on the other guy in his bed, and then around his room.
- Why are you here?
- I was kind of hoping you could answer it...
- Oh my god!
It couldn't be? Or it could? What had he done with Asahi? He must hate him now!
Nishinoya breathed heavily as his brain got more and more information looking around the small room, and then his eyes stayed on his ace. He was only in a boxer; a shirt he was wearing under his sweater was creased and didn't cower anything at all. His hair was released on his shoulder, scratches and hickeys on his chest, it has to be admitted he was quite sexy. Oh, how much did he thought about him like this, but in his imagined scenes there wasn't this broken look in his beautiful brown eyes.
- We did it! Oh fuck, I can't remember it... It shouldn't have happened, not like this! – he stared on the dirty, and a bit smelly bed sheets in front of him, one hand grabbing, and pulling his own hair as he shook his head uncontrollably.
There wasn't enough air in the room, his breath become more and more shallow and faster.
- Oh my god! Nishinoya, are you in pain? Have I hurt you? – Asahi was worried and afraid, he wanted to comfort him, hug him and tell that everything will be okay, but he was the one who caused it. He might have ruined everything.
- No, nothing like this... Why would you hurt me? I just... I don't remember anything! I didn't want it to happen like this! I didn't want to have drunk sex!
Something in this answer caught the spiker's attention.
- And you don't feel anything strange?
- A bit of a hangover, and... How on earth I wouldn't feel strange? It is all strange, I fucked up! I ruined everything!
Asahi looked confused, but then slowly a realization sat out on his face.
- You have never been with anyone?
- I was! I was with girls, but you were the first male... - he flushed a little, but the pressure in his chest didn't lessen.
Asahi have calmed down, just a little as touched Nishinoya's cheek to make him listen.
- I am sure I wasn't. Actually I am sure we did something, but we didn't do IT.
- What? You said you don't remember! What else could we actually do?
Nishinoya couldn't think straight, he messed up everything. He fantasized about those things, it wasn't the problem that it happened, there was a problem that he forced the tall guy to drink, drink even more, and probably he was the one taking advantage of the situation, and his first time... He can't remember it! He wanted to know how it felt being loved by someone so amazing and precious as Asahi, how was it when he kissed him because he wanted and not by accident, how his hugs, his kind touches felt all over his body.
- Yeah... but you know... you would feel it if we did it – the spiker looked with a tomato red face down on Noya's body till his flank with a look that told more than any world could.
Nishinoya followed his look and when he realized what Asahi has talked about his face flame up like never before.
- Than we didn't...?
- I am sure we haven't.
- And you don't hate me? – Nishinoya started to calm down.
- I could never hate you – the gentle giant stroked away the libero's hair from his face.
- But I... I... sewed you up!
Asahi had to suppress a chuckle.
- I am enough old to say no, you didn't pour down it on my throat. And please, look at me; you really think you could do anything to me if I don't want it?
- Thank you – Nishinoya smiled relived while yawning. Now, that the panic have fade away the tiredness have started to take over on him.
- I could go sleep somewhere else – Asahi stood up from the bed.
- No, it is still night, I don't want you to ramble alone and I don't have a sofa – the little boy grabbed his wrist – Please come back...
- You really want it? – He looked surprised.
More than anything was the thought in the libero's head but he can't say it loud, so just nodded.
Asahi lied back next to him but keeping the biggest distance he could.
- Could we please pretend for just this night, like you love me? I know you don't mean it, but please – Nishinoya busted out getting a little closer to the other one intensely staring in his eyes – For once, just this once, and then I will stop...
He has already ruined everything, there was no way their friendship could survive this without becoming awkward, in this case he didn't have much to lose.
Asahi looked completely shocked but after a while he just reached over grabbing the libero and pulling him in a thigh hug.
He mumbled something into the short guy's hair, Nishinoya can't understand it, but it sounded like "I won't pretending", but he couldn't said this, right?
Nishinoya pressed his face against his chest, desperate to get in his memory the most of the details he could, before it will end with the morning.
He heard Asahi's heart beat a little faster rhythm, he felt the heat coming from his skin, and the small circles he draw with his thumb on the libero's back. His tears appeared without him realizing, it was all just too much, too much to deal with. He had dreamed about it for so long, he wanted this hug for nearly five years, and it was perfect, better than any imagination, but it was just an act, it will disappear in the morning.
- Don't cry; it is alright. We didn't do it, I promise, I didn't hurt you – the brunette whispered in his ears, absolutely misunderstanding the tears.
- I will miss you – he mumbled into the skin of the ace.
- I am not planning to leave you – Asahi give a small kiss on his temple.
Nishinoya looked up to him with awe; he never thought Asahi could be so good in acting.
- Yuu... - the spiker looked deep in his eyes, brushing of a tear from his face – You are beautiful.
He didn't know who moved first but their lips have united in a kiss. Maybe there was some bad taste because of the drinks, but it was perfect. It was slow and sweet, no need or haste in it, just the two of them trying their limits, testing the waters, calm and gentle. Thigh hugs and touches full of love that have left a gentle tangle on the skin of the libero.
Nishinoya felt asleep with his head resting on Asahi's chest, while he hugged him with one hand like he never wanted to let him go and with the other one gently smoothing the back of the small boy until the dream come for him too.