This is War

Chapter 17

*SUPER IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER!!  PLEASE READ!!!!!*

Chapter 17 - Natalie's P.O.V 

You know those days where you feel sick? Not fever sick, but sick with yourself? Well, today was one of those days. 

I laid on my bed, curled up in a ball with my eyes closed even though I was wide awake. I was on top of the covers-- I had decided last night that I didn't deserve the warmth and comfort of the blankets. Instead I curled up in pajama shorts and an old t-shirt. I was miserable. 

Taking in a deep breath, I exhaled slowly, trying to rationalize why she had to go. 

Gram. 

There was a knock at my door and I opened my eyes. 

"Natalie, honey, come out please," It was my mother. Her voice cracked and she sounded worried. I was flooded with guilt-- that and remorse and depression. It was like a huge cloud of misery was hanging above and only pouring on my head. 

Ignoring her, I closed my eyes again and curled up even tighter, my muscles tense from holding the position for so long. I heard a sigh and footsteps and I knew she was gone. But she wasn't gone like Gram was gone. 

Gram was dead, and I'd never be able to talk to her again. 

Sometimes I wonder if what they say is true; that everything does happen for a reason. Because how could that be right, when everything that happens is always so bad? How can it be for a good cause, when it hurts you so much? If there is a God, and I'm not saying so, then he's a real jerk. He takes away the people we love and why? To teach us a lesson? To punish us? Because I'm not really sure what I did to deserve losing my Gram. 

Peeling my eyes back open, I blinked a few times and glanced at the clock. 1:23 PM. Closing my eyes, I launched myself into a dreamless slumber, because sleep is the closest thing you can get to death-- to Gram. The only difference being sleep is temporary and death is not. 

~

"How should we wake her up?" A voice whispered, waking me up but my eyes remained closed. 

A second voice popped up, deeper than the first, "Should we wake her up?" 

"Man up and dump some ice down her shirt, it always works for me," A third voice suggested and I made a mental reminder to yell at Olivia for her suggestion. 

A fourth voice, Kate spoke up, "How about we all man up and just shake her shoulder." 

"Last time I woke her up she told me she hated me and didn't talk to me for a week," The first voice-- Dylan-- spoke up and it took everything in me not to chuckle a little at the comment. It was true-- when he had woken me up last summer at six in the morning I screamed I hated him and didn't speak to him for a week. 

Logan, the second voice most likely rolled his eyes, "Man up and wake her up." 

"You do it!" Dylan retorted. 

"For christ's sake, I'll do it!" Olivia hissed. Opening my eyes, they were all looking at each other, no one noticing me. 

I rose my eyebrows, a light smile on my face, "No offence, but Dylan kind of already woke me up." 

They all turned to me, shock written on their faces before they were flooded with relief. I was bombarded by the girls with hugs and "are you okay"'s and "how are you"'s. 

"Move over, we need Natalie hugs, too!" Dylan pouted and I chuckled quietly opening my arms. He wrapped his arms around me and lifted me off the bed, spinning in a circle before setting me down on my feet. 

Logan draped his arm over my shoulder, "Welcome back to the real world." 

"You smell like onions," I informed him, scrunching my nose. 

"I told you!" Olivia shrieked at her brother. 

He furrowed his eyebrows, "I didn't even have any onions today!" 

She shook her head, "No it's that stupid cologne that you bought. It smells like onions!" 

Watching their banter, a small, amused smile played on my face as I watched them. Glancing at Kate, I saw she had on the same expression. Elbowing her lightly, she turned to face me, "Are you alright? With everything?" 

Slowly, she nodded, "Yeah. Jarrett's been helping me out." 

My brows shot up, "Jarrett?" 

"Yeah," She agreed. 

I pursed my lips, "Is something going on between you two?" 

She blushed, "N-no!" 

"Are you lying?" I questioned suspiciously. She shook her head profusely. Sighing, I leaned back, "Well, do you wish there was something more between you two?" 

She blushed even more; so much that she looked like a big tomato. 

"I think you and Jarrett would be cute together," Olivia added, "especially since he's already so protective of you." 

"What do you mean?" Kate questioned, obviously confused. And to be honest, I was also completely lost right now. 

Olivia rolled her eyes, "Don't you see the way he looks at you at school? And all the guys looking at you the wrong way, Jarrett always makes sure they don't look at you like that again. It's sweet, really, to see how much he cares about you." 

We all sat there in a stunned silence, staring at the girl who had just told our friend that a guy she was into was definitely into her. 

"I agree with Olivia," I told Kate, nodding. "I mean, you would totally be adorable together and I know he really does like you." 

"How do you know?" Kate asked. 

"I talked to him," I answered, shrugging, recalling the night I had seen him at the store when I was getting junk food for Kate and I. 

We sat in a silence, not uncomfortable, just quiet. 

Finally, Dylan asked the dreaded question, "Nat, are you okay?" 

Looking down at my hands, I swallowed a lump forming in my throat and shook my head, "No, I'm not. But I will be, I just need some time." 

Tears were welling up in my eyes and I blinked rapidly, trying to stop them but a stray fell and landed on my hand. Wiping the tear, I smiled tightly through them, "Trust me, I'll be fine." 

"We know you will," Kate nodded, squeezing my hand, "because you're a strong girl." 

Truth be told, I was actually incredibly weak, but it seems that even my closest friends can't see through my facade. 

I wasn't sure why, I didn't even know if it mattered or not, but with the realization that my friends didn't realize I wasn't happy came a tidal wave of sadness and loneliness and emptiness. I was alone in this, but they believed we were together. 

Smiling a completely fake grin, though they didn't notice, I spoke, "Thanks for coming guys, I needed it." 

"Well, we couldn't let you miss my onion smelling cologne, now could we?" Logan joked, lightly punching my shoulder. I shook my head, lips in a tight smile as I fought to hold back the tears. 

I was completely and utterly alone in a room filled with the people closest to me. 

∞

a/n: in case you don't read my message board/status, quick announcement that I will be updating this story every Tuesday this summer. There may be times where I'm too busy and can't and I might skip, but there will also be times when I update on extra days that aren't Tuesdays along with the regular update. So bear with me! Thank you :) 

*check my message board for more details.