broken | shyland ✓

chapter twenty

s h a n e

a/n: mature content, last chapter before epilogue babies, vote and comment!!
song: gasoline, troye sivan

'i need you to come round right now.' i cried, hiccuping down the receiver. my breaths were ragged, voice shaking. nothing had ever felt like this before. my eyes hazily took in my appearance through the long mounted mirror, judging my curves with each blink.

how have i put on weight? i work out, i eat good food for dinner and only eat sweets and chocolate on weekends, and not even that much. i fell down onto my bed, clutching my phone with shaking fingers and clammy hands, letting out a muffled scream into my pillow. i could be as loud as i wanted. my parents were out for their anniversary, having gone to the canary islands for the week, and my brother was staying with my grandmother.

'hey, shh, what's wrong?' he softly asked as tears streamed down my face, lips quivering. i didn't answer, prohibited by my crying. 'i'm coming now, don't move.' the dialling tone rang and i threw my phone onto the carpet, retched sobs hitching in my throat.

i listened to what he said. i did not move, not one bit. i heard to the front door click open, then close, aching for the sound of footsteps, for the sound of anyone or anything. they arrived, quick thumps, clearly taking two steps at a time. finally, my bedroom door opened and he stood there, messy hair and concerned eyes.

he fell down to the bed next to me, sliding his palm into mine and linking our fingers, something we had done ever since we became friends. the feeling of his skin against mine was enough to make me cry harder, the agony inside my stomach growing stronger instead of subsiding. his blue eyes stared at me intently, his tall frame embracing mine as i collapsed into him, face buried in the crook of his neck.

'shane, what happened?' he murmured, thumb rubbing the top of my hand as i clutched tightly onto the maroon fabric of his soft, oversized hoodie. the jeans he wore hung loose on his hips, pale blue boyfriend denim hugging his thighs, cuffs turned up haphazardly.

i took a deep breath. 'i didn't realise it, i don't know how, but apparently i've put on weight, apparently i'm not loved, apparently–'

he pulled away from me, frowning. 'what? what are you talking about? you look amazing, the best you've ever looked. what's happened?' blonde wavy locks brushed against my cheekbones as i nestled my head back into his shoulder.

'kiss me.' i said quietly, vulnerable as i wiped away tear after tear. i needed this. i needed someone to tell me, to let me know that everything was okay. that i wasn't fat, that i hadn't put on weight, that i wasn't unlikeable.

'shane, as much as i want to kiss you,' he whispered, biting his lower lip, 'i can't. we can't. you're with ryland, you're in a relationship.' his voice wavered as i squeezes our entwined fingers.

this was true. yes, i was in a relationship with someone, but that someone thinks i'm fat, unlikeable and i'd fallen for his fake love yet again. time after time. my whole body felt numb, like the world could throw anything at me and nothing would happen.

'me and ryland, we're nothing.' it felt like i was coughing up rocks as i spoke, words lodged in my throat. when they fell off my lips i realised that there was no going back from the recording i'd just heard.

'shane–'

'for fucks sake, garrett!' i cried, 'i need to feel something, i need to, just– please.' he brought his thumb up to brush my tears away, but didn't pull away, instead resting his hand gently on my jaw. a salted teardrop fell down my face, his lips catching it, softly pressed against my skin.

he slowly kissed down my cheek, before finally pressing our lips together. he moved his hands down to my neck, cupping my face gently as our mouths moved against each other. using his free hand, he pulled the duvet off and i fell back onto my pillow, head resting against the cloud of feathers as he crawled on top of me.

i whimpered softly as he gently tugged at the hem of my baggy grey top, slowly pulling it over my head and letting his long fingers trail back down my exposed chest. 'you're beautiful and perfect, you have nothing to be insecure about,' he whispered hoarsely, hands falling onto my belt and making my hips buckle underneath him as my jeans were pulled away from my legs.

kisses were trailed down my stomach and down my boxers, only pausing to remove his own clothes. i felt insecure, being below him, so i grabbed the hairs that trailed down his neck, bringing his head to mine and biting his ear lobe. he groaned against me as i flipped him over, towering over him as i slid my hands into his underwear and begun palming him.

moans and whines were exchanged between us as we became one, thick pastel blankets held above our heads creating a pink haven. the friction between us hot against my skin as garrett cowered underneath me, gripping my shoulders, his nails scratching down my shirtless back that left pink and crimson lines.

'fuck, garrett,' i swore as i collapsed against him, drenched in sweat as he burrowed his face into my hair, wet kisses laid on my hairline. 'you're so... fuck.' i muttered incoherent words into his ear, dark night sky easing my eyes to relax. i stole a glance at the clock, reading nine o'clock.

he lazily pulled the comforter down to our hip bones, brushing his hands down the happy trail which curled down to my abdomen. we watched the first horror film i could find, the original "it" and shared a bottle of vodka. the novelty of this wore off at around midnight when the bottle was empty and i just couldn't deal with the fact that my best friend was naked in bed next to me, turning him on to his stomach as he giggled and yelped my name, mouth full of the pillow he bit into.

we woke up, unclothed limbs intertwined in a hot sweaty mess. our slumber had been interrupted by the repetitive ring of our doorbell. i moaned in resentment, stretching as i pulled on my boxers and threw garrett's at his face, making him stir.

'it's, like, nine in the morning, why are you up? have you got any aspirin, i'm hanging.' his voice was thick from sleep and his hair was blonde, messy all over his face. i smiled fondly at him as he stretched, pulling on his underwear.

'mhmm, c'mon i'll get you some whilst i'm downstairs.' i muttered, raking the hair out of my face as we both sleepily staggered downstairs, still clad in boxers. garrett started searching the kitchen cupboards for tablets whilst i fumbled to open the door, bell still

'oh my god, for fucks sake, i'm trying to open the door!' i exclaimed as i fumbled with the door bell, whoever was outside still slamming their finger onto the doorbell. i turned to garrett, who was now clutching a box of tablets in his hand. 'can you sort the top lock out? you're taller than me.'

he nodded, reaching upwards to slide the bolt across, shirtless toned back muscles tensing as he pulled the door open. ryland was stood on the other side of the door with a tired expressions. his eyes flicked over my naked body, and then garrett's, pursing his lips as he nodded. i sighed, hesitating to say something. this was the boy who called me fat, who said he never liked me, but it was also the boy who made me feel alive, yet so dead at the same time.

'next time you shag someone behind my back,' ryland said lowly, looking me up and down before shaking his head.

'try shut your window if you plan on screaming their name all night.'