Kylo Ren / Ben Solo oneshots

Ben Solo - You're Not Evil

Synopsis: Y/N and Ben are training with Luke. Ben is tempted by the Dark Side and regrets it. Y/N tries to comfort him.

It was sundown, and the sky was a burning pink. Nature was always a beautiful thing at camp here, but today it was especially beautiful. Ben, however, still refused to let me into our hut.
"Go away", he just sobbed. "I know you hate me."
But I didn't. How could I?
Ben had been a curious appearance ever since he'd first come round. I had lived here for quite a while with Luke Skywalker already, and I was the only person who could even begin to keep up with Ben's tremendous powers. The other padawans (as Luke called us for old times' sake) had admired him. Yet he had always been silent, he refused to speak.
We shared a cabin, and I was the only one he really talked to. I knew why he didn't speak; he was so weighed down by his own reputation that he constantly feared to disappoint everyone. Ben Solo, child of none other than the legendary Princess Leia Organa and the infamous Han Solo, grandchild of Darth Vader himself, whom everyone always seemed to know before they even met him, was afraid he would not live up to his own image. He was insecure to the point of no return.
These insecurities were something that I could not magic away. No-one could. He was happier when we were alone. He spoke to me when no-one else was listening. He trusted me, and I trusted him. But today he had done something he regretted. He had been tempted by the Dark Side.
"Go away!", he said to me every time I knocked. "I'm undeserving of your sympathy."
"Ben, let me in, or I swear I'll blow up the entire hut to get you out."
The lock clicked, and I pushed open the door. He was huddled up in a corner, his cloak drawn around him, shaking, crying.
"Ben." I stepped towards him, but he edged further away.
"I know you hate me." His voice was broken by his tears, and I could barely understand what he was saying. "I don't deserve any better."
"That's not true, Ben." I knelt down in front of him, but I could not see his face. "You're not the first one who was tempted, you know?"
"I'm supposed to be stronger than that! The Force is all I am! It's all I'm worth."
"Don't say that. Your worth as a person is not measured by how strong you are."
"But I'm useless otherwise! I can't be who I'm supposed to be!"
"So what?" I reached for him, and he flinched when my hand touched his arm. "You're not evil, Ben. You're a good person. Even the best of us can be weak sometimes."
"I shouldn't be."
"But we all are. I was too, you know?"
He hesitated. "You? You did it too?"
"I did." I bit my lip. "Remember the night I was crying so badly that you decided to speak up for the first time? I told you I had failed miserably at training. That was not the full truth. I had indeed failed... by letting the Dark Side tempt me. I know how you feel, Ben."
He sobbed, and I crept closer. Usually we were all about hugs and touching each other reassuringly, but somehow I was paralysed now. I was not repulsed by him, if anything I loved him even more, as if we were forming some weird bond over our shared pain. No, I simply knew how disgusted with himself he was, and that my touch would only make him flinch and retreat.
"Ben, I still love you, you know? You're my best friend. I know what you feel. And I want you to know that I'm here for you."
"I don't deserve you."
"Of course you do. Otherwise I wouldn't have stayed around so long, would I?"
He sobbed again, louder this time, and it broke my heart. I came closer and wrapped my arms around him protectively. He stiffened, but then he sank into me, crying and shaking.
"You don't have to hide from me", I whispered. "I love you, you know?"
"In what way?"
"In every sense of the word."
He slowly drew back his hood. His face was stained with tears, but I couldn't have cared less.
"Y/N... I don't deserve your love..."
"Don't say such things. Don't let anyone or anything make you believe that you are undeserving. Because you deserve happiness, and you deserve all the love that I can give you. I love you."
He sniffled, and I leaned in and gently put my lips on his. For a moment he seemed to be shell-shocked, but then he kissed me back.
I don't remember how long we remained in that position, huddled up in a corner, trying to keep out the cold that wanted to consume him from within. But the sun had set when Ben spoke up again.
"Can we stay together tonight?", he asked.
"Of course."
I helped him up - his experience with the Dark Side had visibly worn him out - and guided him to my bed. He took off his cloak and lied down next to me. I opened up my arms, and he curled up by my side. His breathing was still a little shaky, but he relaxed when we cuddled up underneath the covers together.
"I love you, Y/N", he whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear, almost as if he was afraid of what I might say.
"I love you too, Ben."
And just like that, we fell asleep.