broken | shyland ✓

chapter seventeen

r y l a n d

a/n: long chapter sorry it took so long, don't forget to vote and comment! love u
song: on my own, niall horan

i somehow managed to not speak to shane for a whole two weeks, which is quite difficult in the grand scheme of things; we live next door to each other, have the same best friends, go to the same school and have english class together.

whenever i would go to lunch, i would speak to joey and daniel, or dan and phil (who'd started to eat with us now), or drew, trish, jason, anyone but shane. sometimes even garrett, although it was awkward because he didn't know that i knew he'd hooked up with shane at his party last month.

it actually killed me every time i saw them speak to each other. i know they were only friends, but it still hurt. i don't know why it bothered me so much, it was me who said that we weren't exclusive, me who said we weren't dating. even after he told me he loved me.

yet the fact that he had lied stood out predominantly for me, saying that him and garrett hadn't hooked up since christmas, that they had no feelings for each other anymore. sure, he stopped once he caught feelings for me, but still: he lied.

today was treating me especially badly so far. i had woken up late, causing me to skip showering and throw on the first pair of jeans i could find, along with my only clean white shirt (ed sheeran's tour t-shirt – i didn't actually go, i just bought the merchandise online) and my checked vans.

the only reason i'd missed the bus was because i'd been up all night stressing. there was bags and dark circles inhabited underneath my eyes as i ran out the door, practically sprinting to school. luckily, i made it, stumbling into form time just as my name was being called on the register.

my mornings had become a lot more stressful since i stopped walking with shane. he left a lot earlier than me so we never crossed paths. things were slowly going back to how they used to be, the cracks unsealing and tearing deeper than ever before. in the mornings i would wake up with blood all over my pillow and on my hands, indentations in my skin from the stress or worry i'd experienced.

but this time, the crescent moon scars which littered my complexion were not protected by shane's small hands. instead, the cold december air bit at my skin, chilling my bones. i'd plug my music in, but i couldn't drown my feelings out like before. he was always at the back of my mind.

i'd grown to strongly dislike school lately, mainly because it was so much effort to avoid shane. half way through history class, the period before lunch, i rested my chin on the palm of my hand (wincing at first due to the raw scratches) and felt myself drifting off. i allowed it, so tired that i forgot i was in a lesson, happily letting my conscience take a nap.

i woke up to my name. 'ryland. ryland.' my history teacher was poking me with a black biro, a look of amusement laying on his face. i jerked awake, looking around at the empty classroom around me; no one was here anymore, every seat was empty.

'shit, sorry...' i muttered sleepily, before freezing and realising that i swore. 'sorry for saying shit... twice, now.' i drawled, running my hands through my shortly cut hair.

that's another thing. last week i had shaved my head so my hair was shorter. it looked a lot nicer and was easier to look after. anyway, they say after a break up that change was supposed to be good. except it wasn't a break up, because i denied us ever being together and then he fucked garrett. it was complicated.