Brew Books

Chapter 50

I stare at Ed, who is gritting his teeth now, and I realise for the first time that this face he does, whenever Matt is mentioned - that show of anger - is actually a grimace, as he tries not to cry. It's not anger.

'Kitty said...' I begin to mumble, but then I stop. Kitty never said anything. Kitty said Matt was gone. That he'd left. That he'd left the bookshop, and the café, and the bar. That he was never coming back.

'Why did no one ever tell me?' I cry. 'You all let me assume he was alive.'

'We didn't want to talk about it, Jane,' Ed says.

'But I've been here for months. How could you hide this from me for months?'

'Because Kitty told us not to. And I understand why.'

'Why does it matter to Kitty?' I ask. 'What does Kitty have to do with it? Why is she in control of everything?'

'She's not in control,' Ed shifts. 'She cares about you. Honestly. She didn't want you to know about Matt. She was worried you'd react badly if you heard.'

I stiffen. 'Why would I react badly?'

Ed shakes his head. 'I think... Jane, I think I need a moment, okay? Can you...'

He doesn't finish the end of his sentence, and he sounds on the verge of tears, so I back out of his room, and go back into my own. I stare at the clothes heaped into my suitcase, jarred by the furious actions of the Jane I was less than an hour ago.

I decide to shower, and when I emerge I make a pot of tea. I sit in the living room, surrounded by Sylvie's vibrant green plants, and drink a cup of tea, and wonder where my mind has gone.

As I'm sitting there, the door to our flat opens. I look up to see Kitty, standing in the doorway. She pauses there, and pushes her messy, half-braided blonde hair out of her eyes and behind her ears. I take in her colourful harem pants with the elephant print, and her baggy jumper. She looks like a mess.

'Jane,' Kitty says.

'Do you want a cup of tea?' I ask, because there's a whole pot sitting there.

Kitty seems surprised, but helps herself to a cup of tea before sitting down beside me on the brown sofa.

'Are you hungover?' she asks me.

'Yes,' I say pointedly. 'Are you?'

'So badly,' Kitty says, and she takes a sip of her tea. 'Jane, I don't know what to say.'

'I don't know what to say either,' I say, but I allow a hint of biting in my tone.

'Are you angry with me?' Kitty asks, her voice soft.

'Yes,' I say.

'Why?'

'Because you told Harper about Drew. I told you I liked Harper, and you convinced him not to go for me. And you kissed him. And probably...' my stomach jolts at the thought, and I indicate with a nod at the flat opposite ours, '... and probably slept with him, too.'

'You kissed Ed,' Kitty says, with no indication of whether my fears of her sleeping with Harper are true.

'I know,' I say, in a hush, worried that Ed will hear us from his bedroom. 'It was a mistake. It was stupid.'

'Well I didn't mean to kiss Harper,' Kitty murmurs. 'That was also a mistake. It was stupid. Can you forgive me? You know it was a mistake.'

I glare at her, because I know that she is at least rationally right. How can I be mad at her for mistakenly kissing Harper, if I am equally as guilty of mistakenly kissing Ed?