This is War

Chapter 18

Chapter 18 - Natalie's P.O.V

In retrospect, life is simple. You sleep, wake up, eat, greet the people around you, eat, learn something, eat and then you sleep. It's a constant cycle of the same pattern every day. And to be frank, it's a cycle that I'm tired of, but life doesn't take requests.

And so this is why I am sitting in Home Ec., just like I am every other day. It's a cycle and I was simply going through the motions like a puppet on a string where I'm the puppet and loneliness are the strings as well as my only company.

I'm not depressed. I'm just lonely.

"Oh my god, this is so boring," Olivia groaned, lying her head down on the desk as half of the other students were doing. I, however, was very busy in the art of staring into space.

Out in space it's dark and cold; it's a vast, void space with nothing but random balls of heat that we can't help but admire. Maybe we admire them because despite the atmosphere, they still shine. But then again, maybe it's because we're all petty.

I'm not bitter. I'm just a realist.

The bell rang and I left before any of my sleeping friends could catch up to me. As usual, I opened my locker, put my books away, and walked outside to a vacant picnic table. It was lunch, but I wasn't hungry. I was never really hungry anymore.

I stared down at my hands that were in my lap, unmoving and dead-like. I looked like a zombie-- my hair wasn't done, just up in a messy bun. I was wearing sweats and a plain long sleeve shirt with moccasins. There wasn't any makeup on my face, it was just plain ugly. I felt cold and knew I was sickly pale, almost looking like I was dying.

I'm not dead. I'm just going through the motions.

"You look terrible," I looked up to find Noah sitting across from me, an eyebrow raised at me.

I rolled my eyes, "Gee, thanks, that's exactly what every girl wants to hear."

He grinned, "Ah, yes, there's the sarcasm I know and hate."

"Whatever," I mumble and go back to staring down at my hands.

"Alright," He says and stands up, "I'll just leave you to your little bubble of random depression, then."

Noah begins walking away and I call out to him, "I'm not depressed!"

He just ignores me and keeps walking. Sighing, I stand up and walk back into the school, through the empty hallways, making my way to my locker. The only problem is, I don't find just my locker. I also find Duke standing right in front of it.

I slowly approach him, "Can you move away from my locker?"

"No," He stated immediately, "I won't move, I won't leave and I'm not going to give up on us, Natalie."

"There is no us!" I shout, shaking my head with a bitter laugh. "God, Duke, you're such an asshole! Haven't the abnormally huge hints tipped you off that I don't like you? No one likes you."

When would he understand the fact that no means no? He wasn't helping my life right now. In fact, he was worsening everything by about ten times.

Hurt flashed across his face, "You don't mean that."

I nodded, "Actually, I do. Now get the hell out of my way."

Defeated, he thankfully steps aside and begins to walk away. Huffing, I yank open my locker and reach to grab my books, but I'm stopped by Duke's voice as he stands at the end of the hallway, "We will get back together eventually."

"When pigs fly in the frozen tundra of hell," I snapped at him and finally, he left. Shutting my locker, I slid down against it and hit the floor, my knees tight to my body. I need to get out of here and I need to get out of here now.

Running out the front doors, a teacher yelling after me and telling me to stop, I slid into my car and sped off. I wasn't thinking straight, couldn't even see clearly, so I went home. I went home and I threw the front door open, where Nate was standing, looking like he was just about to leave. Tears staining my face, I knew I'd have to explain.

Launching myself onto him, I let the ragged sobs come out.

Nate led us into the living room and onto the couch, where he let me just cry on his shoulder for a while. Eventually, when the tears stopped pouring and I was subdued to sniffling, I sat up straight. He took hold of my hand, "Nat, talk to me please."

"Natalie," He pleaded, "please tell me, I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong."

"Everything's wrong, Nate!" I exploded.

He blinked and jerked back, surprised at my outburst, but only caught off guard for a few moments before he was back at it, "Tell me, Natalie."

I took in a big gulp of air. It was time to let it all out, "Duke's back, he moved back a week ago. On his first day back he kissed me and so I slapped him and lately he's been bugging me and trying to get me back or whatever and I tell him no, no way in hell but he won't take it for an answer! And Noah, god, I don't even know about Noah. I mean, he's better than Duke now. He's still an asshole, but he hasn't been trying to kill me via embarrassment and pranks. And I just feel so empty.

I was sitting in a room filled with my best friends and I felt like I've never been more alone. I'm just going through the motions and I'm not really alive. It's like I'm a ghost in the real world and I have so much grief trying to eat me alive that when I shut it out, it's my insecurities that eat me. It's like... technically, I'm alive, but I've never felt more dead."

Nate pulled me to him, crushing me in his arms, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"It's not exactly something you bring up at the dinner table, Nate," I mumble.

He sighs and pulls away, studying my face, my eyes to be more precise, before pressing his lips to my forehead.

"I'll go kick everyone's asses for you, how about that?" He offers.

Surprisingly, I laugh, "Thanks, but no thanks. I can fight my own battles."

"Who's to say you can't have a little help along the way?" He challenges and I'm rendered speechless. He's got me there; I could use a little help from my big brother.

Leaning my head in his shoulder, I smile as he wraps his arm around my shoulder, "Love you, Nate."

He lays his head on top of mine, "Love you too, Nat."

∞

a/n: I almost forgot to update because of FLIPPING TEEN WOLF YAS (that was last night ^.^) and work today-- which was totally crazy. There's so many little kids and they never listen oh my lord I want to strangle half of them. Oh whale, hope you guys liked and see ya next week! :)