Brew Books

Chapter 38

I head back to my room and stare at myself in the mirror, as if my reflection will give me some kind of answer. It stares back at me, looking, frankly, dishevelled. I hear Ed leaving the flat, and I suspect he's going down to the bar. What if he's going down to the bar to talk to Kitty right now?

I scramble around my room, grabbing a pair of jeans and a grey jumper to throw on. Then I push my dirty hair into a ponytail, even though the ponytail is less than an inch long and most of it comes loose around my face straight away. I'm not wearing makeup, and I look like shit.

Then I slip on shoes, grab my keys, and rush down the stairs. I don't care if I look disgusting. I need to talk to Kitty.

The music downstairs is blasting as I race down the iron steps from the street into the basement bar. It always takes my eyes a little while to adjust to the light. I glance around the room, looking for my friends.

Harper, Sylvie, and Charlotte are all behind the bar. My gaze catches on Harper. His hair in a knot at the back of his head, his broad grin on display as he hands someone a drink. I feel a little joyful tremor in my core as I remember that I kissed him last night. I kissed him. Harper.

But I pray he doesn't see me right now, considering how terrible I look. I duck through a bunch of girls and make my way over to the table at the back, where Ed and Kitty are sitting, talking quietly over beer. Kitty looks up as I approach.

'Jane, what are you doing down here? I thought you were sick,' she gives me a meaningful look.

'Kit,' Ed says.

Kitty glances back at Ed, then at me. 'You want to sit down?'

'I'm sorry, I just had to come down here and talk to you,' I say, scrambling into the seat beside Kitty. 'I don't know if Ed said...'

'He told me what happened,' Kitty cuts me off. 'Jane, I told you I didn't want you to go looking for Matt. Why would you take the laptop from Ed's room?'

'Because, no one is giving me any answers, and I feel like I can never belong here if everyone is keeping secrets from me,' I tell her.

Kitty stiffens. 'Sometimes, secrets are for the best.'

'I don't believe that,' I say. 'Kitty, I get it, if something went down with Matt. If you had a fight, or something. Or if you did something bad. But you know I would never judge you for anything. How could I judge you after everything I did last year?'

Kitty shakes her head. 'You just don't understand, Jane. I need you not to ask about this.'

'I just can't sleep in his room and not know where he is or why he left,' I say. 'It feels so wrong.'

'It's not his room,' Ed says coldly. 'It's your room. He's not coming back, so drop it. I never want to hear Matt's name mentioned in this building.'

'But he's your brother,' I murmur.

Ed shakes his head. He's glaring at me. Kitty reaches out across the table and places a hand on Ed's arm, and his shoulders loosen. He takes a breath.

'Jane, I'm giving you one more chance. You can stay here, on the condition that you never ask about Matt. And never go into my, or anyone else's bedroom, unless explicitly invited.'

I exhale, and tears spring into my eyes. I launch out of my seat, almost tripping, and move around the table to give Ed a hug. He doesn't return it.

'I'm so sorry, Ed, but you have no idea what this means to me,' I say. 'And Kitty. Thank you.'

'You should probably not be here tonight,' Kitty says. 'You're sick, remember?'

'Right, yeah,' I say, feeling a load of guilt in my stomach.