Brew Books

Chapter 55

Kitty and Sylvie help me clear out my room, because Ed's right, I shouldn't sleep in there anymore. There's something that turns my stomach about sleeping in Matt's room. I wonder whether moving into the flat next door will stop the dreams haunting me.

When I've cleared my stuff, Charlotte moves some of her things into the room, and I take my suitcase into Charlotte's room. It's the first time I've been in here, and she hasn't had time to clear everything away, so I still see the remnants of her decoration.

Kitty helps me make my bed, and then the two of us lie down and stare at the ceiling.

'I was really angry when I said that shit this morning,' Kitty says to me. 'I think I've got a lot of built up resentment stored inside me and it all seems to be directed at you.'

'I hate that,' I say. 'I'm sorry, Kitty. I know I was a bitch to you when we were teenagers. I love that we're friends again now and I don't want you to resent me.'

'I don't want to resent you either,' Kitty says. 'I just... I don't know. It's not just the high school shit.'

'Then what?'

'It doesn't matter,' Kitty says. 'I'm sorry that I kept the whole Matt thing a secret. I was just so worried you wouldn't be able to cope with it. I think you're coping better than I thought you would.'

'I don't know, I only found out this morning,' I say lightly. 'Plenty of time for me to have a panic attack or two.'

Kitty lies on her side to face me. 'Tell me if you don't feel okay, Jane. I hated seeing how bad you were after your mum passed, and with the whole Drew break up and everything.'

'But I got a good haircut out of it, right?' I say with a smile.

'Yeah, I thought it was cool when you cut your hair short,' Kitty says. 'Now people can finally tell us apart.'

I let out a little laugh, but it dies quickly, and the silence swallows it up.

'What are you gonna do about Ed?' Kitty eventually asks.

'I don't know,' I admit. 'I am really embarrassed. I was so drunk.'

'And you were crying in the gutter and then you threw up on the street,' Kitty reminds me, and I groan.

'Surely Ed wouldn't want anything to do with me after seeing that, anyway,' I say.

Kitty makes a noncommittal noise. I sit up and look at her.

'Does he want something to do with me?' I ask her.

Kitty bites her lip in thought before speaking. 'I think... I don't know. I think he probably has a crush on you, because most guys seem to.'

I scoff, but Kitty just rolls her eyes. 'It's true, Jane,' she says. 'You have a charm.'

'Even with the crying in the gutter?'

Kitty bites her lip to stop from smiling. There's a long pause, before she says, 'I don't know, I guess it's up to you. I think Ed would probably go for it, but he isn't the kind of guy who hits on girls. Ed never makes the first move. He'd completely take your lead. If you never mentioned it again he'd do the same.'

'Right,' I say.

'So it's up to you,' she repeats. 'If you do think you want to go for it. If you think you could see yourself with him, though? I mean, his entire life is this bookshop and bar, and he spends a lot of his Saturday nights going through budgets and delivery order forms. Oh, and he goes hiking a lot. So there's that.'

I laugh. 'Yeah, I'm definitely not a hiker.'

'Or a camper,' Kitty says.

'Definitely not.'

'But he's a good guy,' Kitty says.

'He is. When he's not yelling at me about using the milk steamer cloth on the surface.'

Kitty laughs. 'Yes, well, he's pretty anal about his food hygiene rating.'

'Did you go camping with Ed?' I ask suddenly, remembering a photo I saw on Kitty's Instagram, over a year ago.

'Yeah, ages ago,' Kitty says, remembering. 'We drove around Dorsett. It was pretty beautiful.'

'You like camping,' I say.

'Mm,' Kitty says. 'Yeah, I don't mind camping. Although my dream is to one day get a van and live out of it for a while. Nomad life, on the road.'

'You've already got the clothes for it,' I say, grabbing a piece of material from Kitty's boho kimono. I throw the loose fabric at her so it covers her face. She pulls her arm up and away, and the bangles on her wrist jangle as the kimono fabric falls away from her face.

'I don't know, Kitty. I think it's just, ever since I got here, it's always been Harper. I never thought of Ed like that, until last night, and I was just so drunk, I might have just as easily kissed Will, or Sylvie. I feel so mortified by how drunk I was.'

'Trust me, doll, we've all been there,' Kitty says. 'Even Ed's been there. Ed doesn't drink much nowadays, but I have seen him passed out on a sofa too many times to count.'

I laugh, because it's hard to imagine sensible Ed getting too drunk.

'Well, I have to apologise again, for kissing Harper,' Kitty says quietly. 'I don't know why either of us did it. I don't think either of us wanted it.'

'Thanks, Kitty,' I reply.

On the wall across from me are high art portraits, that look like they've been taken from Vanity Fair and framed. The dark shadows and lighting in the portraits are startling. I stare at them, imagining Charlotte waking up each morning to this art.

Harper's head appears in the doorway.

'We're ordering pizza! You guys want in?'

'Four cheese pizza please,' Kitty says by way of response. 'Oh, and loads of garlic bread.'

'Guess no one's making out with you tonight,' Harper smirks, then disappears.

Kitty looks at me, and I look at her, and then we burst out laughing.

• Author's Note •

Thank you for reading!

Don't forget to vote before you go on... we're almost at the end now :(

elle xx