Hard To Face Reality | Complete | J.B. | BXB

Chapter 2 - Im sorry

Justin's P.O.V

I sat staring at the television in the living room curled up in a ball, knees pulled into my chest, trying to figure out what I was actually watching. I couldn't stop thinking about everything, what I had to do to get out of this never-ending spiral of sadness. The ring of the doorbell interrupted my thoughts. Being the only one home I forced myself off the couch to answer it.
I opened the door to see none other than Scooter's face. I groaned, I wasn't in the mood for a lecture. I turned around and walked back towards the couch, knowing Scooter would follow.

"What do you want to lecture me about today Scooter? I already feel shit about what I did." I groaned.
"I'm not here to tell you off, Justin. I just need you to see something." He said softly. He sat down next to me and opened his laptop. "Have you checked Twitter lately?" Scooter asked. I lifted my brow.
"No of course I haven't scooter" Sarcasm dripping from my voice.
"Ok so you have, have you seen the trending topics" He said with a serious tone in his voice scared of what I might see. I glanced at the computer shocked. The number one worldwide trend was '#NeverLeavingKidrauhl' I had a proud smile plastered across my face.
"Click on it. What does it say" I said excited. He clicked on the hash tag. Thousands and thousands of tweets, messages and photos of support. I started scrolling through the photos and there were hundreds of photos of my girls holding signs with the hash tag and the question 'I'm still here, are you?'. I felt like I was about to cry.
"I thought they were gone." I said with a sad smile. I honestly did after everything I've done, I don't deserve them. They should be gone and disappointed in me. But they're still here supporting me, I know some of them left but they're still here.
"They're here alright and they've crashed Twitter twice in the past 24 hours. They're causing chaos. But what matters now is that there's a massive window of opportunity to fix this, make it right. Apologize." Scooter explained. I looked down towards my hands, I nodded my head in agreement. He continued. "I think you should make a video, apologizing, explaining and telling them about your depression?" He questioned.
"I guess it could work, prove I'm not a complete douche bag" I said as he got up.
"That's my boy" he said slapping me on the back and closing the laptop.
"I've got to go, but get outside do something even if it is raining." he turned forgetting some thing. "Oh, and Justin, get me that video as soon as you can. So I can keep my sanity." He said smiling, closing the door behind him. I smiled, continuing to scroll through twitter.

-

I stared at the roof chucking my signed base ball up and down throwing it against the roof it bouncing off in time creating a beat. I groaned catching the ball again. I glanced at my video camera.

I looked at the red light indicating it was recording and forced a smile

"Hi guys. Its Justin Bieber here. This video has a lot of meaning to me and I'm hoping you guys will listen and see why it does.

So um.... The first thing I want do is apologize, apologize for everything I did, I broke the law. I was stupid enough to think doing that stuff was OK. It kills me to think that I could have hurt someone. Or that I hurt you guys." A tear was threatening to slip from my eye but I blinked it away immediately. "I'm not saying there was any excuse for my behaviour I was a complete asshole thinking I could do that and get away with it. If there was anyway I could fix what I did I would. But I cant and I'm sorry for that. I am looking and looking for something to explain as to why I did what I did. I was depressed and I know that that's not an excuse for my behaviour, but its the only way I can even remotely have a reason for why I even tried doing something so stupid."

Depression is just a stupid empty meaningless word used for someone who cant control there emotions and is searching, looking for something to fill the emptiness inside. I thought that getting drunk and behaving recklessly would drown it out or at least make me feel something but it just made me feel worse and I know now that I was wrong and I want to learn from my mistakes. I'm so, so sorry." I turned off the camera.

-

As I began uploading the video to all my social media accounts, my bedroom door swung open and Chaz walked in.
"Seriously, have you ever heard of knocking?" I said in frustration. He sat next to me on the bed and smiled crookedly. His face suddenly became serious.
"We all talked and well... We think you should take a break, go on holiday somewhere and relax." He explained. Not quite following I furrowed my brows in confusion.
"Well we thought you might want to go to Italy, I mean you've only ever gone there for work. We brought the tickets already, its..... uh... five star resort." He explained. What the hell were these people thinking?! I could feel my eyes bulging out of my head. He pulled a ticket out of his back pocket and handed it to me.

"You leave tomorrow."