DIARY OF A WORTHLESS CUTTER
Chapter 7: Blue Eyes Don't Lie
Oliver.
Okay yeah I'm leaving now. I grab Josh's hand and we go outside, Jack and Matt in tow after a couple minutes. My beloved boyfriend was giggling like the adorable idiot that he is, but I didn't know what he was giggling about.
"Why are you giggling?" I ask, wrapping my arm around the small boy.
"Mum is making us all do something different. This is how she is going to see which of us are capable of caring for somebody beside ourselves. Alex, the kitchen. Us, the market. Skiack, the movies. You Me At Six, the art store." Josh explains with a laugh.
"Oh, okay. How much cash did you get?" I question.
"One hundred seventeen point eighty-two pounds." He answers.
"Roni just texted me a list of things she wants." Jack says, looking up from his phone as we walk into the market.
"First item? She no doubt texted them in alphabetical order- she has OCD. One for every letter." Josh explains, grabbing a shopping cart.
"Apples to throw at Rian." The guitarist chuckles.
"Ha ha that's my sister for you." My boyfriend laughs, grabbing three apples and placing them in the cart.
"Second item?" Matt demands.
"Black licorice...?" Jack states but it comes out as a question.
"It's really special to her." Josh answers, as we walk to the candy isle.
"Why?" Roni's I assume boyfriend presses.
"She and her dad used to eat it every single holiday and special occasion. She eats it now only when she's homesick." The small English boy explains, picking up a huge bag of them and sitting them next to the apples.
"Third item is crunchy Cheetos!" I exclaim, not even having to ask.
"Yeah but let's get all the candy and junk-food first." Jack strategies.
"Good idea. What do we need?" I ask.
"Matt, go and get a box of Twinkies and some zebra cakes. Oli, grab a bag of Xtreme sour airheads. In addition, a giant bag of sugar coated gummy bears. Josh get some dark chocolate and rainbow cake mix. I have to get whipped cream, Nutella, maple syrup, chocolate syrup, Unicorn jizz, and crunchy peanut butter." The skunk haired boy orders and we split up.
I was conveniently standing next to the gummy bears and the Airheads. Grabbing the right bags, I toss them into the cart. Josh gets his items and sits them carefully in the cart as well. I smile at him and he smiles back. Matt comes over and awkwardly places his two boxes of snack cakes in the cart. Jack comes practically running over and tosses everything in the cart. He had a carton of confetti frosting- ohhhhh unicorn jizz! I notice he also had a box of condoms that he tried hiding under the box of Twinkies. Josh also notices the box of Trojan Ecstasy condoms because he scowls.
"Dude! You are not having sex with her!" Josh exclaims.
"Why not?" Jack whines.
"Because she's twenty-one! You're twenty-seven!" My boyfriend nearly screeches.
"She told me to get those..." The guitarist mumbles.
"Well then, I guess you can let her give you a blowjob. Only because I know she fantasizes about it. No sex." Josh says sternly.
"Fine." Jack pouts.
A few awkward minutes of silence pass before Jack speaks again.
"Okay, to the drinks isle!" He exclaims and marches off in the direction of said place.
"Vodka?" Josh questions the guitarist.
"Yep. What's your favorite type of pop?" Jack asks, grabbing a bottle of vanilla vodka and placing it gently in the cart.
"Mountain Dew." I answer for him.
"Kay. Mattilda- go get a twenty-four pack of Mt. Dew and pulp free orange juice. Josh get the Cheetos, and Quaker caramel granola bras- she said bras then ha ha bars. Oli, go pick out a few Monsters. I'm getting the Rockstars." He commands and we once again split up.
I walk over to the Monster section and grab four of the zero calorie ones I know Roni drinks. I walk back over and put them all next to the unicorn jizz and the condoms. Jack skips happily over and sits seven lemonade Rockstar energy drinks next to my Monsters. Matt comes back, dragging the box of Mountain Dew and clutching a gallon of Minute Maid pulp free orange juice. He huffs and then places them in the cart next to the zebra cakes and Twinkies. Josh is right behind him, holding a carton of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream along with two bags of crunchy Cheetos and the granola bars. He smirks at Jack's surprised expression before putting the items in the cart.
